So have you been reading faithfully this week? Wednesdays are usually when  we take a celebrity and put the smackdown on them but this week we have dedicated ourselves to the web series ‘Chris and Kate’ directed by Chris Purnell. And today’s episode is a really good one.

Lee says: One of the wonderful things that the media has done for people of the world is expand our minds to possible sexual scenarios. They have taken our fucked up, outrageous fantasies and presented them with enhanced breasts, cheesy story-lines, props and money shots. Some of these fantasies should have stayed locked up. In today’s installment, Chris shares his sexual experience with Kate.

          Chris is just making me look like a genius. He describes a sexual encounter with Kate like he just scored. Now, most of us in relationship of any kind, especially after 4 years, do not consider having intimate relationships with your live-in lover as scoring. Some of us would call it Wednesday night. But there he is, wearing sun glasses like he just made it with Angelina Jolie!

          My assessment of him as being co-dependent is just gathering more evidence as of this episode. He talks of his handcuffing and subsequent abandonment like it was no big deal. He was just abused by his girlfriend (I realize there are those of you that believe that being handcuffed to the point of dehydration would be the ultimate fantasy but you are a very small percentage on that bell curve). He tells his story as if people would find it sexy or even amusing. Yes I laughed because I know this is fiction but Chris Purnell has really jumped head first into the head of a co-dependent. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome with his and her towels (BTW- major kudos to Chris Conde for his work).

          Then the coup de grace is his final words of ‘I love her’. Why, because she didn’t let you die? We have spoken on this blog about how people confuse sex with love. In this case, Chris is upset about being handcuffed but forgives all because she finally releases him then follows it up with sex. He takes the blame for the incident and is compensated with an orgasm (even while passing out). Chris could not be more pathetic if he tried. Oh wait, sure he could. She could have performed anal on him.

          Paul says: As Lee and I are writing, our boys, ages 2 and 5, are playing ball. The 5 year old throws the ball and the 2 year old catches it with his face. They both laugh and the 5 year old pitches again. They’re going to keep this up until the 2 year old bleeds and both are crying.

          I tell you this because Chris is my 2 year old. Chris, she is beaning you in the face and you are laughing. Then, like my boys, you are going to keep up the game until you are both crying. After the tears, everyone will make up and go back to playing ‘smash Chris in the face’.

          The thing that I am really enjoying about this web series is that, even though Chris is fictions, he is so very real. I know him but by other names. Let me give you an example. We had a friend (past tense because his wife hit on me) and his wife was fucking around. The Chris-like part of the story is that he knew she was rampantly unfaithful but, when confronted, was angry with the guys his that she slept with.

          ‘Dude, she’s sleeping with other dudes.’

          ‘I know. How could the guys do that to me?’ he would ask.

          ‘The other guys?! You’re not married to the other guys. You are married to her.’

          Then he would look sad and say, ‘I know but that’s just the way she is.’

          So Lee calls it co-dependence and makes a comparison to Stockholm Syndrome. I guess the next move for all of our Chris friends out there is to get an unmarked white van and round up these lost motherfuckers because, to be honest, if I need to have another of these kind of ‘how screwed up are you’ conversations, I’m going to start putting people out of their misery.  

 

It’s Tuesday! Did you ever watch the old Mickey Mouse Club? Remember Cubby and Annette as they filed past in their Mickey ears? Such a simple time. Now this was way before our time as well but they embedded themselves in our psyche just like Mickey and McDonalds brain washes our offspring to the point that they say Mickey and Happy Meal before Mom and Dad. But we digress. Tuesday was a special day of the week since Tuesday was ‘Guest Star Day’. Today’s guest star is none other than Kate from ‘Chris and Kate’. Kate is a superstar in the entertainment industry. She has never starred with Sir Anthony Hopkins or any other muckity muck from the UK. However, we do believe that she has done multiple appearances with Rock Hardcoque. 

Lee says: Chris Rock says that his job as a father is to keep his daughter off the pole. Funny, but so true. Today the web series introduces us to Kate. Kate, even the way she’s filmed, is almost the antithesis of Chris. She speaks about herself and only herself. She starts the diary entry by discussing a life path. Interestingly enough, she also points to the ages of 9 or 10 when a person chooses a path. If you recall, Chris spoke of Kate being overly made up, belligerent and tattooed by the neighborhood thugs. She denies being abused but many kids, and the adults they grow up to be, miss the subtle signs of growing up in a sexually charged home.

          Porn stars aren’t born in a vacuum. Kate reports that at the age of 10 she started a computer relationship with a 45 year old, who subsequently gave her gifts, took picture and would tranquilize her to have sex with people. She says her father and uncle saw her video then burned down her older boyfriend’s home. Did anyone catch that? Her father and uncle were looking at porn together. They were watching kiddy porn! You do understand that you don’t have to touch a child in order to sexually molest them, don’t you? Kate may not have been abused by touch but the permissiveness and sexual undertone of her home is evident in her life path. She was active at the age of 9?!

          The sadder part of the entry was about how she believed that people didn’t know the real her. She says that people see her as bold and brash. I guess starring in ‘Midgets Need Love Too’ would give you that idea about anybody. Kate is the classic abused woman with hardly any understanding of her own feelings (which she claims to have ‘some’.) I don’t see any blatant personality disorder (but it’s not off the table yet) but I can see Post Traumatic Stress. Then again, midget fucking might do that to sanest of us.  

          Paul says: I’m not a professional therapist but I do see the obvious signs of Crazy Bitch Syndrome. I think that most guys have an innate ability to identify CBS. Kate is (and I know that I am going to get into trouble for this) the kind of woman that you have sex with but do not tell her your real name. As a precaution, leave your wallet at home and pay for drinks in cash.

          The only guys that miss the symptoms of CBS in a woman like Kate are guys like yesterday’s star, Chris. Kate comes off as ‘brash’ but in reality is sensitive and caring, unless you cross her. Then she will cut out your heart and wave it in front of you. (Ok, maybe I’m speaking from my own issues.) I’m guessing that Kate goes from hot to cold, changing directions with such speed that Chris envy’s Wile E. Coyote’s ability to keep up.  

          The best part about Kate is that she is fun. If you are not on the business end of her craziness, she is all kinds of entertaining. I look forward to seeing what cuckoo’s nest she flies over on Thursday.

 

 

What a grand Monday morning! We are so excited about this week because we get to team up with some incredible artists. This week we will be training our therapeutic wit on the Webseries ‘Chris and Kate’. Each day we will analyze and discuss one episode. The series was created by Chris Purnell who wrote and directed. The character of Chris is played by Chris Condie and Kate is played by Donna Griffin. ‘Chris and Kate’ is a new webseries about a tumultuous relationship between a Porn Star and her boyfriend. Each episode is short and sweet and done in the style of a video diary. The acting is superb so the only real work to be done here is to analyze these very disturbed individuals.

Lee says:First of all I need to remind our readers that this is a fictionalized relationship and brainchild of Chris Purnell. They exist only in his warped mind. What I loved about the first episode the most was the way that Chris (the character) is a perfect example of a co-dependent person. Sadly, Chris is not by himself in this category and many people may not see the extreme dysfunction in everything he said. So let’s break him down in hopes of shedding some light on some of the behaviors you do to keep you in a crappy relationship.

          Chris starts the episode by mentioning he is doing this video diary and he makes an interesting reference. He compares his diary to an ‘old timey diary for the modern age’. What’s the big deal here? What struck me about this is that people who aren’t bright do not make comparisons especially with a historical feel. Dim people, in general, have difficulty comparing and contrasting. This is a higher level order of thinking than regurgitation of information. I think this point will be important in future episodes.

          The next thing that struck me about Chris was the fact that he told people very little about himself except for the fact that he was ‘made unemployed’ and had worked for his father in a sofa factory. Any information that he offers about himself is said as if things were done to him (irresponsibility) and he had no affect on his own life. He refers to having done stuff while going to actual detail when he referred to Kate. From her appearance when they first met at the age of 9 (heavy makeup, heart tattoo given to her by some rough boys…) to the names of her films. Chris has little personality if not in reference to Kate. This is so significant when we discuss co-dependent behavior.

          Co-dependents tend to co-opt their partners life and personality as their own. Chris is almost a blank slate and Kate gives him a story, meaning and a much needed personality. Call it a psychic spine implant. Chris has no specific personality of his own except for the fact that he has no personality. He mentions her punching him in the face and falling in love (I guess). I realize they were 9 when they met but a punch in the face and split head are the traumas we remember. At the age of 9 to have your ass kicked by a girl must be pretty messed up for a boy.

          So what does this episode say about Kate? Simple, Kate was apparently a promiscuous girl from a young age. She obviously had little parental supervision and was allowed to wear make-up and have boys tattoo her at the age of 9. Can you imagine getting a tramp-stamp before you even got a period? I didn’t get mine until much later (I kid). Kate’s interaction with Chris at this age is probably very indicative of their relationship now. I can see her being abusive, demanding and aloof.

          Chris, if you break up, you can get over this. Unfortunately, you will swim alone for a short time before you find the next shark to stick to. Like a remora, you will subsist of your partners crumbs to piece together a life and ultimately die to the carelessness of your host. So sad. He seemed like a nice guy.  

          Paul says: Ok, I know that Chris is made up but I think we all know this guy. He is the one at the bar and we keep asking him, ‘Dude, why do you keep going back to her?’ and he just shakes his head and says ‘I don’t know’.

          BTW: Yes it is messed up to be beaten up by a girl, thank you very much.