When you are in a romantic relationship, the topic of sex is an inevitability. However, in most couples, there is little discussion of the ‘where’s’ and ‘how’s’ of sex. Each player needs to dive in and do their tricks and hope the other is wowed by their performance. Sex, like commitment, is a blind man’s game.

Lee says: I am always amazed at how people begin a sexual relationship. I am easily surprised since, according to the universe and close friends, I have little experience on the topic. Until recently, I was not aware that sexual experience had more to do with how many partners and not how many times. But even as a neophyte, I have my opinions on what works and that, in combination with my education, makes for some compelling information.

          If we look at sex as a physical activity akin to a game, we see that there are directions, rules, and goals to each person. For some, the directions may read ‘Must have dated ‘x’ times prior to intercourse’, or ‘Foreplay is required for a minimum of 20 minutes’. Each individual makes up their rules as they go along and it is up to their partners to figure them out. Not following directions may get you ejected from the game.

          The ‘rules’ of the sex game can be seen as boundaries. A sample list of rules may look like ‘no oral’, ‘no anal’ or ‘no bodily fluids’. The ‘rules’ are where a person draws the line. Pushing a person on their rules is a quick way of getting yourself ejected from the game. For whatever reason they have decided that there are certain things that they don’t want to do. It can be due to a level of comfort that is deeply rooted in their belief of who they are. What do they associate with the act? Who would they be if they engaged in it?

          The ‘goals’ of sex seem to be pretty obvious. Don’t they? Not necessarily. Some people have sex for orgasm. Some people engage in intercourse for the sheer purpose of connecting with another person. Some do it to experience intimacy at some level even with a stranger. People attribute different things to sex from a deep level of intimacy to a physical act that leads to a release.

          In the ‘Game of Sex’, each person is their own game board. Wouldn’t it behoove a couple to spend a lot of time going over the directions, rules and goals of their partners? It is amazing to me that people will spend 20 minutes reading the instructions to Monopoly but will spend no time discussing sexual boundaries and how you like things done with your partner. But like Monopoly, you can always add twists to the games. As a child, my sister and I would place a $500 dollar bill in the center of the Monopoly board and add fines and penalties to the center pot. If you landed on ‘Free Parking’ you won the pot.

          Unfortunately, in today’s world, adding a twist usually is involving things that are ultimately detrimental to the relationship. As we discussed before, raising the bar sexually does not necessarily add to the enjoyment but it does tend to violate or blur the boundaries of the partners. Bringing in additional partners, swinging and games involving electricity (I know that sounds really freaky but I am not making this up), just provide people more of a buffer between their partners and the opportunity of intimacy is lost.

          Whatever happened to old fashioned fucking? Seriously people! You aren’t getting scored by an international judge and there is no need for special accouterments if you just get down to the business of pleasing your partner. Jeesh! Toys, costumes, extra players, events, equipment… My idea is cheaper and way more satisfying.       

          Paul says: So I should return the electric goat blow-up doll with spinning bonus clitoral stimulating horns?