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Celebrity Smackdown: The Perez and Madonna Shadows

Sep 302009

Too much tanning spray.

          Since we are discussing shadows this week, we think it has become pretty obvious why we love to smackdown celebrities. Obviously these celebs possess qualities that trigger us and spark the ire of our shadows. All this is a nice way of saying that there are latent parts in us that either do the same thing or are activated by their behaviors. Enough of the blah blah, let’s get to smacking! So who shall we smack today? We figured we would discuss why it is that there are certain celebs that are just hated. However, we will go on record as stating we do not hate anyone. We judge them, yes. But we don’t hate.

          Lee says: One of the celebs that is hated by many web sites is Perez Hilton. I personally have no issue with him and have never been triggered by his antics. People seem to focus on the fact that he has made his career and fortune from making fun of celebrities, drawing penises, hating and doing things those other gossip mavens would not do. Methinks there are many shadows getting whipped up around here.

          I love this one since it is so easy to analyze. People hate Perez because he says what you wish you could and in many cases you do say it! You may not say it in public where someone can hear you and perhaps judge you to be a mean person. Outing people or saying that someone is ugly is something that we all may think of doing but few of us has the balls to do it. Its not that Perez is a bad guy; it has more to do with the critics envying his ability to say and do things that they feel they can’t. That is pure shadow!

          However I would be remised if I did not point out some of Perez’s shadows as well. Perez says that he hates hypocrisy which is his justification for being brutally honest. This would be his shadow. Somewhere he has a shadow that is a hypocrite and it will do things like convince him he doesn’t care what people say about him and yet it hurts him just like everyone else. It hurts him all the way to the bank. We could pretend all we want that we don’t care but if you didn’t you would be a sociopath and instead of drawing dicks on people you would be shooting them with a spear-gun (because real guns are icky!)

          To be fair, we must revisit a celebrity we have maligned and smacked multiple times. Of course we are referring to Madonna, the prime example of responsibility and integrity (cough, cough). So what is the trigger here? What annoys me about Madonna the most is her lack of responsibility especially when it comes to her using sex to sell herself. I don’t believe she is talentless. I believe her talent is in shocking people. So this is where the shadow comes in. I do the same thing. I’ll admit that I have been known to be controversial on many occasions and, like Madonna, I am not above whoring myself and my kin to get what I want (check out the soon to be published Miami Herald article on us where we actually put our 2 year old in the picture ~ shake your money makers Mommy).

          At the end of the day, we must all realize that what you hate you perpetrate! I am aware why I react to the Madonnas and Kanyes of this world. Are you?

          Paul says: I really really don’t like Madonna so I must have a shadow that is a talentless whore with man arms. Oh no, now my shadow is sleeping with a kid 50 years younger. Now my shadow is adopting a dozen little Malawian babies. Bad, shadow.

Madonna and safety in the same sentence without the words 'dental dam'.

Celebrity Smackdown

Apr 012009

Madonna Yuck

When we discuss our Celebrity Smackdowns at our daily meeting (which consists of us drinking coffee and waiting for Ricky to go watch Mickey Mouse Club House to dance his favorite jam so we can talk in peace for about 24 seconds), we often have difficulty honing in on a celebrity that fits the weeks topic. This week, since our topic was safety, we thought we would discuss the Shamwow guy, Vince Schlomi who beat up a hooker in Miami because she bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go. That one seemed an obvious choice. But was it the right choice?

In the midst of all this confusion this week, Madonna has decided to adopt another Malawian orphan. That seems benevolent enough, right? But when we discuss our need for safety to become healthy people, how healthy is it for that child to be adopted by her? We realize Malawi is a nightmare of disease and despair. We also understand that there is a significant portion of the population who are infected with AIDS and their children are ultimately left orphaned. Yet, these children still have families and their communities are protective of them.

Our concern over the safety of the kids stems from the obvious: it’s Madonna whose morals vacillate with fads. As a therapist, I worked with many mothers who were crack whores. There were times that I would strongly recommend that her children be taken away and then there were those times that I would fight for their right to keep their child. My main concern was the child, never the adult. In our western society, we have this idea of what is right in child rearing and assume, if it appears appropriate, it is. We think if a parent can buy anything a child needs, then that child will be happy. What you can’t purchase at any store is safety. Our feelings of safety come from our parent’s ability to create a safe environment which includes the physical necessities (not luxuries) and the emotional cocoon that will ultimately shield us from the stark realities of society.

This is my beef with Madonna. Whereas she creates a foundation for Malawi relief, she does not donate to it herself. The bulk of her donations were to Kaballah. She makes a film about Malawi and the plight of the children, but how much of this is self promotion since she has only shown it at festivals and has not been released or shown on a mass scale. If you are raising money for these people, where’s the hype? She had difficulty adopting the first time and the country of Malawi was not happy with her decision to SAVE them. We think it’s pretty fucking arrogant to think that you have the answers and impose your belief on what can save people. Sure you can buy and sell the country 10 times over but if it were merely a question of money than backwards oil rich nations would be the safest places on earth.

Don’t get us wrong, we believe in adoption. We are the parents of an adopted child and at no time have we believed that we saved her. On the contrary, she saved us. And because of this we work everyday to create a life for her that is safe and healthy. This Mother Teresa bit that this bitch is pulling pisses us off and the ultimate victims will be the children. We suppose she grew tired of fucking a child so now she wants to adopt one. As you go gyrate your recently replaced hips and cheeks on your Sticky and Sweet Redux tour, I’m sure your children will feel nice and safe having twelve ninja nannies and 4 bodyguards take care of them.

All this post needs is a bottle of Scotch (And one lone tear)

Monday, Heavy Monday

Mar 022009

Pretty

Did you know that there are more than 4,000 species of frog? That’s what the Book of General Ignorance tells us. Of the large number of frogs, only one species says Ribbit. So, why am I giving you this piece of environmental trivia on a site that generally only talks about relationships and society? Because the one type of frog that makes a Ribbit sound are indigenous to the forests around Hollywood, California. Yes, the Ribbit Ribbit noise that we have assimilated into our culture is a function of Hollywood going into its backyard and taping sounds for a movie with a male cow with utters or a bear in an Indian jungle.

Lee and I have written several articles now revolving around the theme of people supplanting their identities for an illusionary reality created by the media. We write it because we think that it is important. I know that we have trashed Mickey Rourke a few times but he has such a depth of crazy that his insanity bubbles up like a natural spring, washing over us with the pure waters of KooKoo. I just watched his Spirit Award acceptance speech. And, yes, I laughed at him like I would any psychotic off their meds but then I got that worried, sad feeling. I was not the only one watching this clip. There are others out there looking at him ramble, curse and inappropriately cry who are thinking, ‘I want to be like him’. They see him as a rebel who speaks his mind.

I believe in honesty, as is evidenced by this blog, but what we are seeing is not simple self-truth. The Rourkes, Madonnas, and Phoenixes, everyone that uses their celebrity as a stage to promote their inappropriate, immoral and often unhinged behavior, bring our culture one more step into an identity crisis of its own making. As a society, we have no identity, no value of self worth outside of our aspiration to be Hollywood-like. We want to be thin and rich. Our children seek out same sex experimentation while their parents try to be their friends in Kardasian style.

Now that I have firmly placed all of society’s woes onto Hollywood and the media, I might need to take a little responsibility, though reluctantly, for my part in this. At the simplest level of the hierarchy is the obvious; I listen to all of this stuff. I wouldn’t know that Mickey Rourke is a nut job if I didn’t hang on his every disassociated word. I know the words to the Katy Perry song because, well, I like it.

But it gets worse. I know about this, I am part of this, because I am a little (and now, if I could write the next word in little tiny weenie font, I would) jealous. As I sit here with my unpublished manuscript in hand, I fantasize about being famous in J.K. Rowlings – like fashion. And not the real life, hard earned, celebrity but the fantasy fame. The story of her being on welfare and, with some possibly divine inspiration, creating the Harry Potter series ring in my head. I see an Eliza Doolittle looking woman furtively jotting notes on any scrap of paper available.

Here, my rant trails off into oblivion. I have no solution to squash my own disillusionment. Simply ignoring the behavior does not make it any saner. Schrodinger does not apply here. The box is open and the cat is dead. I’ve looked at the illusion and I liked it but I do not want anyone else to look because that would be bad.

Help

Signed, Hypocrite Looking for Aid.

Lee says: Dear Hypocrite, I am cutting off your MTV. Signed, Debbie Denial