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          The act of coupling, whether in a formal commitment such as marriage or something less rigid such as exclusive dating, is held together with expectations, promises, hope, integrity and trust. Without these factors, pairs are really playing house with Mommy’s sheets and plastic cups. Don’t believe us? Watch what happens when we throw a little permissiveness into the mix when we are discussing social media.

          Lee says: For our first anniversary, Paul and I bought our first computer. It was an IBM that cost over $2000, was the cutting edge of technology with 2MB of memory and was completely obsolete by the time we took it home. This computer was just a really big typewriter that we could load very silly games on, play solitaire and Paul could amaze me with his wicked DOS skills which he learned while he should have been dating girls.

          Since then, we have always remained on the forefront of home computer technology. Remember when ICQ was the rogue Instant Message application that the cool people used? How amazing was it that you could use your computer to type out a conversation. I was never one to have random chats but, if you know me, I rarely say no to a nice person or someone from Scotland.

          His name was Duncan. He struck up a conversation with me and I found him interesting, funny and in need of a friend. I told Paul immediately about my new Scot friend. After several conversations, Duncan turned the direction of the dialogue into something that made me uncomfortable (FIRST SIGN OF BOUNDARY CROSSING). He talked about his wife and how she was not willing to be with him intimately. I was not his therapist but I figured friends talk about this stuff so I suggested they discuss it further. He continued with this line of discussion until he crossed into how horny he was. Please note: I had had several IM conversations with him. Never once did it turn into a sex convo. I promptly told him to delete my username and I would no longer talk to him. I told Paul about it but still felt dirty. Like me, there are thousands of people having unwanted conversations. However many of them lack the forethought and boundaries to stop these conversations.

          Digital affairs are no longer a sci-fi story line. Digital affairs are alive and well in the Twitterverse and Facebookland. Reuniting with old friends or creating new relationships with strangers, people are having digital affairs without even considering their behavior as being unfaithful. One of the true beauties of social media is the ability to connect. In some cases, these connections can be very positive but with those with poor sense of self or boundaries, social media is an outlet to create a new persona and new life with new lovers and new friends, all from the comfort of your home.

          Virtual lovers/Physical Strangers are leaving their partners for something new every day. Social Media, partnered with incessant pornography viewing, is creating people yearning for passion and excitement and something different. In reality, some people need nothing more than their lap-top, internet and perhaps some lotion. The fear of love or rejection has created a new segment of society that feels they are very happy jacking off to random faces on Chat Roulette. I think I saw this episode on Twilight Zone.

          Paul says: I find it interesting how freaked out people get about their internet privacy but will give out all kinds of personal information if you just ask right. They freak out about Facebook giving away data and the holes in their security but start a chat with someone and you would be surprised at how intimate a person is willing to get if they do not need to look you in the face.

          That’s how I hunted down Duncan. I just asked a few simple questions… and pretended to be an 18-year-old female. I asked what he looked like, where he lived, and how to meet him. I asked whether or not he owned money to the Scottish mafia. He said no. I sent a computer virus and now he owes 100,000 Euros. Lee hasn’t heard from him since. Don’t fuck with my wife, you Scottish bitch!

          Ah, this week is like putting two mirrors together and getting that infinity effect; a blog talking about social media written by people who are using social media to get noticed as writers. Dizzying really. There are a lot of people out there who have embraced the social media phenomena and some celebrities like Ashton Kutcher who made it his bitch. Taking on CNN on the run to a million Twitter followers was not only genius but the litmus test to the power of social media. While he employed everything from his tweets to You Tube to make it to a million first, CNN relied on the boob tube to make a follower push for them. We know who won that bit but who is just failing at this type of media along with all others.

          The Lohan Family: Although it is fun and mildly amusing to see the drunken rants of Lindsay ‘someone set up her conservatorship fast’ Lohan or read her Dad’s ‘I got shit on tape’ Lohan talk crap about his daughter, it feels dirty. I mean, she’s pathetic. She is the poster child of every Just Say No thing you can imagine from cocaine to prescription drugs to drinking to smoking to dying your hair anything other than your real color especially when you are a red head who has a very specific complexion. Her Mother, Dinah ‘To bad I can’t have more babies to whore them out and I wonder how much the Simpson family spent on Ashley’s makeover because Ali looks like a 48 year old hag’ Lohan, is the poster child of denial. Is it that she can’t stand to let her once cash cow take a few weeks off from getting paid to party or thrown out of parties or getting paid by paparazzi to do something stupid or interviewed to show how TOTALLY fucked up Lindsay really is while she says the opposite….O.K. enough. Just do us a favor. STOP TWEETING!

          @justinbieber: I’ll admit, I don’t get it. My niece referred to him as smoking hot. I think he looks like a dyky girl. I have to admit when I see tweets like this ‘other than that…IM IN NEW ZEALAND!! THEY GOT NO PREDATORS IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY!! I AM THE MOST DANGEROUS CREATURE HERE!!’ I vomit in my mouth. Dangerous? My grandmother with two artificial hips, dementia and the tendency to change the story when it gets a little emotional can kick his ass with one hand on her walker. Listen kid, you aren’t dangerous and you’re no more than a fad and in about 5 years we’ll see you tweeting about getting drunk and the paparazzi are stalking you and you’re working on your comeback album that never comes out and your only hope of relevance is a reality show on VH-1.

          @davidarchuleta: Yeah, this guy was cut out of non-fat cream cheese. This guy is so hallmark sweetness that he makes my pancreas seize. This guy is so unbelievably vanilla that he makes Bieber look like he shoots up with Keith Richards while getting blown by Courtney Love. David Archuleta makes vanilla look like chocolate chocolate chunks with fudge. He is the white standard of mild. He wouldn’t know anger if it raped him with all the woodland creatures who follow him cheering it on. For this, I say, stop tweeting my little milquetoast friend until you’ve seen a vagina up close.

          Here is a short list of the celebs worth following: @rainnwilson (funny doesn’t begin to cover it), @aplusk (Ashton may not be a world class actor but he does use his status for good not evil. Of course, you can follow us @coupledumb unless you’re J. Bieber or Archuleta because we always follow you back and we can’t read anymore of your bland shit. Sorry.

sharebookmarx Celebrity Smackdown: @Celebs

Everybody knows that we need to protect our kids. Back in the 70s and before, the biggest fears for kids were things like polio, razor blades in apples and the occasional abduction. The 80s were all about kids being kidnapped and someone slipping drugs in their drinks or candies. The 90s and the beginning of the 21 century focused our fears on pedophiles and drugs. Today, Social Media has become the new danger entry point. From Chris Hanson setting up sickos on chat rooms to cyber bullying, we think we’ve met the scariest predator of all.

Lee says: I have been known to say things like ‘Social Media is my bitch’ and ‘We are not Social Media leaders. We are the grunts in the trenches.’ One thing that Paul and I have been clear on is that Social Media opens us up to all sorts of relationship dilemmas that we have never had to think about. Primarily, we have been wary of children in this unregulated world. I like to think about it as sending a kid to a mall that has all the regular stores along with an Amsterdamesque food court offering your finest herb, a red light district and a couple of carts in the middle with a wide selection of dildos and phone accessories. There is nothing to stop them from going to pick up a bong, cock ring and lip gloss from Macy’s.

As a therapist, I worked with pedophiles for 10 years. Yes, I was there to rehabilitate them and I can honestly say, some of these men did make incredible strides and learn some boundaries that they didn’t have before. What I learned from them is that opportunity and availability were their friends when they were on the prowl. This may seem really gross to some readers but the reality is if you can’t think like them, you can’t protect your kids from them. You need to ask yourself, ‘How is my kid vulnerable to the outside world?’

This is in no way a call for keeping your kids home and boarding up your windows. This belief is not going to keep your children safe from internet or texting predators. Many parents think that keeping their children at home is tantamount to raising them trauma free. They would be wrong.

We have a 17 year old who, like every other 17 year old, has grown up in a world of cell phones and internet. She knows no other world. As her parents, we have had to ride the fence of keeping her protected and making her way in this world. We have had to teach her things that we only learned as adults and our parents still squirm thinking about.

She also has had a MySpace which we monitored and then Facebook. I created her Facebook page. I set up her account and I monitor the photos she has on there. I have even made her delete a picture that I found too provocative (you know those pics the girls take in the bathroom pointing down at them while they look pouty that every girl on the make has. My apologies if you have one of those.) I am her Facebook friend only because I friended me and her Dad through her page. Paul and I occasionally review her text messages on her phone and always have an eye on her Facebook interactions.

Recently, my 10 year old niece informed me that all her friends have Facebook pages. I told her that their parents ‘hate their kids’. Too much? I went on to explain to her what had recently happened to me and her mom with our crazy family member who attacked us on Facebook and that kids are not ready to open themselves up to that stuff. I don’t know if it sunk in but I know that she is now years from every getting her own page.

I don’t care if our daughter thinks she lives in the old Soviet Union. I don’t care if she thinks it’s unfair. I don’t care if she gets angry. My concern is if she is learning to protect herself and makes good choices. This is how I love her. She can hate me as long as she’s safe.

Paul says: I wish my daughter would friend me. Hello. Hello. Will you be my friend?

Celebrity Smackdown: @Celebs

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Love and a laptop

Celebrity Smackdown: @Celebs

Facebook and the new Soviet Union

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