Call Your Mami

A word from our sponsors
May 092012

Real Relationship Advice

MH900430820 300x300 Call Your Mami

I love my Mami. Last Summer, we moved 3000 miles away from her. My Mother would say that I was her ‘brazo derecho’ but it is a lot of pressure to be your Mom’s right arm. It was not easy to leave her and even harder since at the same time she was losing her Mom as well. However, we all need to make our way in the world and leaving your parents, for the third time, is sometimes necessary as well.

Once of the promises that I made when I left is that we would speak every day. Perhaps it is a little different for Latin families. Perhaps the distance between us reminded my Mother of her distance from her mother when she left Cuba. Regardless of the reason, my Mother insisted on the daily call. We are lucky that we can call each other easily however, some of my family members are not so lucky. Sometimes a call home is hit or miss and extremely expensive.

This is why the advent of calling cards was such a godsend to individuals with loved ones in another country. My family has used calling cards to contact our relatives in Cuba for years. Some cards come with expiration dates and limited calling availability. Some cards are a cruel way of ripping off people who just want to call home. I have had an  aunt ripped off more than once with these types of cards.

If you are unable to use email to communicate with loved ones out of the country, we would suggest reading this consumer report on prepaid calling cards.

Hopefully, this weekend when you call your Mami, you can have a nice long conversation without interruptions (except for the occasional guilt trip).

We are honored to work with #LATISM who is funding this campaign to help Latinos shop wisely for prepaid cards.

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Posted by Lee and Paul at 7:33 AM Tagged with:

The Female Orgasm

Relationship Rejects
May 082012

Real Relationship Advice

female orgasm o face 300x300 The Female Orgasm

The Unicorn. The Yeti. The Female Orgasm. Three of the most elusive things that have been thought myth but some people swear by them. The Female Orgasm is considered useless because it serves no purpose in the sexual act. While a man’s orgasm is the delivery system for one of the ingredients in creating life, the female orgasm does not help or hinder baby making. In fact, Female Sexual Dysfunction is so common that many scientists believe that it isn’t a dysfunction at all! Perhaps we aren’t meant to enjoy sex like men. Perhaps we are just there as a receptacle and hopeful carrier of the male seed to produce more males who will continue this cycle. And perhaps the scientists are thinking about the orgasm completely wrong.

Science has been good enough to note that relaxation is the number 1 contributing factor to being able to achieve an orgasm. However, the concept of being relaxed is a lot more complicated than a deep breath and recitation of a mantra. Relaxation has several components that must be present or you just can’t achieve it. As we have mentioned in our relaxation series on Thursdays, the most important part of being relaxed is trusting. In the milieu of bed gymnastics, this is imperative. If you do not trust your partner then you will not achieve an orgasm. If you do not trust yourself, you will not achieve an orgasm.

Furthermore, women are socialized about sex differently. In the old days, the scientific community believed that schizophrenia was caused by the maternal double bind. A double bind is where you receive two or more conflicting messages where they ultimately negate each other. If the old theory of schizophrenia were true, all women would be sexual schizophrenics. We are told that our virginity is golden and then are told by our peers that virginity is tantamount to a curse. We are told that good girls don’t but those who don’t are cockteasers. We are told by our lovers that sex will strengthen the relationship and then after find out that we are no longer respected because we ‘gave it up’. We are constantly fed these two messages as we grow up and then when we reach womanhood we hear that we should be having sex with our partners, we are responsible for our orgasms and we should enjoy ourselves. However, with 20 years of misinformation mixed with trauma and a smidge of confusion, how are we supposed to be the vixens we are expected to be?

Science has also not explored the detrimental effect of shame on sexual health. A person who carries shame cannot allow such intense pleasure as an orgasm. If you carry any kind of shame surrounding your sex life, gender, body image, past experiences or even your own ineptitude, you will not be able to trust enough to relax enough to be able to achieve climax. Shame will work against you by reminding you, distracting you and eventually killing your ardor.

Female Sexual Dysfunction affects over 43% of all women. The psychological and physiological factors of Female Sexual Dysfunction are treatable but the first step would be to identify that you have a problem and that you deserve better. Ultimately, lack of worthiness is probably the biggest culprit in the quest for the Big O. When we try so hard for so long, sometimes we give up especially when the one who will benefit the most is ourselves. This is not intended to be ‘punny’ but achieving an orgasm really necessitates a large dose of self love. Without this, why would we go through the bother?

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Posted by Lee and Paul at 8:04 AM Tagged with:

The New Sex Education

Monday, Heavy Monday
May 072012

Real Relationship Advice

sex ed 2 300x300 The New Sex Education

          Sex Education is many things but thorough is not one of them. Sex Education is taught primarily in most public schools in grades 4/5, 7/8 and high school. The curriculum varies throughout the US but focuses on certain topics involving sexuality specifically gender roles, relationships, avoiding pregnancy and STDs. The only mention of orgasm is when discussing ejaculation and the possible pregnancy that may ensue. Sex Education never covers the topic of pleasure because that is considered either to personal or just awkward to discuss why people do it in the first place. So why do we find it weird that people do not understand the ‘what and why’ of an orgasm?

Sex is a noun and a verb. The act of sex is one of the most confusing, controversial, talked about and misunderstood verbs in the world. People develop these understandings about it based on books that mention it in passing and live their lives believing in some sense that they comprehend it. People base their understanding on their experiences, negative or positive, and then label all sex accordingly. People misuse, abuse and rationalize the who, what, and why of sex every moment of every day. And yet, we don’t bother to teach our kids the reality of sex.

If CoupleDumb were in charge of the world and we had the opportunity to revamp Sex Education, these are some concepts we would teach the kids (now, we always encourage parents to jump in and teach your children about these things. If you are too chicken shit to do this, find an aunt, uncle or friend who will.)

1. Sex is fun: Kids learn through understanding innuendo and just their own masturbatory experiences that sex can be fun.  The problem is that this is some bad kept secret in society because we never tell our kids just that. Perhaps we are afraid that if we tell them it’s fun they will treat it like that new Wii game they got for Christmas that they played constantly for 7 days until you took it away like it was crack. Explaining that sex is a source of pleasure for mature adults who take precautions not only to prevent pregnancy but also to transmit diseases is a lot different than sex is a hedonistic free for all. Explaining that two consenting adults who care for one another engaging in sex responsibly may not sound sexy but realistically, we know that that is when the truly good sex happens.

2. Sex can be beautiful/Sex can be dangerous: Mom’s, you need to explain to your daughters that their orgasm is important. Women grow up with the understanding that our orgasms are optional. As long as our man orgasms and we feel that we shared some intimacy, sex is awesome. We need to tell our daughter’s differently (catch CoupleDumb tomorrow for more on this topic). We need to explain to our kids that sex is not a weapon, a toy or something to impose on or deny to someone.

3. When you have a problem with sex, speak with someone: The shame we carry when discussing our personal sexual experience is overwhelming. Sure, sex as an abstract topic is scintillating and can make for fun conversations. We tend to draw the line when our own sexcapades are broached. If all we want as parents is for our children to be happy then we need to understand what our kids understand about sex so that someday they can lead fulfilling lives as adults. If our children carry shame, confusion or just plain do not get the mechanics of sex, it is our responsibility to explain it to them.

There are so many things we can teach our children that schools just do not have the time, money or relationship to teach them. It is our jobs as parents to put away our childishness and explain sex ed like a practical course and not philosophy. If our children’s happiness is one of our main priorities than teaching them the birds and bees better involve a discussion on orgasms and love.

sharebookmarx The New Sex Education

Posted by Lee and Paul at 12:00 AM Tagged with:
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