acknowledgement » CoupleDumb

Deep Thoughts by CoupleDumb

Jan 222010

Caught on film : God robs a man at gunpoint.

          Hola Friday! We’ve missed you. We had to put up with Monday and Tuesday and you were nowhere in sight. We aren’t going to get all victim but we felt a little abandoned by you right around Wednesday. However, when Thursday arrived, we could acknowledge that these feelings of ‘being left behind’ came from our issues of unworthiness of the wonders of Friday. With these realizations and awarenesses, we are prepared for the days to come with hope and resolute that Friday will return. Wow, maybe it would have been easier to say Thank God it’s Finally Friday!

          Lee says: You know I love politics. I used to take sides and argue and position myself. Today, since I am an evolved human being and am at the cusp of self-actualization, I watch the action from the sidelines and compare dysfunctions and neuroses of the politicos. I have no party affiliation and refuse to be categorized.

          One of my favorite things that politicians do is ignore countries. For example, many countries do not recognize Israel as a country. It is not unlike covering your ears and eyes and saying ‘La La La I don’t see you!’ It is extremely immature and shows the acumen the politicians who decide to do such idiotic things. Recognizing a country is not unlike acknowledging a relationship. Recognizing and acknowledging makes it real.

          We have mentioned that a step to creating healthy relationships is acknowledging them. As Paul mentioned, acknowledging is making it real, recognizing the existence and, in some dictionaries, it also mentions recognizing the rights, status and authority of something. Can you see how powerful that is? Saying that someone is your partner or boyfriend/girlfriend is a statement that acknowledges and provides status and authority to someone. You are no longer vacillating in the land of wishy washyness when you say ‘I have feelings and a quasi commitment to this individual. Please note that my acknowledgement comes with all the rights and duties as I set forth.’ It is a declaration.

          So if we do this with everybody in our life (i.e. This is my Mother, This is my Brother, This is my Husband, Child, Dog and Car), what do we acknowledge into existence for ourselves? How often do you tell people that you are an awesome human being? I know, we have slipped into hippy touchy feely crap and I readily acknowledge that but we must recognize ourselves as well. We are always prepared to label ourselves by our careers or commitments such as ‘I am a psychotherapist, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.’ I acknowledge all these duties and commitments. However, what am I to me?

          By virtue of your very existence, you are beholden to yourself. Whoa, say that again. Because you are here, alive, sentient, and aware, you are obliged to deal with yourself. So, what do you acknowledge (make real) about yourself? Let me help here.

          We wrote a whole book about Dysaffirmations (dysfunctional affirmations): these are, in a negative way, acknowledgements we make for ourselves. They are unhealthy and counterproductive to living a fulfilled and happy life. Plus, these are beliefs that we want to make real for ourselves like ‘I am useless’. I propose you list out all the acknowledgements for yourself. Acknowledge your beauty, your power, your amazingness, your lovingness. You are a gift to the world and you need to acknowledge that. We can start small and you just need to acknowledge that to yourself. We’ll buy the billboards later.

          Paul says: Apparently, Lee was eating her Wheaties laced ‘shrooms when she wrote this one. Wow. ‘By virtue of your very existence, you are beholden to yourself.’ That is some black hole deep shit right there. And it is totally correct. If I cannot sing my own praise, then who can? When God created everything, He said that it was good. Who am I to disagree?

          I say to hell with the billboard. Mountains were created to climb upon and call out our wonderfulness. Acknowledge beauty. Acknowledge peace. Acknowledge strength. Acknowledge grace. Acknowledge that gift that you see in the mirror.

          (Lee and I broke a sweat writing this one.)

Acknowledge Nothing!

Relationship Rejects

Jan 212010

Everyone knows that you hang an oompa loompa or else they wrinkle.

          We want you to stop right now and acknowledge all of the wonderful things that you have in your life. Go ahead. We’ll wait. Good. You just brought about an abundance of happiness. This is acknowledgement Thursday at CoupleDumb and that is what we are all about. Lots and lots of happy. Next week we’ll teach you how to make your own antidepressants out of common household items.

          Paul says: This week we are discussing acknowledgement and, as I began writing, I realized that I did not truly know what the word meant. Yes I would use it like the guy in the Princess Bride, the one that would spout out ‘inconceivable’ even though the events proved that it was really quite conceivable. So, being the kind of guy that read the dictionary as a youth, I looked up the word and was surprised to find that, within our transcendental meditation /tree hugger/ I don’t need drugs ‘cuz I’m like this naturally/ we create our own reality / hippie philosophy, the definition of the word in itself is really profound.

          From Dictionary.com, the most common definition of acknowledge is to admit to be real or true; recognize the existence, truth, or fact of.

          So if we are talking about acknowledging something in our relationship then we are actually saying that we are admitting that it is real or recognizing the fact of its existence. Now that we all know the definition, the big question becomes: What are you acknowledging in your relationships? Do you heap acknowledgement for the wonderful things like anniversaries, birthday, really good sex, or the fact that your whites are whiter than white? Do you only focus on the little bads? Are the only things that get ‘celebrated’ poorly washed dishes, stinky t’ain’ts and the extra 1000 miles between oil changes?

          Don’t talk bad about your partner. We have said it before but now you know why. We see so many couples that talk smack about their significant other. Not little shit talk either but the kind of stuff that would make the late Captain Lou Albano, in all of his resplendent rubberband glory, proud.

          Lee and I are pretty balanced in our acknowledgements. We do not dwell on the bad and we have been known to completely ignore the good. Or in other words, until recently, we didn’t acknowledge shit. Like most marriages, we learned to see the things that weren’t working first and, with a little healthy attitude, brought them into existence so that we could deal with them. Now we are trying to bring about the good things in life. How can you get rid of the bad or make more of the good if you never acknowledge that those things existed in the first place.

          One little addition to all of this philosophy : you can’t acknowledge something for someone else. Acknowledgement is a personal truth that you may share but you can never bestow. If you are acknowledging (through celebration) the anniversary of your love and the object of this love is not acknowledging it, then you are a stalker. You can only acknowledge that your boyfriend is a lazy fat fuck in that you see that you are responsible for choosing him. He might be acknowledging himself as a pleasantly plump thinker.

          Lee says: I acknowledge that my wonderful husband is a sexy man who knows how to curl my toes. I acknowledge that my children are brilliant and an example of our superior genetics. I acknowledge I have everything I need in my life to have the best life ever. Don’t believe me? Just watch.

The Award Dilemma

Kids and why you can't kill them

Jan 192010

That cake isn't appropriate. They should wait until she is 16.

          Today is CoupleDumb’s 1^st Birthday! One year ago today, we decided the world was ready to stop playing games and start being happy. One year ago today, we decided that the world was ready to engage in honest dialogue and rebuke unhealthy behaviors. One year ago today, we committed to writing this blog until every human on earth was as happy as we are. So we celebrate this day and acknowledge the incredible things we have accomplished in just a mere 365 days (minus holidays and the occasional case of the fuck-its).

          Lee says: We have mentioned before that Paul and I have a little issue with success. We tend to question the good things that come into our lives and wait for the ax to swing back and smack us on the ass. We have committed to ourselves to be healthy about our success now and one of these pledges is to acknowledge the good stuff.

          In the past year, CoupleDumb has written over 370 posts, done 10 MomTV shows, 50+ radio shows, published one book (Dysaffirmations: Because this kind of stupid takes work) and have been featured in the Miami Herald and subsequently syndicated throughout the U.S.. Lee was a finalist in the Mother of all Bloggers contest on MomLogic.com and we are ranked in the top 10% of websites in the United States (Alexa). Since we only recently handled our success issues (and I say this tongue in cheek like an alcoholic with one day sobriety says he kicked the booze), we are unable to celebrate these accomplishments the way they deserve to be. Instead, I will announce that on January 19^th 2011, we will have a coast to coast party that will rock!

          We aren’t alone in this lack of celebration. We have become a nation of minimizers. This could be due to the pendulum swing where we would celebrate mediocrity in all forms. Here, take a ribbon for participating. Back in the day you would kill for those things and now any asshole gets a prize for showing up. Thus we became analytical about success. Did I earn it? Did I actually accomplish something that others didn’t? If you find that others can do it also, the victory becomes shallow. Success then has become a solo activity that needs to be so spectacular and mind blowing that the simple win is nothing without the fireworks and fanfare. Perhaps this could also explain the advent of extreme sports. Try giving those freaks a participation ribbon.

          Then you have the jerks who celebrate anything. I actually had a woman try to compare my marriage of 21 years to her being married 3 times to what amounted to be 22 years. Her belief was that she ‘won’ because she had been married longer. I guess you can reframe anything into a win. Hey look, I went to bed before midnight! Woohoo! Hey look, I’ve gone a day without texting my ex-boyfriend! Woohoo! Hey look, my baby has eaten a whole lego and passed it without a problem! Woohoo!

          I guess what I’m trying to say is that celebration begins with acknowledging your accomplishment. However, that success needs to be meaningful. The meaning comes from your own criteria and the semantics surrounding the feat. I feel that we need to pull back in trying to make every kid feel like a winner and separate true success from supporting someone who tries. The two can not be rationalized with a simple change of color. Besides, it’s not like anyone has given us a ribbon for writing our blog. However, we are always open to receive participation awards and pity prizes.

           Paul says: Lee speaks like an addict actively working her program. I point out to her and to all who are reading (and, most importantly, to me – not that I ever listen) that acknowledgement is subjective. I agree that the ribbons given need to have meaning but it is the recipient of the award that truly assigns the meaning.

          That being said, I now award myself the coolest writer in the universe award in the overall literary category of sexy guyhood. I’d like to thank the academy…