Hello to all. It is time for the pre-game show for the Golden Globes. This is the time where Paul yells at the TV, ‘Who the hell are you’ and Lee tries to explain then quickly gives up.

So here goes the Golden Globe Red Carpet.

And now Paul turns to Lee and asks, ‘What are the Golden Globes; music, TV, movies?’

Ryan has never worn a dress. Yeah, sure.

The Big Bang chick is wearing a wedding ring that is not a wedding ring. Smart.

GlamCam then LimoCam. Paul wants the ShitterCam. Lee wants the DrunkenHookupCam.

We are drinking champagne and watching commercials interrupted by some Golden Globe Red Carpet. Join us. Lift a glass.

Jen Love Hewitt looks like her boyfriend’s mom.

Lee says that Chris Hemsworth is cute. Actually, she said, ‘Holy God!’ but I’m translating into ‘He is above average but you are cuter, Paul’ OK, apparently Guilianna thinks he is above average also. His voice was vibrating her clit.

If you pushed both of Jayme Mays’ boobs together, she still wouldn’t have one good boob.

Scott Caan is itsy bitsy. He is a pocket 50er. He is a lolly pop guild dude.

Modern Family girl is talking but we want Natalie Portman. Actually, Lee wants her boyfriend.

And now, Piper Perabo also known as the ‘How the fuck did she get nominated?’ girl. But she is dressed pretty but she’s not going to win.

Helena Bonham Carter looks like she rolled a homeless person for her clothes. Ok, two homeless people since she has two different shoes.

Scarlet Johanson apparently got caught in a windtunnel.

Justin Beaver… Beiber and her boyfriend. Or is that Chas Bono?

The bangs make Sandra Bullock look like an Afgan Hound.

Aretha Franklin wants Hlle Berry to play her. Halle needs to gain 300 pounds to make it work.

Heidi Klum decided to dress in scarved.

Christian Bale is on his meds again ’cause he is smiling… appropriately.

7:57 Dear God, start the fucking show!!!!!

I love Ricky Gervais!!!!

The first presenter is the bride of Frankenstein.

Best Supporting Actor – Christian Bale. Now he can get back to drinking.

LL. We know that you do not have hair.

Best Actress – Katy Segal. For a show that we have never seen. We do not do biker shows because…well, Paul already has the hair, attitude and hygene.

OK, what happens if Lee doesn’t get at least 50% correct? A spanking is not an incentive.

Best TV or miniseries – Carlos. UUUUHHHH, what? Que?

Best Supporting Actor in TV, Miniseries – Chris Colfer. Yes, first one right tonight.

Best Actor – TV Drama. Steve Buscemi. OK, the guy is talented but looks like Igor.

Ok, Lee is at 50% so this means that she gets a spanking?

Best TV Drama – Boardwalk Empire. Damn, no spanking. Guess she needs to spank me.

Best Original Song, Motion Picture - You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me. And Cher is singing it. Is that correct?

Best Original Score – Social Network. This is the same guy that sang ‘I want to fuck you like an animal’.

Best Animated Feature – Toy Story 3 – Is it sad that we saw more of the animated movies then any other types?

Best Actress in Motion Picture – Annette Bening and her combless hair.

Sylvester Stalloine looks like he is melting.

Actor in Miniseries or TV Movie – Al Pacino. A man thaty gets dressed, sticks a fork in an outlet, then heads out.

Actress in Miniseries or TV Movie – Claire Danes. Way to go autism.

Lee got both Al and Claire. WhooWhoo. Spankings all around.

Best Screenplay – Aaron Sorkin – ’cause Zuckerberg allowed it.

Supporting Actress in TV – Jane Lynch. Nothing bad to say. Lee is upset that Jane wouldn’t appreciate her presenters.

Best Foreign Language film – In A Better World and we do not care.

Best Actress in TV Comedy or Musical – Laura Linney. Lee got this right and we are all surprised.

Best Actor in TV Comedy or Musical – Jim Parsons. Go Geeks!!!! Lee got this one too! Oh yes, the Reyes-Fournier home will be rocking tonight.

Supporting Actress Motion Picture – Melissa Leo.

Best Director Motion Picture – David Fincher (Social Network) – OK, I guess we need to see this movie.

Best TV Series, Comedy or Musical – Glee. Yes!!!! Of course Lee said Glee because it is awesome. Do the little lilt when you read ‘awesome’.

Best Actor in Motion Picture Comedy or Musical – Paul Giamatti beat out Johnny Depp and Johnny Depp.

Best Acress in a Motion Picture: Natalie Portman- actors are always rewarded when they lose there minds on screen.

Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical – The Kids Are Alright. Lee gave it to them using the theory that, if we have never heard of it, it will win.

Best Actor in Motion Picture Drama – Colin Firth ’cause he’s all sophisticated and shit.

Best Motion Picture Drama – Social Network. A concept created by antisocial people.

And we are out. Time to pay up to Lee for her great percentage.

          Wow! 2010 was a year of incredible movies. The most incredible part? We actually saw some movies! As always, we are here to facilitate the award season for you. We are here to hold your hands through the nominations, shows and speeches. First up this year, the Golden Globes which air this Sunday on NBC at 7pmET. We will be living blogging the fashion at the pre-game show on E at 6, and the actual show. Last year Ricky Gervais did everything he thought to do to not get asked back. However, luckily for us,  the        brass doesn’t watch the show and he is back again to make fun of celebrity royalty. Hey, that’s our job!

          Here are my predictions for the 2011 Golden Globes.

          Best Motion Picture, Drama

          Black Swan: This is a must see movie! However, if you have not taken your meds your should stay home and fashion a helmet out of aluminum foil and half eaten pixie stix. This movie will get under your skin like the feathers of a black swan. Black Swan for the win.

          The Fighter: When they told me Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale were doing a film together, I thought, ‘Are they running anger management classes on the side?’ Not our type of movie so we passed.

          Inception: Yes, we saw it. I am a victim of the DiCaprio Effect. I hate the guy. Not ‘put him in your crass hair hate’ but he tends to ruin a film for me. Loved JGL and Juno girl and the hottie but he leaves me cold with his man-boy looks and potato in the mouth talking. Sorry for all you is it a dream or not, peeps. .

          The King’s Speech- I love Colin Firth but heard recently that he is a dick and hates the holidays. No love for the scrooge.

          The Social Network- We wanted to see this but living in the boonies and having to take our wagon all the way to the big city to watch the pictures is so hard up hill both ways in the snow… didn’t see it. Probably the only real competition for Black Swan. My understanding is that there were no twists or lesbian scenes in Social Network. Black Swan for the win!

          Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical

          Alice in Wonderland- I thought it was a fun film but I am seriously concerned with Tim Burton and his regulars. Enough already. You’re quirky. I get it.

          Burlesque – Cher? Christina? Who did you blow to get this nomination?

          The Kids Are All Right – My favorite cousin, Monica, told me this movie was         AWESOME! The Kids are All Right for the win.

          Red – We saw this one. It was a cute movie. We enjoyed it. However, I also enjoyed Harold and Kumar Escape Guantanamo. That did not necessarily qualify it for an award. Cock Sandwich!

          The Tourist – Wanted to see it. Probably will. Susan will hate me if I don’t push for at least one Johnny Depp movie. I guess I’ll have to live with the hate.

          Best Director – Motion Picture

          Darren Aronofsky-Black Swan- Got a hand it to the guy. He is one sick fuck.

          David Fincher-The Social Network – Made a movie about where I poke people.

          Tom Hooper-The King’s Speech – Ooh. It’s a King and he speaks.

          Christopher Nolan-Inception – Was he high?

          David O. Russell-The Fighter – Gritty. Sweaty.

          Winner: The Sick Fuck

          Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama

          Jesse Eisenberg-The Social Network- I read something on this kid. He doesn’t own a TV and doesn’t have a Facebook account. He probably has no idea who Gilligan is either.

          Colin Firth-The King’s Speech – He gets nominated all the time and never wins. He’s like the British Susan Lucci.

          James Franco-127 Hours – Is it just me or has this bastard lost his fucking mind?

          Ryan Gosling-Blue Valentine – He’s cute.

          Mark Wahlberg-The Fighter – I have felt betrayed by him ever since Boogie Nights. Liar, you aren’t that big.

          Winner: Jesse Eisenberg

          Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

          Halle Berry-Frankie and Alice- I like you but since Monster Ball, I can’t look you in the eye.

          Nicole Kidman-Rabbit Hole- Nicky, it’s not your year baby.

          Jennifer Lawrence-Winter’s Bone – I have no idea what this is and who this chick is so skim this part and move on.

          Natalie Portman-Black Swan – Bitch, you crazy!

          Michelle Williams-Blue Valentine – Michelle likes to play tortured souls. I don’t like that.

          Winner: Crazy Bitch!

          Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy

          Johnny Depp-Alice in Wonderland- Good Mad Hatter but promise me you’ll shower more often.

          Johnny Depp-The Tourist- You look like a homeless man but at the risk of a Susan beating, I have to insist that you get groomed quickly. Capt. Jack is not a good look.

          Paul Giamatti-Barney’s Version – Great actor but I can’t understand why they keep putting him as a leading man.

          Jake Gyllenhaal-Love and Other Drugs- This guy is so damn cute but I can’t let that sway me. 

          Kevin Spacey-Casino Jack- I love Spacey.

          Winner: Playing the Odds-Depp!

          Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy

          Anne Hathaway-Love and Other Drugs- Love Anne but this movie is not award worthy.

          Julianne Moore-The Kids Are All Right- I think Moore and Bening will split the voters.

          Annette Bening-The Kids Are All Right – I think Bening and Moore will split the voters.

          Emma Stone-Easy A – I LOVED THIS MOVIE. This chick was FABULOUS!

          Angelina Jolie-The Tourist- I think SALT was a great movie.

          Winner: Going out on a limb and saying Stone.

          Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

          Christian Bale-The Fighter- We should reward insanity.

          Michael Douglas-Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps – May get the sympathy vote.

          Andrew Garfield-The Social Network – Hey, isn’t that SpiderMan?

          Jeremy Renner-The Town – Meh…

          Geoffrey Rush-The King’s Speech- Rush is one of those actors who enthralls.

          Winner: Rush for the stage.

          Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

          Amy Adams-The Fighter- She is so nice and chaste. I just can’t see it.

          Helena Bonham Carter-The King’s Speech – She is a freak; a brilliant freak.

          Mila Kunis-Black Swan- She was great in this movie but then again sometimes I was actually seeing Portman and didn’t really notice it wasn’t her and technically all the fucked up shit was really in Portman’s mind so it really wasn’t her, technically.

          Melissa Leo-The Fighter- No clue.

          Jacki Weaver-Animal Kingdom- Ditto.

          Winner: Kunis the doppelganger!

          Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

          127 Hours/The Kids Are All Right/The King’s Speech/The Social Network/Inception

          Winner: I am using my psychic powers to predict The Kids.

          Best Animated Feature Film

          Despicable Me/How to Train Your Dragon/The Illusionist/Toy Story 3/Tangled

          Winner: We have little kids. We have seen most of these. Paul is saying Despicable Me because it’s so fluffy he could die.

          Best Television Series, Drama

          Boardwalk Empire/Dexter/The Good Wife/Mad Men/The Walking Dead

          Winner: Even though I love the Good Wife, I think the competition will trounce it. It will be either Mad Men or the Walking Dead. I’m gonna go with the zombies.

          Best Televison Series, Comedy or Musical

          30 Rock/The Big Bang Theory/The Big C/Glee/Modern Family/Nurse Jackie

          Winner: Jam packed category!! I have to say Glee.

          Best Actor in a Television Series, Drama

          Steve Buscemi/Boardwalk Empire:A great actor who is just kind of scary looking. He’s like our modern day Igor.

          Bryan Cranston/Breaking Bad: This guy has won this one and the Emmy. Enough.

          Michael C. Hall/Dexter: He won last year. He had cancer last year. This year he is getting divorced. I don’t know where I’m going but it means something.

          Jon Hamm/Mad Men: Still gorgeous and I would be willing to break 22 years of fidelity with this guy.

          Hugh Laurie/House: Love this guy but Paul won’t let me watch it. He spanks me if I try. Yes, I try every week.

          Winner: I will look into my crystal ball and say Igor for the win.

          Best Actress in a Television Series, Drama

          Julianna Margulies/The Good Wife: I love her and the show.

          Elisabeth Moss/Mad Men: Never watched the show. Seems to highbrow for me.

          Piper Perabo/Covert Affairs: I have no idea how this chick was nominated. Apparently she stood in line after Cher and Christina to get nominated.

          Katey Sagal/Sons of Anarchy: She’s a badass chick.

          Kyra Sedgwick/The Closer: I love her and the show.

          Winner: I would be happy with either Juls or Kyra. I think this is Kyra’s year.

          Best Actor in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical

          I love Mathew Morrison but Jim Parsons on Big Bang is amazing. Bang! Bang!

          Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television- This category is a fucked up mish-mosh of people. Seriously, they have mini-series and comedies and dramas.

          Jane Lynch/Glee: Of course!

          Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

          Chris Colfer/Glee

          Best Actress in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical: If I am not mistaken, this is the exact list from last year.

          Toni Collette/United States of Tara: She won last year.

          Edie Falco/Nurse Jackie: She won too many things from Sopranos.

          Tina Fey/30 Rock: Rocks!

          Laura Linney/The Big C: Kind of unfair to put cable shows with regular TV. The freedom to say fuck elevates the shows.

          Lea Michelle/Glee: Love!

          Winner: Although I would like Lea, I am thinking one of the cable bitches will take it. I’ll say Laura.

          Best Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

          Temple Grandin for the win!

          Best Actor in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

          I have no fucking clue. Al Pacino was good but these movies were all heavy.

          Best Actress in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

          Claire Danes/Temple Grandin: She was great! Claire for the win!

          O.K., this is how it’s going down. At 6pm ET on Sunday the 16^th we will begin live blogging the red carpet. At 7pm ET on NBC, the show is on. If I get at least 50% right, I get something great. If not, we will need to do some sort of kick-ass giveaway. Are we good?

Welcome to CoupleDumb’s coverage of the Golden Globes. Already they are looking better than the People’s Choice because we have heard of some of the people on the red carpet. Really, a dog shitting on the red carpet would have been better then the People’s Choice.
 
 
So, here we go with the Golden Globes.

7:02 Bill and Sookie. What a way to start.

7:06 Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are married and they seem to like it. Obviously, we like anyone that talks nice about being married. We nominate them for a Golden Globe for good marriageatude.

7:09 Glamcam 360 – Lee wants a Glamcam 360 in her bedroom.

7:12 Penelope Cruz just stopped talking smack in Spanish about her costars but we are not going to tell you what she said.

7:13 Morgan Freeman with a white lady. Is that the lady that was in the car with him when he had the accident that caused his divorce or is this a different white lady?

7:15 Its raining at the Golden Globes. It is our understanding that the Hollywood community made a pact with the Devil and now God is smoting them with rain to ruin all of the up-dos and crushed velvet tuxedos.

7:19 Mariah Carey is looking like a big black woman. Why does she tether her legs together? She has enough problems walking a straight line (or passing a breathalyzer).

7:22 Robert Downey is a god. He is a brilliant actor and talks sweet about relationship. We love him. Stay clean, Robert! Work your program.

7:24 Where does Jai get his purple rinse?

7:30 Jennifer Gardner has a dirty mind. She has just become one of our peoples.

7:31 Jon Hamm with a beard. Lee says: Hot! Actually she said ‘hhhhhhaught’ but you get the idea.

7:33 Kate Hudson is wearing the stupid shoes in the world.

7:34 When asked what Taylor Lautner looked for in a date, he said ‘oh boy’. Is he coming out? You heard it here first.

7:36 How can Cougar Town be a ‘family show’? Just the premise makes me need to cover my kids ears.

7:36 Kate Hudson looks like she is wearing cotton balls.

7:44 Marky Mark is a baby making machine. 

7:57 Rita Wilson – WTF, she wore grandma’s curtains.

8:00 And now we begin. Ricky Gervais is hosting so we think this will be good. Hopefully he will be totally irreverant.

8:05 Yep, he made us laugh right away by slamming everybody. Love the guy.

8:06 Best Supporting Actress in Motion Picture – Mo’nique. We didn’t call her but we love her. Lee calls her ‘her chocolate sister’. And she is crying. Beautiful.

8:10 Best Actress in a TV Series – Toni Collette. It’s on fucking Showtime. We don’t watch fucking Showtime. So, fuck you, fucking Showtime. (Congrats to Toni.)

You see, every time that we like a show on (fucking) Showtime, they cancel it. Now, to save you all from our curse, we don’t watch (fucking) Showtime. If they bring back Dead Like Me and Huff then we can talk.

8:15 Next commercial we are breaking out the alcohol.

8:17 Best Supporting Actor in TV – John Lithgow. We used to have his album of children songs. He is a better actor.

8:21 Best Animation – UP. We called it! We love being right. Also, who would say no to a little old man that lost his wife?

8:24 And now the boozy blogging! Banfi Rosa Rigale! Yum

8:28 Phillip Burke, President of the Foreign Press Association, is wearing Clarol number 15. Kind of a light ash.

8:33 Best Actor in TV Drama – Michael C. Hall. Another Showtime show. You know the rant. Plus we can’t say anything bad about the guy with cancer because God smites. Just ask Pat Robertson. (Lee says the Paul is being bad and is directing the lightening bolt his way.)

8:36 Best Actress in TV Drama – Julianna Margulies. We love her show. She rocks. Lee’s happy because she wanted her to win. Paul wanted Kyra.

8:44 Best Original Song in Motion Picture – The Weary Kind. Ok, whatever. (Maybe they should have someone with flashlights to bring everybody in.) 

8:47 Best Original Score in Motion Picture – Michael Giacchino for UP. That works for us.

8:54 Best Minseries – We don’t even bother. We have TV ADD. If it is not on at the same time every week. fuck’um. Alcohol has kicked in. (Grey Gardens won.) And then they talk too much. Get the fuck off the stage.

9:00 Best Actress in Motion Picture Comedy – Meryl Streep for one of the movies. (Julie and Julia) Yes, she was nominated for two in the same catagory.  

9:11 Best Actor in a Miniseries – TV ADD. Oh wait, Kevin Bacon won. Everyone is related to him. I think that my cousin’s mother’s hairdresser’s son’s friend knowns him. He should call him and get his hair brushed.

9:13 Best Actress in a Miniseries – Drew Barrymore. She’s all happy. And we still don’t care.

9:23 Best Screenplay Motion Picture – Jason Reitman. We have nothing funny to say because Lee is still in an extended swoon over Gerard Butler. We’ll be back after she has a cigarette.

9:26 Best Actor in Comedy Series Alec Baldwin. Glee dude lost. May Alec become more and more fatter and creepier looking. You have been cursed, Alec.

9:34 Sophia Loren. There is a classy bitch right there!

9:35 Best Foreign Language Film – The White Ribbon. Lee is cursing them in Spanish. (Lee does that all the time.)

9:38 Best TV Series Drama – Mad Men. We got nothing. Paul never heard of the show until it started winning awards and Lee only used it as wacking off material ‘cuz she like the Hamm guy.

9:46 Best Supporting Actress in TV Series Comedy – Chloi Sevigny. Bull-Shit! Jane is sooooo much funnier.

9:49 Best Supporting Actor in Motion Picture – Christoph Waltz. Quenton looks like he has botox his head. Smooth like a baby’s butt.

10:15 Director Motion Picture – James Cameron. OK, Avatar has finally won something. We think that he was going to cry if he didn’t win.

10:20 Best TV Series Comedy – It better be Glee. It better be Glee. It better be Glee. It’s … Glee!

10:28 Best Motion Picture Comedy – The Hangover. Wow. Yes it was funny. (Paul still likes Harold and Kumar better.) Mike Tyson just won a Golden Globe. Satan come thru again. Watch out for the earthquakes.

10:36 Best Actress in Motion Picture Drama – Sandra Bullock. Excellent. She gives good speech. We really like her. Even more now. We want to throw back a few and talk shit with her.

10:40 Best Actor in Motion Picture Comedy – Robert Downey Jr. This is the best speech that we have ever heard. God, we love this guy. We so want to do a line of coke off of a hooker’s ass with him.

10:46 Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama – Jeff Bridges. Spiderman (former) didn’t look happy.

10:55 Best Motion Picture Drama – Not Avatar. Not Avatar. Not Avatar. And the winner is… Avatar. Shit.

And we are so very done. Thanks for hanging with us during the Golden Globes. We are taking MLK day off so we will see you on Tuesday. Love.