Glenn Beck » CoupleDumb

Which One Is Hitler?

Oct 112010

Welcome to another week of CoupleDumb. If you are anything like us and you probably are since we aren’t aliens or complete weirdoes, you are probably overwhelmed. We have a gazillion things going on right now and frankly, are finding it really hard to not be experiencing a little Work ADD. You know the symptoms. Can’t concentrate. A little irritable. Going off on a tangent. Well that is us and so this week, we embrace our Work ADD and are doing a Free For All week. Yes, it is a theme less week that we are labeling anyway. Back off, this is how we file the stuff. Today, Lee gets to go off on one of her tangential rants.

Lee rants: Have you been watching the news lately? I swore years ago during a time where I was grounded, my Kundalini was flowing and my heart chakra was bursting with love that I would no longer damage my aura with the negative energy generated by the news. In laymen’s terms, news was icky and it made me feel bad. I figured I would read it instead. I still get the information because I am not a total ostrich but I didn’t need to see the images or hear the inane banter and supposed non-bias commentary of the talking head.

Regardless of how I tried, the images seeped into my unconscious mind and soon I was baffled by a recurring image I kept seeing. I would see signs likening people to Hitler, referring to Hitler and Nazis or just the little Hitler like ‘stache on faces. I thought to myself, ’Holy shit! Is someone reviving the ideas of Adolph and resurrecting the psychotic’s ideas of the Aryan Race and complete world domination through a fascist government?’ So, to assuage my fears I watched some Beck, Olberman, Maddow and O’Reilly. Yes, I watched TV like a good middle of the road kind of person. What I found was that people had completely lost their fucking minds and I was better off shutting off the TV, sealing the house and taking the family far from here. Maybe rural Canada.

I kept seeing the Tea Baggers with their signs likening Obama to Hitler and calling him a communist. Perhaps I was out of the loop to long. Did the Congress at some point allow lead into our water again? Because these claims are so fucking outrageous that I am impressed these people can even walk upright! I don’t care about your politics you crazy Tea Baggers but for the love of God (who, if the signs are correct, is a tea bagger too), get your history straight.

Hitler was a bad guy with a deep seeded inferiority complex who was born in Austria which also happens to be where his dreams of being an artist were crushed by an abusive father who was fiercely Austrian and a dumb ass government worker who wanted Adolph to follow in his footsteps as an underpaid clerk but Adolf instead wrote a little book called Mein Kampf and then he went to Germany and took over the country and created the Nazi party which believed only really white people should be alive and Jews and Catholics and Homos and anybody else who was not on board with his whitey take-over should be rounded up, experimented on like animals and killed and flopped into mass graves. Historically, Hitler is the Jew Killer. Hitler is synonymous with concentration camps and World War II. Hitler is the CEO of Hell. Hitler is the head of the Nazis which is the National Socialist German Workers Party. Don’t get the name all confused. Hitler and his Nazis were fascist. He was not a communist or socialist which should have been obvious with the whole Jew round up.

So my request is simple. If you want to say that someone is a communist, find a picture of a communist! Maybe you can use Stalin or Lenin or Marx. However, I realize you are too stupid to know the difference. Everyone has seen the studies, which show that most Americans don’t know history so you use the only villainous historical figure you know, Hitler; the idiots go-to bad guy.

I admit I am a bit of an intellectual and a snob. I can read, do math, breath with my mouth closed and have an understanding of American and World history. However, I am not asking you to be ready for fucking Jeopardy and spout off dates to the Treaty of Versailles or who was Charlemagne. I just want you guys to think before you put up stupid, confusing images that just make you look more idiotic. I mean, come on people, Tea Baggers? You’re OK with the name being synonymous with testicles slapping your face or dropped into your mouth? If you are then maybe this whole point was moot and you should go back to eating your paint chips and drinking water out of rusty pipes.

WTF: What The Faith

WTF of the Week

Jul 172010

          We don’t know if you would believe it but we are spiritual people. We know a lot of people see ‘spiritual’ as code for New Agey/Pagan/Wiccan/Hug a Tree while dancing nekkid during the Full Moon that happens during the Winter Solstice. Truth be told we were both raised Catholic and have evolved out of that faith to embrace more Eastern philosophies. However, at the end of the day, Jesus is still a cool dude in our book and our main spiritual connection. So what’s with the declaration? Did CoupleDumb hear a horn or see a some scary guys riding horses? Nothing that dramatic but it is amazing and it has us saying What the Faith?

          One hundred thousand Christians have banded together and under the name ‘Faithful America’ have gone after none other than Glenn Beck for his campaign against Christian Social Justice. Mr. Beck has been preaching about how ‘social justice’ is really code for Nazism and communism. Beck has also recommended that people leave their churches if the pastor mentions social justice. Beck, who considers himself a Mormon, has said things like ‘social justice is about stealing’ and that social justice ‘leads to death camps.’ ‘A Jew, of all people, should know that,’ Beck has said. ‘[Social Justice] is exactly the kind of talk that led to the death camps in Germany.’

          Now Faithful America is chasing Beck through this country running ads reminding Christians that Beck advocates denying any teaching that urges you to give to your fellow man. You see, in Beckland, this leads us to the slippery slope of Nazism. You remember how nice Nazis were, right? Baking cookies for their fellow man? Opening soup kitchens for the downtrodden? Faithful America’s slogan is ‘Driven by Faith, Not Fear’. We think this is genius and it could not come soon enough. We were wondering when Christians would wake up and see that their new spokesperson and news agency, FOX News, was running with the idea that any attempt to help anyone in any way is Nazism/Communism. Since Fox News is run by backwards, hillbillies who enjoy the company of their underage cousins, allegedly, they probably missed the government lesson that Nazis were fascists which are on the other extreme of the political spectrum.

          But we digress because this post is to sing the praises of the one hundred, thousand Christians who refuse to be lumped into the fear mongering, idiotic, racist, delusional, paranoid, name calling asses who call themselves the voice of this nation, the little people and Middle America. There is absolutely nothing ‘middle’ about them. They are the extreme of the extremes. They are a mish mosh of backwoods, closeted Hatfields, flying confederate flags, shouting conspiracy, communism, Nazism to see which words strikes the most fear. They dissect things and twist them until you can read holocaust or genocide (two of Becks favorite words). If they can’t get a rise out of people, they scream reverse discrimination and calmly wait for Obama to rip off his mask and clothes to show the be-grilled thug in a 3X track suit threatening to pop a cap in whitey’s ass while Michele, Malia and Sasha wear their apple bottom jeans and pop their ass to Lil Johns ‘Get Low’.

          We salute you Faithful America. Our hope is that more people wake up and smell the bullshit that Beck, Palin, Williams, Hannity, O’Reilly et.al. are cooking. Let us wake up and remember that America was not founded as a promise land but the land of ruffians kicked out of the ‘decent’ countries. We’re the mutts! And as such we should be loyal and faithful and protect our pack which includes all of us. Not just some and not the fear mongering dips like Glenn ‘I see Nazis’ Beck.

Celebrity Smackdown : Glenn Beck

Celebrity Smackdown

Oct 072009

The caption says it all.

          Wednesday! Everyday of the week has a different topic regarding relationships and, in essence, each day is in competition with the others. So we know that in the middle of the night, Tuesday dukes it out with Monday and everybody gangs up on WTF of the Week Saturdays. To us, Wednesday’s Celebrity Smackdown is an oasis unto itself. We pick people of celebrity and critique them as bad examples or role models of relationships pertaining to the topic of the week. When we discuss competition, this is difficult to do since they are all competing with one another in some way. Magazine covers, awards, parts in films, records sales and blog topics are just some of the competitions going on right now. But these competitions aren’t hurting the United States as much as one individual who is competing to scare the living bejeesus out of everyone here and he doesn’t care how he does it.

          Who is the one who seems committed to bring this country down? GLENN BECK! Some of you may have answered Satan and, if I actually believed in a Satan, I would say that Glenn Beck is in competition with that little Devil. For those of you who have been blessed by not seeing the craptastic cable ‘news’ show, Glenn Beck is an idiot who takes some information and twists it around to sensationalize and demonize any person or organization who believes differently than him. His viewers, who apparently lack access to books or Google, lap up everything he says without question while polishing their guns and ironing their white sheets. Oh I’m sorry Mr. Beck, did I just say that some of your drones are racists? You bet ya!

          Let us begin the real smackdown by discussing your 912 Project. You created this organization to get back to basics, to save this country from the onslaught of communism and probably a way to siphon some non profit funds back to yourself. You created the 12 values and 9 principles that WE all must live by to make this country great. You force a belief, jingoism and blind faith on your people. I don’t know if maybe I’m reading into this because of my background but this sounds an awful lot like what Castro did to Cuba.

          And what of your values of being honest and responsible, Mr. Beck? When you find that your reports are based on crap, wouldn’t the responsible thing to do be to own up to it? Take it back. Say ‘My bad. I was misinformed, wrong and never bothered to check my sources.’ Apparently, those values don’t pertain to you. For example the 9/12 March on Washington this year where you insist that there were millions and showed a picture where some University used some fancy math and estimated a gazillion people there. The picture you were using was from the 1997 promise keepers’ march. Now a lot of your cohorts used the same picture but they have since reissued new numbers which do not top 70,000 participants. And to argue that these ‘peaceful’ participants weren’t potentially violent because they were hugging each other and singing the anthem? Beck, you know your audience. You are whipping them up for a coup and you know it. Your conscience is your ratings. The more radical and extreme you get, the better your numbers. You are speaking to the old Millennium freaks who are still pissed that we haven’t reverted to caveman days and are still eating canned food that they had stockpiled. These botulism ridden half wits need a leader and you have just enough brain cells to do it. Your followers are racists, militia men who would be happy to threaten our president for the good of your cause and you are fine with that.

          But please remember Mr. Beck, in science, which I know you don’t believe in because God answers everything and we shouldn’t ask why, equilibrium is the perfect state. We will venture back to the middle where we belong and not polarized because of assholes like you. I propose we create a space ark and tell all the zealots, Beckheads, Talibanis and extremists, that a cataclysmic thing is going to happen. Don’t worry, they won’t check their facts. We tell them God has judged us and that only the self righteous can leave and the rest of us can burn in the fiery pits of our own making. They leave, telling us I told you so, and we send them to the other ends of the universe where they will be enslaved by some alien race. Then the rest of us can live a peaceful, normal life without these yahoos pushing their agendas down our throats. What do you think?