success » CoupleDumb

Married Crazy

Aug 072009

It's all about committment

          Thank God it’s finally Friday! Yes, TGIFF! Where the extra ‘F’ is not what you automatically think it is. You are so nasty! Anyways, we are talking about success this week but mainly looking at how we react to it. As we have mentioned, we aren’t very good about it. This doesn’t seem to stop us from working at it 24/7.

          Lee says: Fear of success is a misnomer in my opinion. I think it is a lack of belief in the concept of success as it pertains to yourself. Those people who demonstrate a lack of motivation or inclination at putting the effort into creating success have no connection with any achievement. However, those people who work diligently, loyally and blindly to realize a goal and are unable to embrace it and boast of it are the ones that we can relate to best. Is it healthy? No. Is it self deprecating? All the time.

          The book signing followed by being guests on a radio-show yesterday have me in a tail-spin. What am I to believe? Haven’t people realized that I’m a hack? Probably, but they are too polite to say it. The part of the book signing that had me reeling was seeing complete strangers pick up our book and thumb through it. The more amazing part was when they would laugh, buy it and ask us to sign it. I kept wondering if they were out of their minds or just being nice to me.

          I know this is a problem and as successes come at us one after another I need to get my shit together. I need to be accepting and thankful for the accolades as much as I embrace the negative comments and rejections. Yes, this is a question of self esteem but more than that, it is a question of worthiness. If we don’t feel worthy of praise, then we can not hear it. If we don’t feel worthy of success then we can not appreciate it.

          So down to the salt mines we go. Back to therapy to figure out why we both reject success so vigorously. Perhaps it’s because we are actually doing something we love and it doesn’t feel like work? Or maybe, since we work together, the other credits the partner more than themselves so the success is misplaced on themselves (oh Paul is way better than me!). All I know is that for all the work we do, and let me tell you we work every day and into the night, we don’t think it’s enough.

          We have mentioned before that we both have a workaholic streak in us and we try to temper the mania by watching the other and tethering ourselves with time limits so we don’t go crazy. Sometimes it works. However, sometimes one of us will work until we can’t see straight and the grumpiness includes ear rubbing and high pitched whining. This is where the golden rule kicks in: Only one of us can be crazy at any given time. This limits the amount of crazy happening and provides the children with a ‘safe’ parent when the other one begins hallucinating from exhaustion.

          All of this to say, we work very hard and don’t sabotage our successes. We just don’t handle them well. We are working hard to celebrate with something more than a high five, fist bump or OMG face. Maybe we can take a couple of days to bask in the recent CoupleDumb achievements. Get away from the kids and puppies and just relax. Sure. And then again we can use that time to write our CoupleDumb book which we have slated to be finished by next month. I promise to take a few minutes to toast our success with some coffee and a hardy handshake.

          Paul says: When I wrote my part of Thursday’s post, I had not read this and she hadn’t read mine. So this level of insanity is natural in us. Not only are we married but our crazy is married too. Ain’t that sweet?

Champagne or brooding?

Relationship Rejects

Aug 062009

I'm on the left.

          Hi! Welcome to Thursday. If you read our Monday post then you know that Lee reprimanded me for not welcoming you. So welcome to the day after hump where we are celebrating success. Today we are looking at success in relationship.

          Paul says: Let’s face it, all of our highbrow philosophies of marriage being a corporation, equitable division of labor, and prioritizing your relationship are simple to follow when a couple has nothing. Divvying up nothing in equal proportions is easy. Nothing for you. Nothing for me. One, two nothings for you. One, two nothings for me. And here is a little extra nothing ‘cause you’ve been good. It is when a little success enters the room that things get tricky and all of the insecurities come kicking up into our asses. It is then that the feelings of inadequacy, the fears of scarcity, and the little perpetually bruised ego come into play to screw up the success of the relationship.

          Let me illustrate with my own fleeting moment of neurosis. Saturday for the book signing, we started with a little presentation. The store manager introduces us and Lee begins the spiel. People immediately laugh and nod and are engaged. Please understand that Lee is an amazing speaker. She is witty, insightful and beautiful and I began to feel inadequate. I felt like I needed to say more, do more, be more. It was definitely my ‘I am not enough’ dysaffirmation that was rolling around my head. In that moment, I felt sorry for Lee because she was married to me.

          Luckily all of this happened at the speed of crazy, just a little under that of light, and I was able to recognize that I was being ridiculous. I forced my mind back to the reality that our Lee/Paul dynamic was what attracted the people in the first place. I got my little unhealthy ego in check and gave into the fact that that night was a success, not for Lee and not for Paul, but for our relationship and CoupleDumb.

          Once I realized that we are a couple, then I became my quippy self and CoupleDumb, the corporate name for our relationship, kicked ass in a way that was greater than the sum of the parts.

          We advocate keeping focus on the relationship unit, calling it a corporation or simply stating that the relationship must take priority, and this post is no different in that respect. But now we are adding another layer; a warning and an admonishment to share. You see, the problems come when you least expect them. For those of us with low self esteem, they come when we review our successes with the chartreuse colored glasses of insecurity that filter out our contributions and amplify others. Or, for our self involved friends out there, it comes when we forget that there were others building a foundation for us to thrive in.

Lee says: I’m sorry again for my husband’s lack of manners. He didn’t offer anyone a drink and invite them in. But that’s Paul. He figures if you already have been here, you know where the glasses are, you know not to touch his scotch and you can plant your ass anywhere but his lounge chair. This is who he is and I would not change that for the world. Does it annoy me that he doesn’t do things like me? Sure. But if he was exactly like me it would give the all too often heard in my direction ‘Hey Lee, go fuck yourself!’ a whole new meaning.

          The reviews of the book signing are amazing. My favorite was the review on our presentation and how I would set Paul up and he would knock it out of the park. This is us. We are a partnership, corporation, company and couple. We are Steve and Edie with some Ben and Jerry on the side. We are song and dance and corporate savvy with a flair for community and gratitude. My success is his success and visa versa. Our insecurities, especially in this world of artistry, are a mish mosh of self esteem coupled with a complete lack of faith in our selves. I thank all of you for sharing in our inability to celebrate our accomplishment. In sharing, we are on our way to uncovering the moldy beliefs and traumas that surround success. Of course we’ll tell you what we find because our company has no confidentiality agreement.

Celebrity Smackdown: Faux Success

Celebrity Smackdown

Aug 052009

Skanks and Hos

          Dear God, we have been mostly good all week. We have not spoken ill of anybody, at least not that they heard. We have limited our gossip sharing to only our closest of friends and not the world in general. But God, it’s Wednesday and we have a duty to our readers. We need to do a Celebrity Smackdown because that is what they expect and demand of us. This week we’re talking about success and there are so many undeserving morons that deserve a resounding smackdown that we would be derelict in our duties not to perform our Wednesday ritual. So thanks in advance for the forgiveness. Amen.

          Lee says: A couple weeks ago we were on a flight from L.A. to Miami. We took the red-eye hoping that the kids would sleep through the entire 5 hours of crammed discomfort. We were wrong. While we waited to board, I noticed that Megan from VH1’s Charm School was standing in front of me at the counter. When she finished her business, the airline rep, who moments ago was gushing how beautiful the stringy haired fake blond was, tells me ‘That’s the chick from Charm School.’ Me: ‘You mean that fake-titted bimbo is that bitch from the show?’ Her: ‘Yeah!’

          Listen, I have spent most of my adult life working like everybody else. It is only recently that I have put my self in a position of recognition but any success that I have garnered has been through my writing. This whore is famous for being a bitch on basic cable and getting her ass kicked by Sharon Osbourne! All I have to say is ‘I can be a bitch!’ It comes easy to me. Not her brand of bitchiness though. She is a malignant tumor kind of bad woman and no one needs that around.

          But that’s our definition of success. If you are outrageous enough, you can be successful. Take Tila Tequila for example. In her case, if you are willing to fuck pretty much anything, you get a show! I’m sorry I have some standards and minimum requirements for whom I am willing to fuck. This bitch actually thinks she has some sort of talent or special ability that has created her fame. But in reality, she is famous for being a freak who is willing to prance around in a bikini and make out with anyone. Tila, you are a modern day Siamese Twin or Bearded Lady.

          I guess in my naiveté I expected people to earn their success through hard work and paying dues. No, I do not believe entering the Hawaiian Tropics Pageant is paying your dues and I don’t care how many men you blew to win it. I’m sorry, I’m a little old fashioned. Success is something that you earn upright, not on your knees or back (please add any other positions I may be missing). Like douche bags like Jon Gosselin who is fielding endorsement offers. For what? Because he came in a cup and they were stupid enough to bring 6 babies to term? The guy has nothing! Can anybody name what he did prior to becoming a ‘stay at home dad’ (and I say that really loosely since I have great respect for those men but they actually stay with and care for their kids)?

          Has our threshold for success become so low that we actually consider these human defects successful? Is this our new in-home side show that we can watch on basic cable any time we want? I think so. This would explain the oddities of Brook Hogan (who looks like a fucking Amazon) and Sanjaya. Now what they all need is some sort of barker to have us come and see them in their massive tent. Perhaps we can have Ryan Seacrest and Jeff Probst mud wrestle for the privilege. O.K., now I’ve gone and sullied myself way to much. God will never forgive me.

          Paul says: I have three testicles and a mole that has a tooth in it. What does that get me? Can I get a cable program? I’ll do anything for fame, except maybe have more kids. Nothing is worth that.