CoupleDumb

The power of psychological foreplay can be seen everywhere. Psychological foreplay is visual, tactile and aural. It is your fantasy playing out in your head. It is the right words at the most inappropriate time. It is flustering your partner. When done right, psychological foreplay is the savior of any marriage. It constantly reminds the couples that, before the kids were around, this is how we spoke with each other. It brings the sexy back.

These are a few things to do to create an aura of psychological foreplay in your relationship:

• Don’t be embarrassed to say naughty things: Dirty talk is great but it does not need to be descriptive. Innuendo is better for psychological foreplay since it requires the recipients to fill in the blank which will allow them to insert their own fantasy into the equation. When we let our brains take the ball and run, it will bring about the arousal much faster and it will keep your brain busy and away from scheduling and stressors.
• The phone is your friend: Phone sex was all the rage but it requires some privacy to actually consummate the act. The reality is that just the talk should be enough. Texting is another great use for your cell phone when you are in a meeting or sitting watching your kid do karate. Remember you are priming the pump not filling up the bucket.
• The look: Many parents forget about being a couple when surrounded by their brood. Mealtimes or family time is usually chaotic and stressful. This is where you give your partner ‘the look’. Make sure they see you and add a lascivious smirk for bonus points. This look can be interpreted in many ways by the brain but someone who is receiving a sexy psychological assault will respond.
• Touch: A backhanded brush of an erogenous zone. There is a huge difference between being sexy and sexual. Sexy is light touch as you walk by your lover. Sexual is ramming your hand down their pants. Both are foreplay but one has more of an effect with less energy. Our nerve endings go on alert when we a psychological prepared for tough. When we receive light touches our body perceives the tactile sensation and our minds fill in the blanks. When the touch is from our lovers then the blanks are filled with explicit sexual thoughts.

We know that being a parent is a very important job. We understand that concentrating on giving your child the best upbringing is your number one concern. But, the most important thing you can do for your child is to be happy. Studies have shown that when parents are a loving, happy couple, the children are well adjusted. Without having to go on several family holidays or forcing discussions at the dinner table or giving in to every whim your child may have, a kid will be happiest when their parents are happy.

We know that half of all marriages end in divorce. Studies show that nearly 35-60% of all marriages report sexual dissatisfaction. Studies also show that sexual satisfaction correlates positively with marriage satisfaction. And, studies show that sexual dissatisfaction predicts divorce 3 years later.  These numbers are dire but there is hope. All it takes is focusing on your relationship.

If there were anything you could do to ensure sexual satisfaction in your marriage, would you do it?

Real Relationship Advice

So you look across the table and decide that you really like this person that you have been dating now for 1, 3 or 15 weeks. Yes, you know that you are going to ‘give it up’ at some point with this person. So the big question becomes, when. When is it too early? We have a name for women who drop their panties too quickly. Unfortunately, we also have a name for women who drop them too slowly. And, yes, guys do not have all of the bad names but they do have just as much of the crazy. Too soon and you are a player, not serious about the relationship. Too slow and you’re into other guys or you’re a monk.

When to fuck?

The answer to this is that you will know when it is right. Your gut will tell you. Yes that is the simple and accurate advice but it really can only be given to you by your Auntie Mame type granny who curses, has buried a husband and taken a lover twenty years younger than her. This advice assumes that we are in touch with ourselves. As we wrote yesterday, that is probably not the case.

If you are asking the question then what you are truly concerned with is promiscuity and impulsivity. On the spectrum of psychosexual dysfunction, one end holds the things that stop you from having or enjoying sex. The common folk would call them frigidity or prudishness. We have written about this before and will again, but not now. Just know that that is one end. The other has the impulse control issues. This is where promiscuity and sex addiction reside. You want to fall somewhere in between.

Oddly enough, most people, especially women, are not worried about putting-out too slowly. So let’s focus on too fast. Are you being impulsive? If you are with your guy, stewing in a pool of your own panty pudding, doing everything you can not to claw his shirt off then this is not the right time to address your impulsivity. Impulsiveness is a personality trait, according to scientists. This means that it is very hard to stop the impulse while it is happening. Instead you need to go into the situation with forethought. Have you had sex too early for you? Have you woken the next day with that Oh Shit feeling? Monitoring impulsiveness means looking at your life patterns, knowing them then, if you want, changing them.

With any impulse control issue, like addiction, there is a point in the treatment when you realize that you cannot do what you have been. Or in other words, if you do not want to feel like a whore then stop having sex on the first date. Put your ugly panties on because you know that no one is seeing them tonight.

If you are pretty sure that you are in the healthy middle of the sex spectrum then when do you have sex? You are not a prude and you are not an addict so can you give it up tonight? What does your gut say? Ask yourself why you are going to have sex (which we are writing about tomorrow). And know that, all hang-ups aside, sex is good. Anthropologically, the mating ritual is what removes promiscuity (sexual wanderlust) from the community. If not for sex, we would be a nomadic tribe of horny humans. Thanks to sex, we have cities. Animal culture, including human, is built on sex. So go ahead. Have a good fuck on us.