Therapy - 2/4 - CoupleDumb

elephant water1 I am water.

As we wind up our two week therapy rant, we would like to highlight a couple of good points: you model healthy behavior for your kids, going to therapy can be fun, Paul is a hippy-angel, L. Ron Hubbard created a religion because he was bitter and everyone can benefit from a stint on the couch. Now it’s Lee’s turn to show her freaky side and share some of her recent discoveries.

Lee says: I have used all kinds of therapy and modalities as a therapist. I especially enjoy group work since you have built in support for the clients and the therapist can be as creative as they want to be. When I ran groups, I could do didactic presentations (teaching), guided imagery, confrontation and experiential exercises. As a client, I have enjoyed the same and am willing to push the traditional therapy boundaries.

In the work we do now, we use modalities like hypnotherapy, meditation, breath work and psychodrama. These forms of therapy lend themselves to deep work in a safe environment. I have mentioned metaphor before and this is very important in our understanding of what we discover in our sessions. One could take at face value what they see or experience or they can interpret it as metaphor and apply it to their lives. For example, in last Friday’s post, Paul explained that he was an angel. Now we can look for the wings and harp or we can see that it is another way of saying that he is special, divine and of God. It was a deeper affirmation that he accepts that he is a child of God.

In my recent work, I was searching for my essence; who I am after you peel the influence of my parents away leaving the soft creamy center. I created the intention that my essence would come to me easily and I laid down and closed my eyes and began to breath. I immediately began to see the ocean. It was deep ocean with no sign of land. If you’ve never been out that far, the water is very different out there. The water out there is a deep blue which almost borders on purple. I thought ‘huh, I thought this would be easy’ and continued to look at the water in my minds eye. And then it struck me, I am water.

The realization began to flood my brain with evidence to confirm this discovery. I shower a minimum of twice a day. Sure it’s a little OCD but I feel so comfortable in the water. Swimming has always been second nature. I find the water inviting, sultry, sexy and safe. I am water.

I am fluid and flowing. I am refreshing, cleansing and replenishing. I am nurturing and a force of nature. I am a cool, artistic individual who is connected to all. I am powerful. I am water.

It’s weird really. I have sat with this knowledge for a week and for the first time I feel that all of this makes perfect sense. I am all these things and so much more. In my core, my essence, I am the ultimate Lee. With this information, any question of ‘who am I’ is quenched. In the end, I should have always known that I was just a tall drink of water. Ahhhhhhhh!

Paul says: I, for one, love to swim in her essence. I can come up with all kinds of sexual innuendo but, to be honest, the image of her as water overwhelms me. The metaphor is too perfect. Over the couple of decades that I have known her, I have watched as she battled her nature to violently pound against the shore and I have been amused when she was surprised by her calmness and depth. I take pride that I get to sail on her ocean and drink in her essence.

couples therapy 300x212 Shadow Boxing

We can’t be a relationship site doing two whole weeks on the topic of therapy and not talk about couples counseling. Obviously we strongly believe in its significance and, if you have made it into the door of the therapist, you have made a strong declarative statement that you value your relationship. We have done a lot of work on our marriage but, the funny thing is, we never done it as a couple.

Paul says: If, by this point, you have not figured out that Lee and I have done a lot of therapy then you’re not very bright. Sorry but it’s true. Most of the work that we have done is in a group milieu which means that we get to hear the reasons that others were in there with us. My person favorite reason: ‘I’m here for my wife’. When the guy said that, standing with his arms crossed and oozing arrogance, some of us groaned, some laughed but all of us knew how wrong that statement was.

There is a standing rule in the therapy world: the only person that you can fix is yourself. That is why Lee and I say that we have worked on our marriage individually as a couple. We work hard on ourselves, knowing that we are becoming the best people we can be. So we cry and rage and examine our lives and, in the end, we come out with new insights.

But then what? What happens when you go home with this new outlook on life and meet up with your significant other and their new outlook? One of the fallacies of relationship is that communication is the end all and be all of bliss together. Yes it is important but what is being communicated is more important. Let’s be real, honestly communicating ‘I hate you bitch’ is not going to strengthen the relationship, no matter how heartfelt it is.

The stuff that Lee and I are doing now is very Jungian in its foundation so there is a lot of metaphor dealing with our archetypes and shadows and the wounds of our inner child. We come out of one of our weekends of therapy after finding out that my shadow, that is the dark part of me that I am not proud of and that comes out during certain times of stress, wants to kill people and Lee’s just wants to be invisible. What do we do with this information? The worst case scenario is that my shadow goes hunting and hers makes her disappear. Obviously not conducive to a happy marriage.

This is the part where healthy communication comes into play. We talk about our shadows (or whatever new self-perception come up) as they apply to ourselves as married people. Or in other words, ‘sometimes I want to go shotgun-in-a-bell-tower on someone’s ass and this is how it applies to me as a husband’. Yes, dinner conversation at the Reyes-Fournier house is always lively.

Lee says: I think it is more instructive to say that honest, constructive, emotionally centered communication is a key to a healthier relationship. Knowing each others hot topics and buttons is crucial. Not for arguing as ammunition (you thought it, don’t deny it) but to know the instructions or the schematics of your partners. Those topics are the issues they should work on in therapy.

Let’s face it people, if you mention things in arguments as a way to gain advantage over your partner, you two are truly screwed. Arguing and conflict should be used as a means to building a healthier bond not a battlefield exercise to win a game. Healthy communication includes talking, sharing and arguing. It is when we are disrespectful, calculating or physical that arguments are unhealthy. And, for those couples who don’t know how to argue, this would be a great reason to visit a therapist.

I had a professor many years back tell his class that arguments should be the grounds where couples should take quantum leaps to health. I think this guy smoked pot between classes but the thought was sound. Unfortunately, most people learn their fighting styles from Mom and Dad. My Mom and Dad would have scared the shit out of Mike Tyson.

funny kate gosselin photo 300x222 Celebrity Smackdown: Jon and Kate minus one.

We are on week two of therapy week. Confusing? Last week for our Celebrity Smackdown we took on Scientology and their patron saint Tom Cruise. So, we are currently writing these from our bunker in an undisclosed location desperately avoiding the wingnuts who are protesting us for talking smack about the Children of Xenu. So our contact with the outside world is limited. We have heard that they are thinking of sending a man to the moon and that Bing Crosby was a hoot on Perry Como’s show the other day. Still, living in the side of this glacier, we still hear about the following people. Have they made a film? No. Is their music played on the radio? No. Are they on any TV show we can watch? Yes. How’d they get a show? They had a litter and now they are on every magazine cover and the top story of every news agency. All we have to say is: WTF?

Lee says: I readily admit that I have never watched an episode of Jon and Kate+8. I do not have a problem with reality TV. I like the TLC network and have watched several episodes of the ‘Little People, Big World’ show and found them fascinating and emotional. However, the concept of following a family with too many kids falls into my category of horror. As the mother of 3, the idea of consciously having 8 children is my worst nightmare. This scenario is on the order of Texas Chainsaw meets Freddy after he has spent a weekend partying with the little voodoo doll from Trilogy of Terror.

With all the money these people have received from having almost enough babies to have a baseball team, has either of them or their offspring been taken to therapy? Seriously? How about just having their heads examined when they agreed to having 6 kids at once? Just think about it. We all grow up with sibling rivalry of some type and the ability to neglect the needs of one is exponential in their home. Jon, Kate, your laps aren’t big enough to love and nurture so many and your attention span is only long enough to smile for the camera or get another kooky hair style. Those kids are in danger and it’s not from Kate’s discipline. It is from the simple fact that they are zoo animals and no one is loving those kids the way they should.

I apologize to everyone for even choosing this topic. I had told my husband that we would not discuss these people on our blog and contribute to their over-exposure. But at this point it’s like walking around without a cell phone. Everyone is talking and what they are saying makes no sense. She’s a bitch and he’s a cheater. Wait a sec. He cheats and she’s a bitch? How about keep it in your pants asshole father of 8 and both of you deal with your massive issues before your huge family implodes. The level of irresponsibility in this family is so immense it just demonstrates the failure of our society to really respect the life of a child. Dad is shopping and partying and Mom is hawking her books and brand while their relationship goes through World War 3. And the kids are left as the casualty’s of the paparrazi and blood thirsty media.

And now with their earth shattering announcement of divorce (please read sarcasm here), I am still left wondering if these selfish parents give two shits about their meal tickets…er… children. Daddy is moving to New York to do God knows what. Dude, trust me. The only woman willing to date a guy who has spawned 8 kids is desperate for attention, has a mental disorder and/or has always had a puppy fascination. Meanwhile, the kids and Kate will remain on the set …er… in the home.

I wonder how orchestrated this has all been. I wonder if we are being taken for a ride on the Jon and Kate bus and pulling into a big season finale on TLC where they tearfully get back together. What I don’t wonder about is how many of those kids will have serious issues when they grow up. They better save their money for bail, rehab and attorneys.

Paul says: Don’t worry. One of them will grow up to be a dirty attorney.

sharebookmarx Celebrity Smackdown: Jon and Kate minus one.

I am water.

Shadow Boxing

Celebrity Smackdown: Jon and Kate minus one.

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