Intention - CoupleDumb

woohoo Deep Thoughts by CoupleDumb

          Hola Friday! We’ve missed you. We had to put up with Monday and Tuesday and you were nowhere in sight. We aren’t going to get all victim but we felt a little abandoned by you right around Wednesday. However, when Thursday arrived, we could acknowledge that these feelings of ‘being left behind’ came from our issues of unworthiness of the wonders of Friday. With these realizations and awarenesses, we are prepared for the days to come with hope and resolute that Friday will return. Wow, maybe it would have been easier to say Thank God it’s Finally Friday!

          Lee says: You know I love politics. I used to take sides and argue and position myself. Today, since I am an evolved human being and am at the cusp of self-actualization, I watch the action from the sidelines and compare dysfunctions and neuroses of the politicos. I have no party affiliation and refuse to be categorized.

          One of my favorite things that politicians do is ignore countries. For example, many countries do not recognize Israel as a country. It is not unlike covering your ears and eyes and saying ‘La La La I don’t see you!’ It is extremely immature and shows the acumen the politicians who decide to do such idiotic things. Recognizing a country is not unlike acknowledging a relationship. Recognizing and acknowledging makes it real.

          We have mentioned that a step to creating healthy relationships is acknowledging them. As Paul mentioned, acknowledging is making it real, recognizing the existence and, in some dictionaries, it also mentions recognizing the rights, status and authority of something. Can you see how powerful that is? Saying that someone is your partner or boyfriend/girlfriend is a statement that acknowledges and provides status and authority to someone. You are no longer vacillating in the land of wishy washyness when you say ‘I have feelings and a quasi commitment to this individual. Please note that my acknowledgement comes with all the rights and duties as I set forth.’ It is a declaration.

          So if we do this with everybody in our life (i.e. This is my Mother, This is my Brother, This is my Husband, Child, Dog and Car), what do we acknowledge into existence for ourselves? How often do you tell people that you are an awesome human being? I know, we have slipped into hippy touchy feely crap and I readily acknowledge that but we must recognize ourselves as well. We are always prepared to label ourselves by our careers or commitments such as ‘I am a psychotherapist, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.’ I acknowledge all these duties and commitments. However, what am I to me?

          By virtue of your very existence, you are beholden to yourself. Whoa, say that again. Because you are here, alive, sentient, and aware, you are obliged to deal with yourself. So, what do you acknowledge (make real) about yourself? Let me help here.

          We wrote a whole book about Dysaffirmations (dysfunctional affirmations): these are, in a negative way, acknowledgements we make for ourselves. They are unhealthy and counterproductive to living a fulfilled and happy life. Plus, these are beliefs that we want to make real for ourselves like ‘I am useless’. I propose you list out all the acknowledgements for yourself. Acknowledge your beauty, your power, your amazingness, your lovingness. You are a gift to the world and you need to acknowledge that. We can start small and you just need to acknowledge that to yourself. We’ll buy the billboards later.

          Paul says: Apparently, Lee was eating her Wheaties laced ‘shrooms when she wrote this one. Wow. ‘By virtue of your very existence, you are beholden to yourself.’ That is some black hole deep shit right there. And it is totally correct. If I cannot sing my own praise, then who can? When God created everything, He said that it was good. Who am I to disagree?

          I say to hell with the billboard. Mountains were created to climb upon and call out our wonderfulness. Acknowledge beauty. Acknowledge peace. Acknowledge strength. Acknowledge grace. Acknowledge that gift that you see in the mirror.

          (Lee and I broke a sweat writing this one.)

sharebookmarx Deep Thoughts by CoupleDumb

oompa opt 300x233 Acknowledge Nothing!

          We want you to stop right now and acknowledge all of the wonderful things that you have in your life. Go ahead. We’ll wait. Good. You just brought about an abundance of happiness. This is acknowledgement Thursday at CoupleDumb and that is what we are all about. Lots and lots of happy. Next week we’ll teach you how to make your own antidepressants out of common household items.

          Paul says: This week we are discussing acknowledgement and, as I began writing, I realized that I did not truly know what the word meant. Yes I would use it like the guy in the Princess Bride, the one that would spout out ‘inconceivable’ even though the events proved that it was really quite conceivable. So, being the kind of guy that read the dictionary as a youth, I looked up the word and was surprised to find that, within our transcendental meditation /tree hugger/ I don’t need drugs ‘cuz I’m like this naturally/ we create our own reality / hippie philosophy, the definition of the word in itself is really profound.

          From Dictionary.com, the most common definition of acknowledge is to admit to be real or true; recognize the existence, truth, or fact of.

          So if we are talking about acknowledging something in our relationship then we are actually saying that we are admitting that it is real or recognizing the fact of its existence. Now that we all know the definition, the big question becomes: What are you acknowledging in your relationships? Do you heap acknowledgement for the wonderful things like anniversaries, birthday, really good sex, or the fact that your whites are whiter than white? Do you only focus on the little bads? Are the only things that get ‘celebrated’ poorly washed dishes, stinky t’ain’ts and the extra 1000 miles between oil changes?

          Don’t talk bad about your partner. We have said it before but now you know why. We see so many couples that talk smack about their significant other. Not little shit talk either but the kind of stuff that would make the late Captain Lou Albano, in all of his resplendent rubberband glory, proud.

          Lee and I are pretty balanced in our acknowledgements. We do not dwell on the bad and we have been known to completely ignore the good. Or in other words, until recently, we didn’t acknowledge shit. Like most marriages, we learned to see the things that weren’t working first and, with a little healthy attitude, brought them into existence so that we could deal with them. Now we are trying to bring about the good things in life. How can you get rid of the bad or make more of the good if you never acknowledge that those things existed in the first place.

          One little addition to all of this philosophy : you can’t acknowledge something for someone else. Acknowledgement is a personal truth that you may share but you can never bestow. If you are acknowledging (through celebration) the anniversary of your love and the object of this love is not acknowledging it, then you are a stalker. You can only acknowledge that your boyfriend is a lazy fat fuck in that you see that you are responsible for choosing him. He might be acknowledging himself as a pleasantly plump thinker.

          Lee says: I acknowledge that my wonderful husband is a sexy man who knows how to curl my toes. I acknowledge that my children are brilliant and an example of our superior genetics. I acknowledge I have everything I need in my life to have the best life ever. Don’t believe me? Just watch.

wedding 300x293 January 7th is a National Holiday

          Today is our anniversary! We were married 21 years ago today. As you can see, we have changed a bit over the years but one thing has remained; our undying love for one another. Never has the world witnessed a love like ours that burns with the intensity of a thousand suns. For those of you who resolved to be more romantic this year, good luck.

          Paul say: My God, I do not want to write right now. I so much want to sit and kiss on my wife or, maybe, play some Wii and laugh at my incredible lack of balance. I want to celebrate my 21 years of marriage with power lounging and some sweet nothings whispered in Lee’s ear. I have absolutely no interest in pushing down on a computer keyboard button unless it is to shoot a ball at some other balls in hopes that the like colored ball will all blow up. But I am a writer, so I write even if the urge eludes me.

          I find it funny because my mindset going into the New Year was that I would attack it with literary vengeance. I would become Steven King prolific and Tolstoy complex. This was my unhealthy version of a resolution. It is one of the facts of nature that we all see a new year as a new beginning, even if it defies all logic. It is at this January first date that hope is born. Look at the archetypal symbol of New Year: a baby.

          I have already written that the New Year resolution is bullshit but I would be doing a disservice if I just stopped there and let little baby New Year die of aspiration anorexia. If you go on-line and look up New Year resolutions, or just wait a few minutes for the ad to come up on the right side of your Facebook page, you will see a slew of people telling you how to accomplish your resolution. The key to success is always the same: make your resolution into something that is not a resolution. A resolution, by definition, is a firmness of mind, a decision to do something. Well, if I had that kind of self-discipline then I would not need to make resolutions, now would I? Since I have the self-discipline of a crack whore but still want make changes in my life, I need to do something different.

          So I rename my resolution to intention and I add layers to it. I alter it from a decision to change into a new way of being. In a recent Psychology Today article, they discuss the process of change. They talk about creating goals, which is very important in my opinion, and then continue to say that you need to create a support system that supports the goals. Now that is the key! That is the difference between the resolution and the intention. We are all great at making goals. How else will we know how badly we failed if we did not have goals? But if we create goals and tell people then we can never fail because they, the supportive people of our lives, see us as a work in progress and we all continue to grow better for it.

          As I look back at my marriage, I am struck with a paradoxical revelation. I am the same man that I was 21 years ago, only completely different. It is not because I made some grand declaration over the year to change but because my wife saw me as the best man that I could be, and eventually I saw that in me also, that I have slowly evolved into something new. Paul 21.0 is rolled-out today.

          Lee says: I would love to be doing the same thing as Paul. Unfortunately, until they declare January 7^th a National Holiday, we are forced to do what everyone else does, ignore the special day. Next year, our aniversary will fall on a Friday and I intend to make that a holiday for us. Please notice I am not resolving or setting a goal. I am creating a mindset that it is so. Which means, I have changed how I see this auspicious day and my little neurons hook up with calendar neurons and voila, a holiday is born. Anybody remember Martin Luther King’s Birthday before it was a holiday? It was a day like any other. Now, we expect that day off and can not imagine life without it. That day was an intention created by supporters of Dr. King just like my mind is already seeing a cruise ship and a Bahama Mama drink in our hands. And so it is.

sharebookmarx January 7th is a National Holiday

Deep Thoughts by CoupleDumb

Acknowledge Nothing!

January 7th is a National Holiday

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