Addiction » CoupleDumb

Soberlink

Sep 282011

THE Relationship Blog

Mom and Dad’s worry about a lot of things. Mom’s worry about whether you are warm enough or are eating the right foods. Dad’s worry about whether the windows are locked and if the tires have the right air pressure. Ultimately, the worrying is all the same; is my kid safe? This starts the moment that a child is born. When our daughter was young we actually had a deranged woman mention she would take her from us. This threat had me sitting on our balcony night after night holding a bat. Years later, our boys are still not allowed to go to a public bathroom alone.

Our daughter is a college freshman. The first week of school she mentioned some dorm mates coming back home drunk. Our daughter was not involved. However, we know that won’t last forever. We have spent the last 18 years discussing alcohol and drug abuse. We have discussed the realities of addiction and the real possibility of legal issues if she were to engage in substance use. We have even shared our own experiences. But, at the end of the day, it is up to your child to decide. At the end of the day, at a party down the street or in another state, he or she will decide for themselves what they will do. To use or not to use, that is only their decision.

As an addiction specialist, I tested many clients for drugs and alcohol. The idea of testing at home is another tool a parent can use. Testing may not deter but it can save a child. The test which is connected to a mobile device can make the difference between a child arriving safely at home and a tragedy that a family will never overcome. AT the end of the day, it’s about keeping them safe. We can’t soften every blow or avoid every mistake but we can at least keep them safe.

This was a sponsored post but all opinions are so very much ours.

CigRX

A word from our sponsors

May 012011

THE Relationship Blog

We write about addiction often. On this subject we have considerable expertise. One thing that everyone needs to know when dealing with addiction, whether alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, is that the addict will not quit until they want to quit. There are some things that help curtail use though.

When we talk about cigarettes, as an example, there are times when smoking is just not accepted. When you are taking care of children, lighting up a cigarette is just not right, even if that is when you most need it. If you are overseeing a dozen screaming toddlers, having a nicotine craving at that time could lead to some very unfortunate consequences.

CigRX might be the saving grace in these situations. CigRX is a little lozenge that is flavored with mint and has anatabine and yerba mate. Anatabine is an alkaloid in the same category as nicotine but, where nicotine lasts a couple of hours in your system, anatabine lasts up to eight hours. This way the cravings are held at bay for a good eight hours. By then, the kiddies will be home with their mommy and daddy.

As for yerba mate, this is a tea-like infusion that Peruvians drink. It has an acquired taste and is acclaimed to cure every ill in the universe.

The Addict And You

Relationship Rejects

Oct 072010

So can you spot the crazy already? We have gone over some of the more difficult ones but today, we are going to spot the obvious pink elephant in the room. We can say it is a disease. We can say it is a lack of self-control. We can say that it disrupts individual lives, relationships, families, communities and nations. The reality is addiction is this and so much more. The important thing is to learn how to spot that crazy and make sure you are clear of the fall out.

Lee says: This post is assuming that you aren’t the crazy here. This post is assuming a lot. As an addiction professional that has seen all types of addiction at all stages of the disease, I can safely say I am pretty good at spotting the elephant in the room. So I will share with you my tricks of the trade. I will share with you my limited wisdom concerning this affliction. Just to be clear, the afflicted are the people who surround the addicted and not the identified patient.

We will start easy. Ask yourself: ‘Does this person get in trouble with the law, work, family…(any authority in their life)’? If you answered yes, then you are looking at a person with a problem. Many people interpret ‘problems with the law’ as a DUI or an arrest of some kind. The reality is that if someone receives a DUI, they have a problem. Which brings us to a very important point when discussing addiction; levels of use.

Use: The term ‘Use’ refers to anyone who uses a substance in moderation, responsibly and without deleterious effects of themselves or others. This would be the person having a glass of wine at dinner or a mixed drink at a happy hour. Most people fall into these categories. However, in the case of drugs, recreational use is very subjective and would require a professional interpretation.

Abuse: The term ‘Abuse’ refers to anyone failing to fulfilling their responsibilities, recklessness like driving while intoxicated, legal issues and continuing the use of the substance despite all these problems.

Dependency: We diagnose dependency when the person’s usage begins to be obsessive and compulsive. In other words, the person craves the substance and spends the time when not using the substance trying to obtain the substance. People who are dependent also suffer from withdrawals and show a complete lack of control when using.

By the end of this, you will be a professional! O.K., so we have someone getting in trouble with the law. Does that make them a friend of Lohan? Not necessarily. A person can easily be labeled as abusing a substance after a really good party where they got drunk, puked and had to call in sick to work. Now, if you do that every week or day, then you have a reason to seek help. However, in the case where you are the designated driver to these people and they do this often, then we need to have a little discussion about being a doormat.

A very big red flag that needs to be raised when you are in relationship with someone who may have an addiction is if they ask you to keep secrets for them. For example, if you are asked to keep in confidence a brush with the law, issues with money or other shames, then you have moved into the position of caretaker of someone with a burgeoning problem. Hiding their stash. Lying for them. Covering for them. All of those activities are the designated job of the enabler and you are now a co-dependent.

Look, this isn’t easy. I don’t want to make this sound like you will read this and voila, you are no longer co-dependent. We do a lot of fucked up things when we think we are in love. However, and I know some of you will wince at this, but we need to remember that we must always love ourselves just a little bit more. This isn’t being selfish, its self-preservation.

Paul says: I love myself as often as possible. What are we talking about?