Real Relationship Advice

Attitude is a judgment call. Attitude is everything. A positive attitude can make up for a lack of aptitude. Attitudes get more promotions than ability!

We like to see attitude as either a positive outlook on life or negative however, attitude is much more than that. By definition, attitude is a judgment but psychologists believe that people either base their attitudes on their judgment or their perception.  While this may seem like splitting hairs to the laymen, the reality is that lots of ink and paper has been spent on the difference between these two concepts. In fact, in the Myers Brigs Personality Test, there is a whole category which labels you either a J or a P.

The difference between the two is subtle but profound. Perception is completely dependent on how we see something whereas judgment is a decision based on our perception. Perception is fed by all the things we are aware of. Our senses feed our perception of the world. Perception is affected by our physical limitation for example, if you are blind, you will undoubtedly perceive the world differently. Whereas our judgment is making decisions with everything we perceive. Our judgments have the added filter of being affected by our experiences. Our judgments are always the result of every experience we have had since the beginning of our existence. If we were abused, we will judge that our perceptions of people may be less than favorable.

Our attitudes are dependent on these two factors. Knowing whether we are a P or a J is helpful because we can choose to alter these processes. For example, understanding the limitations of what we perceive or judge as not truth but opinion will allow us to expand our minds. When we allow our minds to be open to new concepts without pre-judging or perceiving the new information as wrong, we can grow.

The topic is a little heady but really the basis of making fundamental and profound changes to your psyche. When we perceive the world as a hostile, unpredictable place, we will feel stressed. If we judge the world to be filled with evil and chaos, we will feel stressed.

Try this:

1. Go out into the world and do what you do every day.

2. Find one thing to concentrate on- it can be anything- your car, your children, your meals.

3. When you are in front of them- turn your head slightly and really look at them. What new perspective are you seeing?

4. When you are in front of them- think about this object/person without comparing it to anything else. What new judgment do you have?

Life is a weird thing and sometimes to shake things up, we need to look at it a little differently. Try standing on your head or lying on your bed with your head hanging off the side. Whatever it takes to see and feel that things are different.

Namaste!

Real Relationship Advice

Attitudes are a funny thing. We talk about them all the time. We refer to people having good or bad attitude. We reprimand our children for bad attitudes and chide friends for having a good attitude in the face of crises. Understanding the good, bad and ugly of attitude will go a long way in dealing with how you see life.

Within the last few years there has been this push to have an ‘attitude of gratitude’. It is generally understood that to be thankful is tantamount to having a good attitude. However, it really is much deeper than that. An attitude of gratitude means that you are not only thankful for the things in your life but you are accepting of the things in your life. Sometimes in life we get what we want but not what we needed. Sometimes we get what we need but not what we wanted. And sometimes, life gives us something that we neither wanted and we would argue that we never needed it either. However, what we need is often hidden within our own psyche behind things like expectations, social acceptance and desires created from traumatic experiences. To be living in gratitude is to be thankful even for the things you did not want or need.

Being grateful for everything is wonderful but difficult. We are not taught throughout our life to be automatons that take everything at face value and believe that people have no ulterior motives for their actions. By the time we hit adulthood, most of us have developed a nice thick layer of cynicism over our rosy cheeked optimistic exterior. So before we adopt a permanent attitude of gratitude, we need to attempt an attitude of trust. Trust is difficult for most because we lose it early on in life. We lose trust before we lose hope. Trust is eroded every time someone promises you something and then does not follow through. Trust is lost when we perceive something bad has happened to us and we feel victimized by life.

Perhaps the biggest culprit in the loss of trust is when we lose trust in ourselves. We promise that we will do something. We create goals only to sabotage our journey and allow life to distract us. All of this boils down to being irresponsible. The responsibility to the loss of trust lies in our own lack of ownership for our accomplishments and failures.

Before we convert to a life of gratitude, we must explore where, how and why we lost our trust. Believing in the good of life is not just a simple case of being cynical or not. If we trust ourselves, we believe in our own capacity to create. If we trust ourselves we understand that we deserve the best in life.

So ask yourself:

Who did not keep their promise with you?

Where and when did you lose trust?

Namaste!

Real Relationship Advice

Several things contribute to our mental state. How we feel physically has a lot to do with how we feel emotionally and vice versa. How we react to the ups and downs of life are dependent on many factors as well. Many people believe that anxiety and the ability to relax is dependent on status. In other words, a wealthy individual will experience less stress than someone who does not have money. We believe that the ‘haves’ have it all. In reality, this is not true. Anxiety affects individuals regardless of their bottom line. If there is one silver bullet for those who suffer from anxiety problems, it would be attitude.

Attitude, as defined by psychologists, is the favorable or unfavorable judgment of something.  We evaluate things as good or bad constantly. We are taught not to judge. However the mind, the great cataloguer, does this automatically. It is part of the practice of mindfulness to not judge people. But, in the area of attitude towards not only people but our complete environment, our opinion is the crux of how we deal with the situation. For example: If you judge life to be unfair then you will react negatively to crises. If you are hopeful about life then you will see crises as an opportunity. This is not an exercise in positivity but a commitment to an attitude that accepts what is and challenges what is in flux.

As we begin a new month, become aware of how you see life. Many people who think they are positive mistake who they want to be with who they are. If life gives you lemons, what do you do? Making lemonade is a Pollyanna look at reality which may not be grounded. However, maintaining a positive attitude towards life, with a strong hope for the future, is something that grounds you to an encouraging outcome regardless of what it is.

When we become anxious because life ‘lifes’ at us, we are trying to change our reality. Sure, ‘raging against the dying of the light’ is heroic and can be inspirational to yourself and others but that does not necessarily mean that you do not accept your situation. On the contrary, you see where you are and decide that you can still make a difference!

So, as we begin the month of April, do you believe that people are good (generally)?

Do you believe that there is a plan or a purpose to everything?

Do you feel that the other shoe will drop when you are the most happy?

Please respond in the comments.

Namaste!