God - 2/4 - CoupleDumb

Monday is here and we are busy covering a conference for Mingle Media. We would love to be here chatting with our readers but duty calls and Lee is ready for her close up. It’s amazing that 2 years ago we were sitting at home wondering how we would ever get people to read our stuff and today we are getting over 1000 viewers of Relationship Rehab a week and thousands of readers a day at our site. Maybe there is something to all this new age mumbo jumbo?

Lee says: Call us hippies. We don’t mind. We have watched ‘What the Bleep’… we have travelled ‘The Road Less Travelled’ and we know our ‘Erroneous Zones’. We are ‘those’ people and we have worn crystals and lit incense and chanted and intended and done vision boards. I am not ashamed of any of this. People make fun of it but honestly I feel sorry for those people. You know who I’m talking about. They are the skeptics. The nay-sayers. The ‘how stupid is that’ people. They are the ‘Doubting Thomas’ of our time. They are Penn and Teller and a whole slew of Amazing Randy’s. These are the people who would not have a glimpse of light enter their darkened universe because hope is a con and pain is real.

I will admit that I am skeptical and cynical by nature. I am not a fanatic and my hip hurts too much to jump on band wagons. I would consider myself cautiously optimistic when it comes to many of these New Agey things. I have tried them and I have seen results. But what the cynics fail to tell the masses because they never learn this themselves is the following: None of this works if you are not open. If anything, ‘The Secret’ is a compilation of things we have already heard and the secret really is a collection of things we already knew but for some (many) it was the first time they had heard some of these things. Reading, seeing and hearing that you can be the architect of your future is tired, if not clichéd, but believing it with every fiber of your being is a different animal all together. Believing it means that you are co-creating your life and in turn are responsible for everything. For some, that is enough to send them into the fetal position but for others who have been looking for the clue on how to live a happier life, this is like discovering gold in your back yard. This is ‘the aha experience’ that people yearn for.

There is no secret. That’s just a clever marketing title. There is no great ancient wisdom passed on from the Toltecs or Mayans or Aliens or your third grade teacher. The information that they are peddling has been part of our collective unconscious since the first protozoa oozed out of the slime. Knowing we are all the same and believing we are all the same is as similar as sugar and arsenic. One is a beautiful platitude that makes people think you are swell guy but the other kills whatever shreds of ego you had. Pride and me-firsts and entitlement and privilege are thrown away when you believe that we are all one. See? No secrets here.

The only real transformation that any of these programs holds is the ability to spark openness in people. Are you going to seriously walk around life with blinders on and deny the daily miracles or are you going to wake up, come back to life and revel in the magic. I think life is too short to be cynical and closed. I’ll get up in the morning, crank up my Krishna Das, chant, thank God, create my intentions and be grateful. To all my fellow travelers who have dropped the blinders, I say Namaste. To everybody else, I promise not to hand you flowers at the airport or knock on your door anytime soon.

Paul says: These ancient wisdoms were brought to you by Lee, now in her new role as Cuban-American mystic. You can buy her videos on CoupleDumb.com where she will channel such modern gurus as Paul Lynde, Stevie Wonder (who apparently is not dead but this will not stop her from channeling him) and your dog, Sparky.

jkids 300x172 Where are Children in the New Marriage?
          Marriage has changed considerably over the last half of a century. Of course, since it is Tuesday and this is CoupleDumb, we need to ask the question, ‘Where are children in this climate of new marriage?’ The answer is ‘nowhere’.

          Paul says: In the old days, the reason that people got married was to have children without getting a good ass-smiting by God. A married woman got pregnant, period. If she could not drop a litter then she was somewhat useless. Harsh but true. Then came the 60’s and the nature of equality changed throughout the nation. Women, rightfully, did not want to be solely baby making machines, couples started seeing the benefits of a two income family, and men did what they could to leave the caves and stand in the light of a new liberation of everyone. (Yes, I am a believer that what is good for some is good for all.)

          …And marriage went from being child centered to being something else. From the 1960’s to the 1980’s, the fertility rate in our nation dropped by half. In other words, we were making half the babies that we used to. I do not want anyone to get me wrong, I am delighted that we have moved from a child-centered marital system. My kids really should not be the center of anything short of a maybe one of the rings of hell, the ring with whiny children and drippy ice cream. But, if children are no longer the center of a marriage then what has replaced them?

          I’m not a big fan of answering by subtractions but here are some of the things that have not replaced them. Love is not at the center of marriages. We already know that most people cannot distinguish true love from the need for a good pickle poke. If anything, love has taken a step back from marriage since the closest that people came to unconditional love was in the act of bonding with their children. So love is out.

          Being married has not taken center stage in marriage either. Divorce rates are up, people cohabitate more than ever, and rearing a child outside of wedlock is becoming more and more common. So the value of marriage existing for itself has definitely not taken hold.

          My take on things, for what it is worth, is that nothing has taken the position of center and that that is what we are seeing and experiencing now. We are searching for that new center. Women struggle daily with the balance of wife, mom and lover while trying to hold on to their individuality and still be part of something greater. Men are slowly learning to let go of the reigns of breadwinning despot with one hand while taking up the roles of nurturer and team player with the other.

          Oddly enough, in all of this searching, the teen population still knows what they want. I’m going to say something that I don’t think that I have ever said: teens are a lot smarter than they look. OK, that felt weird. But they are proving themselves. In a recent study of high school students, they said overwhelmingly that they value marriage. They said that they want to be married, have children but only when they are financially secure, and have careers that allow for a balance of family and work. How bad does it have to be that adults can take priority cues from adolescents? What’s next, talking dogs?

            Lee says: That might help marriage as well. I am sure that our ugly dog, who Paul was whoring out yesterday, could give plenty of people advice.

            I know that one thing people are trying is making their marriage God centered. Well, here is where Lee gets herself in trouble. God, for lack of a better way of saying this, cannot hold up a falling marriage. If you were raised in the Judeo-Christian faiths then you heard a little something about free will. This is where we can do what we want and it is God sanctioned. God, or whatever you call your spiritual connection, leaves for you to choose between good/evil, right/wrong, commitment or other, responsible or irresponsible. Making Him the center of a marriage is thus giving Him the responsibility to hold you up. Sure, I hear a lot of the chatter about how these couples are commanded to be the best husband and wife… and that this makes marriage so important….but let me tell you a little secret. Christians have a higher divorce rate than any other religion.

            I believe God wants us to make the marriage (commitment) the center of the marriage. Do well there and you can pretty much do anything else. The foundation we create at home is what buoys us throughout our lives. God is support and a beacon for everything in life but we lose the purpose of our beliefs if instead of keeping our faith as the mood music we make it the lyrics, the dance moves and the pounding bass.

sharebookmarx Where are Children in the New Marriage?

d and d Ask questions or face Pauls wrath

Since we received no questions this week, we figured we would tell you some of the things that are important to us. But, in order to keep the format and not confuse any of you out there, we’ll write it like a question. WARNING: We better get some questions for next week or Paul will regale you with his different Dungeons and Dragons campaigns.

Gertrude from Idaho had a question: Hey Lee and Paul, I love your blog. It gives my life meaning in the middle of this harsh winter. I was wondering, other than being fabulous, what issues or topics are you passionate about?

Gertrude, thanks for the question. Paul and I are extremely opinionated, some would argue judgmental, so we have many topics that prick our interest and others that get us ranting. We will list some of them that are sure to piss off some of our readers. Here they are:

1. Equal Rights/Gay Marriage: Paul and I feel very strongly that all people are created equally.This includes that little twink wearing the size 1 jeans and the boa or the lovely woman in flannel with the mullet. They deserve the same rights, respect and protection under the law as any other person on this earth.

2. God is not a bigot: Stop pushing your agenda to oppress, hurt, repress, enslave and punish those different than you in the name of God. Paul and I believe that God is a fat, black lesbian but she loves you anyway.

3. Humor is important: If you immerse yourself in the doom and gloom of the news or the panic of the world, we are all fucked. Lighten up people! FYI: Perez Hilton, my fellow Cuban American, I love your site and read it like a fiending addict. However, stop reporting the lay-offs and other shit news of the day. It’s a bummer and you are feeding the negative energy beast. I see you as a rainbow beacon of light and it makes the hag in me all atwitter when you do your thing. Rock on Cubanito!

4. Misbehaving children: More specifically, having other people’s children enter our space bubble when we are out. If you are in a restaurant with your child, make them sit down! We have 3 kids and they learned early on that that behavior is unacceptable. They also know that we could live with 2 if they insist on their bad behavior.

5. Slow children: O.K., that sounds bad. What we mean are those kids who see a car coming and saunter to a side walk, making you stop for them. We have a group of kids down the street who play basketball and, on a daily basis, we have to stop for those little shits to get out of the way. Where are there parents? Why don’t they understand simple physics (two bodies can not occupy the same space)? Our only satisfaction is that the parents of these children who have been raised to feel the world owes them something, will be lamenting this when these kids never leave home.

So now you have a glimpse at us. Did we strike a cord? Did we piss you off? Write us. Comment. Ask us questions or next week be prepared to hear about how Paul obtained the Wand of Wonder back in 1987 during a two day campaign. That’s three bags of Doritos and a case of Dr. Pepper to a regular human.

sharebookmarx Ask questions or face Pauls wrath

Namaste

Where are Children in the New Marriage?

Ask questions or face Paul's wrath

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