THE Relationship Blog

For some people, dating is a mystery, slathered in an enigma, kidnapped by confusion and fed by paranoia. We start as adolescents on this journey of landing a mate with as many tools for the hunt as they would give a prepubescent boy on the Serengeti. We are told that our weapon is sex and we are not even required to get a license to use it. We are told to go by instinct but our gut feelings are muddled with so many contradictory and pithy clichés that we don’t know whether to wind our butt or scratch our watch. This week, CoupleDumb is going to give you the Who, When and Why to sex and dating. Maybe, by the end of the week, you can have a better target for the hunt.

What makes one date worthy of sex and another unworthy of your goodies?

One problem with growing up is that we are taught to disregard how we feel. We are taught that it’s not OK to cry when we are sad and laugh when we get the giggles or be frightened by the dark. This creates a disconnect from your feelings and intuition and your brain. Your brain depends on that piece of data to make sound decisions. What we are left with is an incomplete decision making process. The problem is that the brain only analyzes the surface information. The brain is not where our intuition resides. When we cut off our gut we have cut out subconscious receptors that measure energy, vibes and all that hippy stuff that society tries to kill in us.

This is why you say things like ‘he seemed like such a nice guy’ while your friend’s say he is a scum bag. Why can they see what you don’t? Since your friends are emotionally invested in you, this circumvents the disconnect process. The only time that emotions are allowed in society is when we are showing loyalty. That is valued in our culture, whereas, self preservation and doing the same for ourselves is seen as selfishness.

Who to fuck?

One thing that we are good at is operating from the id. The id is the impulsive nature of a person. The id does not see reason, here intuition or care what others will say. The id is bold, impetuous and slightly animalistic. Many times we operate from the id when considering a sex partner. ‘She’s hot!’ ‘He’s so cute!’ is enough to have you drop your pants. Gone is the need to think of the future and what is important is the impending orgasm. This is why these sexual experiences are ultimately empty. The id didn’t care if you were emotionally invested or damaged by the act. The result of being impulsive is just that, hurt. This decision process lacked your brain and self-preservation.

Here is the rule to follow when it comes to choosing a sex partner. Ask yourself the three following questions:

1. Am I doing this for me?

2. How will this affect me tomorrow, 6 months from now?

3. Is this potential partner nice to you?

Answer these questions each time you have sex with someone that you are not committed to. You will find that you may have less sex. However, we can guarantee you that you will feel better about yourself.

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THE Relationship Blog

Sex- it is as easy as insert this into that. Sex- it is the most complicated human endeavor ever created. Sex- it is a chore. Sex- there is never enough of it. Sex- has too many rules. Sex- is a game for the young. Sex- should be used only for procreation. Sex- diminishes in marriage. Sex- needs to be different to be fun. Sex- the kinkier the better.  Sex- the more the merrier. Sex- is better with the lights on/off.

Sex is the most thought about and least understood subject in our society. We spend so much time fantasizing about it and perseverating on it that one would think that we would actually know about the subject matter. What can you say about a society that spends more money on pornography than cookies (true fact)? With all this thought, why don’t we know more about sex?

The reality is that people are under the misconception that they know all about it. Men, in particular, tend to base their knowledge of sex on experience and what they have seen. This leaves a lot of information on the table. Most men are not aware of a woman’s need for certain stimulation. Men have learned that foreplay is necessary but are not quite clear what purpose it serves. Sure, lubrication is of vital importance to a woman but the foreplay is also the catalyst to keep the arousal going until climax is reached. For women, we continue to live in this conception of Madonna/whore. We need to know a lot about sex and be completely comfortable performing all sorts of acrobatic acts but we must also shut that off the moment we leave the bedroom. Also, societal we are granted a reprieve from the dual act the moment we have a child.

The hard and true facts about sex are that we do not know enough about it. We don’t know how it works, why it works and what makes it work. Come on people, there are people out there that believe there is a bone in the penis!!! This is why the moment things go wrong, we choose to be quiet and carry the shame with a stiff upper lip. If you are a man, your shame stems from your belief that sex defines a man. A woman with sexual dysfunction will feel too much shame sharing this with a medical professional and will risk the loss of her relationship. Both sexes are wrong.

Treatment for sexual dysfunction is everywhere. For women, most dysfunction is treatable. For men, less so. The inventions of Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, different hormone therapies that improve arousal, pumps, surgically implanted inflatable and other medical wonders have made the treatment of sexual dysfunction a simple game of trial and error. However, the deeper psychological effects of loss of sex drive, erections, arousal and orgasms go far beyond popping a little blue pill.

We don’t know how to stress it, get help! See a professional. Don’t miss out because you are embarrassed or ashamed. Life is too short to pretend. Or just simply ask yourself this one question: what is the worst that can happen if you seek out psychological help? Is that worse than never experiencing the joys of sex? We didn’t think so.