education - 2/2 - CoupleDumb

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          With our son starting school yesterday, we just had to take a look at this whole schooling thing. Who knew that people took education so seriously?

          Paul says: I am a layperson. I may spout great wisdoms based on my experiences in my own therapy and my happy coexistence with a wife who is a therapist but when it comes right down to it, I am still just some guy that has learned a lot over his life. So this means that I still get surprised by stuff occasionally.

          It happened recently when Lee and I were discussing educational approaches with our friend, Nadine, and she had both knowledge and opinion on the subject. She is a kindergarten teacher and what impressed me was the fact that she had studied this stuff and really found it important.

          I know that it sounds silly and a bit arrogant but I knew that Nadine had a master in education but I really had no idea what she learned getting this degree. Now that I have confessed my lack of knowledge, I will impart to you what I learned about educational approaches as a result. (Since I was obviously pretty stupid and at least mildly offensive, I got quite the lesson. I will try to boil it down to a few lines since you are smarter and less obnoxious then me.

          Even I have heard of the Montessori approach to learning. If you go to the official Montessori site, one of the first things that they tell you is that the word Montessori in not copyrighted and anyone can call themselves a Montessori teacher. So watch out. As far as the actual approach, they believe in work, which I think is brilliant. Let’s face it, it is work. Coloring in the lines in no less difficult to a kindergartener than adding a column of numbers is to an accountant. Montessori is child driven education with the kids learning at their pace and with the help of other kids. From reading the parent bulletin boards , the impression is that Montessori really works well for bright kids that are neither shy nor outgoing. Since Montessori values quite self-driven motivation, shy kids tend to be overshadowed and outgoing kids tend to be troublemakers. Child to teacher ratio tends to be high since the children are encouraged to handle their own learning.

          The teaching approach that got me all lectured at was the Reggio Emilia model because the school that our youngest started at yesterday follows that approach. Rick has the learning style of Bacchus, loud and overindulgent, so Montessori is definitely out for him. Apparently, the Reggio Emilia approach is the nanobot technology of education in that it is all kinds of cutting edge. For example, Google has a complex for their bazillion employees that they call the Googleplex. Of course, the Googleplex has a day care/school and, you guessed it, they follow the Reggio Emilia approach. For the Reggio Emilia people, kids learn because they like learning stuff. Every parent knows that children are all infected with some level of OCD. When they decide that they like something, nothing in heaven or earth will dissuade them. So what they do is build whole lessons around these likes. Ricky like trains so he will learn letters by spelling train, colors from coloring trains, science from locomotion… you get the idea. Ricky is going to become a little train specialist. Also, the other big deal is the level of communication. They communicate the ’experiences’ of the child every day plus project documentation and scrapbooks and anything else that they can think of.

          I can keep going because there are a billion different approaches, from some that are Quaker-like with faceless dolls and wood toys to super progressive hippies, but I’m not going to go through every one (mainly because I am typing this at a party and I want to go get my drink on).

          Bottom line is to know your child and know yourself. From there you can research schools and match one to your family’s needs.

          Lee says: Teaching and learning is as varied as wines. Stop and take a minute to educate yourself. No, we are not big supporters of home-schooling but we do believe in advocating for your kids and being supportive. I like that kids are being taught in different styles and encouraged to explore. Ricky can do that for 6 hours a day and be exhausted when he comes home.

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          As the summer vacation comes to an end, we need to focus on the new school year. This upcoming academic year elicits some bitter-sweet emotions for us. Mainly, we have one child beginning his education in PK3, one entering first grade and one graduating from high school. All three will experience a different kind of education than they have ever experienced. As parents, our role as support and advocate remains. But what about this education they are about to receive? Is it worth all this grief?

          Lee says: Are my children receiving a quality education? Are they getting the best? I am happy to say that where we live, they are attending the best schools. The oldest two attend public school and will continue their education in schools that are regarded ‘A’ schools by the State of Florida. This means that the schools have been assessed by the state and based on the academic testing done in specific grades, these schools rank amongst the finest in the state. Our oldest actually attends a school that is ranked in the top 40 high schools in the nation. This isn’t bragging. It is just information.

          The reality is that none of this means anything if the parents are not on board as a support in their child’s education. My kids could be attending a sub-par school and still be maximizing their potential because we insist that they apply themselves. Education is very important to us. Paul and I were both teachers at one point in our lives and have committed ourselves to our own personal education. We have passed this on to our kids.

          Now, please do not read in this the ‘we are good parents because this is what we do’ blah blah. We are not even remotely perfect and we will admit some of our expectations may seem unreasonable to some. Also, we are blessed because our kids have shown an aptitude to education early on. We know we are blessed. Even with a multiply handicapped child, academically she has a black belt. We do, however stress that atmosphere has more to do with a child’s educational attitude than anything else. If a child is raised in a certain conversation (i.e. Jeannie was told at 2 ½ that she should never go to college in Florida so she could explore the world and now she won’t even consider applying to a school in Florida), they will make choices for themselves based on those conversations.

          It’s like this, you need to point the gun and the child will eventually fire it. We tell the kids that school is important and fun and exciting. Eventually, they will agree. It is fine to raise a child to believe the decision is theirs and you have some sort of faux democracy going on. You can run your household anyway you want. In our home, we believe in a more oligarchical society with occasional bouts of fascism. We believe in parenting with parameters. We believe each meta message is ‘this is what we want’ then allow them to choose how they follow those directions.

          We owe everything to our attitude regarding education, not necessarily our actual education. We appreciate that our parents never tried to homeschool us since we probably would not be around today to be able to discuss this. We are grateful that we know enough to know we don’t know everything and are blessed to know how to find the information. We hope we pass this along to our kids.

          Paul says: It’s all about attitude. Then again, isn’t everything? Studies show that, if you want your kids to be successful in school, tell them that they are successful in school. Children that are good at math are so because somewhere along the line someone told them how good they are at math.

          I happen to be exceptional at the art of love making. This is due to the fact that I have been told over and over how good I am. Of course, this was said by me and usually into a mirror. We all get our props where we can.

Being that we have been happily, romantically married 20 years, we set up this site touting ourselves as gurus of the marriage and family realm. OK, maybe not gurus. Better said, we are paladins, fanatically hacking and slashing away at society’s sick and broken concepts of relationship all the while leaving behind a wake of broken and bloodied carnage. We have devoted Friday’s to answering reader’s questions. This is your opportunity to benefit from the plunder of our assault. So, ask away. No subject is taboo. fat kid Early Education

Osmara asked: What are your thoughts about early education? We have a 3 1/2 year old son who loves music, dancing, singing and tries playing the guitar, but he’s not into academics (learning letter recognition, etc). Part of me know he will have many many academic years ahead so don’t push him now too much but the other part of me want’s him to do well and know his stuff. What do you suggest as parents?

Lee’s response: Paul and I are big proponents of early education. We tend to believe that children are sponges and to strike while the iron is hot. I remember that this was one of the first arguments I had with my mother-in-law oh so many years ago. She believed a kid should enjoy their early child hood and I believed we should work the little buggers like some sweatshop in Bangladesh. So who was right?

At the end of the day, we both were. Our eldest, Jeannie, started school at 18 months. It wasn’t a day-care it was a school. Jeannie has special needs and the school was run by Occupational and Physical therapists. It was a great experience for her and 14 ½ years later, she is still in school. In her case, it was necessary to provide stimulation and intervention so that she could develop to her maximum potential. Jeannie, so you have a better understanding, is multiply handicapped. She has severe vision problems, hard of hearing, little to no use of her left side and has Asperger’s Syndrome. I strongly believe that all of the early intervention and education helped her be the well adjusted kid she is today. Most people can’t tell she has the laundry list of stuff she does. So, yahoo early education!

Now, we have Bobby, who just turned 5. Bobby has no special needs, unless you consider waxing a special need (He’s a hairy little monkey). Bobby will begin public school in the fall but already knows 2^nd grade math concepts, reads and writes. He has gone to a couple of schools for a few months here and there. What we have found is that his behavior at home deteriorates when he goes to school. A lot has to do with the fact that he has encountered mediocre teachers (not his PreK3 teacher who was the best!). As former educators, we understand classroom discipline and how a teacher must set up a classroom like a healthy relationship. The appropriate behaviors and aberrant behavior must be outlined with their consequences. If a teacher does not have this kind of set up, run. Kids need parameters to feel safe. Kids follow rules instinctively to receive positive reinforcements. When these limits are not set, a child will push boundaries to mentally delineate where the boundaries are thus misbehaving.

So, what to do? I feel that if you are teaching him the basics at home (i.e. his colors, shapes, counting, alphabet, etc.) and he has time to socialize with other kids then keep him home. If not, send him to school but be prepared for the fall out. If you luck out with a good teacher with great classroom management, you have nothing to worry about. I will never be a proponent of home schooling but with a young one, there is a lot to be said about maturation, behavior and preparation of a child who doesn’t spend his early childhood eating paste in a classroom.

Paul’s response: Feed him lead and don’t teach him to speak. That’s the mistake we made with Jeannie. By 18 months she was speaking in full sentences and hasn’t stopped for a breath since. The boys seem to be following in her footsteps. If you insist on raising him as something more than a grunting Neanderthal, then do it all the way. To me, the best education that you can give is to demonstrate smart. Show him what it looks like to learn, to read, and to communicate. Above all, talk. Do not just talk to him but around him as an inclusive part of the family. There is nothing more gratifying than having your 3 ½ year old ask what ‘sophisticated’ means. From there, you can answer him in a way that guarantees you will hear him use the word again and appropriately. Of course, this also works well for the word ‘dip-shit’.

Thank you for reading and keep submitting questions.

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