This is Paul. It's good to be king.

          Can you feel it? There are only a couple of days before Thanksgiving and you can smell the excitement in the air. We get so wrapped up in the turkey and fixings that we forget why we do this. No, CoupleDumb will not be leading you into a retelling of how the Pilgrims gave thanks because they weren’t dead. No, we aren’t going to mention that that story is a little skewed and the act of giving thanks was really that of the Native Americans. Just something else we stole from them. No, we are going to focus on our kids and how to teach them to be grateful people and not self-entitled little shits. Now pass the mashed potato!


          Lee says: Kids are changing. Parents are caving. The act of appreciating what you have is becoming a lost art form. If it doesn’t have blinking lights or a lithium charger then it’s stupid and tossed to one side. Kids are watching there shows and realizing that we, as parents, are dispensable too!  Have you watched any of those shows on Disney and Nick? Out of 5 shows maybe one set of kids have active parents. In most cases, the parents are extras or support players. Kids are learning that they can raise themselves and if they have everything they ‘need’, parents are just a nuisance.


          Well, not in my house! First of all, our kids aren’t allowed to watch that tripe. The networks try to sneak it in between cartoons but we nip that as soon as the theme song goes on. Those shows get their laughs from the broad comedy that we see in old vaudeville. Mugging for the camera. Over the top reactions to insanely unlikely scenarios. However, because they are real actors, the kids begin to believe that big reactions and drama are normal. Well, it ain’t, at least in my house.


          My boys have this thing where they watch their cartoons and, when a cool toy comes on, they yell out ‘I want that!’ The toys range from any of the cool cars (Hot Wheels) to movie toys that are so amazing (Star Wars, Transformers). They even say things like ‘I want to give that to Gabby!’ (my niece) when it’s a doll or Barbie. Now, do they expect to get those things? Do they expect Mom and Dad to hold up Geoffrey the Giraffe at gun point and empty out Toys R Us including their weird toys that no one knows why they would carry such items? Do my boys think that our 14 foot Christmas tree is going to be dwarfed by the amount of gifts the fat man in the red suit is bringing them? No.


          My kids are not wanting but they have never and will never be spoiled. We teach them at an early age that one is enough and to be grateful for what they have. Thank you is just as important as saying please. In our home, we say thank you whenever anyone does anything. For example, ‘Bobby, pick up your toys!’ is quickly followed by ‘Thanks Bobby!’ Now Bobby does the same thing with Ricky. When we go out, the kids are held to the same standards. The boys have learned to walk through the store with their hands at their back. When we ask them to get something for us it is quickly followed by the call and response of ‘thanks’ and ‘you’re welcome’.


          Life is pleasant in our home. Everyone pulls their weight and no one expects a pass because they are too small. Everybody is expected to give their thanks even for getting food! Does this mean we have no revolts in this faux socialist kingdom (faux since Paul and I are the bosses and I don’t give a crap how many times you say please or thank you to me)? Sure they revolt! They argue! They bitch! But at the end of the day, they are thankful for what they have since they know that all knowing and controlling king and queen can take it all away in a second. And for their great benevolence, they are grateful!   
  

          Paul says: Our children are revolting? Hell, they’re disgusting! Sorry but I needed to do the bad joke, not because it is funny but because it is accurate. One of the problems with the ungrateful brats on TV is that they do not say thank you to the obvious but unseen cleaning person. Everything in these kid’s lives is pristine whereas my kids eat like Henry the Eighth’s sloppy cousin, dropping food whenever they become bored. But we taught them well because they are always grateful when, 15 minutes later, they happen upon the same chunk of banana, realize that they are still hungry and pop it in their mouth.

WordPress Plugin Share Bookmark Email

Picture and comment from Perez Hilton. Thanks Perez

Picture and comment from Perez Hilton. Thanks Perez

If you are gearing up to see the Jonas Brothers movie come out in 3D, stop reading now. We’re just going to upset you. If you own the Hannah Montana wig with concert microphone, walk away from your computer and go play your Best of Both Worlds where you can pretend to spend the day with your idol. If you are my little brother, I’m about to upset you and don’t bother calling Mom cause she’s on my side. This isn’t just a kid thing. Parents are obviously feeding this Disney beast and singing along to those insipid little songs.

We will start this week’s Celebrity Smackdown part Deux with a question: When did Disney figure that focusing on our daughters would make them the most money? Think about it people, if your son’s are really into any of the evening Disney shows, you might need to look into PFLAG groups in your area. All of these shows are targeting girls. Even the shows with guys as the main character are being built up to showcase these boys as prepubescent sex symbols or safe crushes that will never deflower your babies until their White Weddings.

The one that really pisses me off is Miley Cyrus. I recently read where a celebrity won’t allow her kids to watch her because she teaches kids to be sassy. I say right on to that Mommy! First of all, Miley Cyrus sounds like she’s been up all night smoking Camels and drinking Jack. Her teeth are still a mystery to me since she obviously has enough money to fix them. Also, how old is she supposed to be on the show? I know she is being raised by her father (don’t get me started on Billy Ray “The Pimp” Cyrus and that god awful hair), but most of the shows he is nowhere to be found. She’s sassy, flirtatious and constantly mugging for the camera which as an adult I only find funny when Lucille Ball does it. That bitch had talent and is an icon unlike this Miley chick.

And what are they teaching are young moldable little girls? All of these programs have something in common – absentee parents. All of these young teens can care for themselves and do things like adults like go out, go to restaurants and have a website with a cyber-cam. It is only a matter of time before Chris Hansen shows up on I Carly and catches another predator. They encourage girls to live double lives like Hannah or the Wizards of Waverly Place. The unhealthy behavior of keeping a secret and faking who you really are is something we figured out on our own in the old days. Now they have to spoon feed our kids to develop alter egos and frivolous personas to get through their painful lives in hopes of finding a moment of love. But I digress.

Now you have Miley “Where’s my Crack?” Cyrus dating a 20 year old. This is who you want your little girls to emulate? The Jonas Brothers wear chastity rings so why can’t Miley? I’ll tell you why, it doesn’t grow back no matter how much you pray or pretend.

Listen Disney, we have little kids and we do love sharing the Disney experience with our children. However, this tact you are taking is making it difficult for us to trust you with our offspring. We aren’t going to have anymore so it’s not like I can make more if you mess these up. Where is the innocence?  Where is the cheery dispositions and child like quality that we adored in the old Disney shows? Have you also fallen to the cynicism of society? Et tu Disney?

Follow us on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/coupledumb

 

WordPress Plugin Share Bookmark Email

disney-mickey-mouse-58541        

You’re wondering, “Why would anybody say anything negative about Disney?” If you are thinking this, stop drinking the Kool Aid and pay attention. Once again, don’t get us wrong. We love Disney. We love the movies and the parks. As parents, we have tithed the requisite 20% of our yearly income to all things Disney. But, at some point, we have to acknowledge that they have hijacked our culture. This smack-down is less about celebrity and more about how fame has given them the power to change the social fabric of our country. “Don’t fuck with the mouse?” Heh… Lube up Mickey. Here we go….

Lee’s comments: Let us begin with the Disney films. These were the only animated films we watched. These are all classics in their own right even without the Disney moniker plastered on them. Most of these stories were taken by classic tales already widely circulated and run through the imagination of the Disney machine. So what’s the big deal?

1. Disney films only portray women as hapless fools who can only depend on men or evil bitches. Go through your Disney film catalogue and start naming off the main characters of each film. You will find that there is a preponderance of female leads. If you investigate further, you will find most of them have no mothers. Case in point: Snow White, Cinderella, Beauty, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine. All of these characters are either raised by their fathers or evil stepmothers. The point of all of their films is how the girls are not complete until they find the right man.

          I’ll be honest. I know that I became a better woman when I married Paul but I can assure you I never sat next to my window singing for some guy to find me. The first time I saw my daughter singing that song from Snow White, I almost had a feminist conniption. What shit! The newer females are not much better. Sure they seem a little tougher but ultimately they need the man to take control of them to tame their shrew.

          But what can you expect from girls raised in castles by bumbling men? All of these girls have no mommy. They aren’t even mentioned as if it’s been so long that the mother is a non entity. Of course a man can raise a child as well as a woman but I think this trend is more an indication of Disney’s issues with mothers and women in general than a social commentary. And let’s face it, when he does portray a mother, albeit a step mom, he creates this heinous creature and some of the scariest shit any of his movies have. You try watching the scene in Snow White where the step mother witch transforms into a hag and makes the apple. Just thinking about it makes me shiver! I know many step mothers and most of them don’t scare me or request the heart of their stepchild in a box.

          I am the mother of a teenage girl and as such feel obligated to set her straight and teach her how the world works for smart women. I teach her she doesn’t need a man to be complete. I teach her that if she goes into a house with little furniture to run. Dwarves are not your friend! I teach her that some men will feel the need to rescue her. Those guys can pay your rent and utilities once but then move on. I teach her never to accept an apple from an old woman. It’s just creepy. But mostly I teach her to follow her heart, speak her mind and be fearless. Let’s face it, it worked for Belle.

Paul’s comments: Whereas the women are missing a piece of themselves, the male leads of the movies are all studs. (With the exception of Aladdin. I think he was pussy whipped.) With the guy’s, you can see a difference between the classic movies, the ones when Walt was alive or a direct influence, and the modern films. The movies with Walt’s touch had a certain old-school male wisdom wound through them. In one sense, they promoted a chivalrous male stereotype, which I do appreciate, but there was always an underlying chauvinism that still promotes that ‘Come on son. You’re 14 now. Let’s go get you laid’ male-female separatism.

          One example is the Jungle Book. This is my favorite Disney movie, by the way, mainly because of the King Louie song. In the Jungle Book, Mowgli spends most of the movie in male heaven – finding the bare necessities, fighting, sleeping, eating, and scratching his ass with a tree. At the end, he sees a young woman who shows him her big eyes. Eyes are a Disney boob metaphor. Let’s not pretend otherwise. And, without a word, he was in love. He wandered out of his all male jungle and into the ‘big eyes’ of the girl.

          Thus the 1950 paradigm of the ineffectual male drone and the wily women leading him by his manhood is perpetuated. Some fifty years later, I’m showing it to my boys. What else can I do? I like the music.

Lee responds: I’m batting my eyes at you honey just like Sebastian told Ariel. Are you sure it was a boob metaphor or a hoo hoo metaphor? In the Haitian culture they refer to a woman having her “eyes too open” as a euphemism for a woman who is evolved (euphemism for a chick who won’t let the guy just mess around without getting a little pissy). I see the eyes as an easier woman especially that little girl in “Jungle Book” who was seducing him with those huge alien eyes. That’s it! I figured out. Walt’s Mom was an alien!

          …to be continued because there’s just too much Disney stuff for one blog. We still have the parks, legal team, the new crop of Disney “stars” and Pixar to write about.

 

WordPress Plugin Share Bookmark Email

© 2012 CoupleDumb.com | Masthead by Alex Camman CoupleDumb.com accepts paid advertising and paid posts but all opinions are 100% theirs. Suffusion WordPress theme by Sayontan Sinha