CoupleDumb » How we screw up love, relationship, marriage, sex, family

10 Ways To Get A Man

Jan 302012

THE Relationship Blog

What’s the secret? What are the fabled instructions on some stone tablets found in some cave in the Middle East that have been lost to time? What does a woman have to do, or be, to get the man of her dreams?

CoupleDumb has un-earthed some tablets with ancient writing on them. Luckily, we are fluent in many dead languages. These nuggets of advice have been hidden by tons of sand and a general lack of common sense. So, for the first time in modern history, THE 10 WAYS TO GET A MAN! (#1-3)

1. Make sure what you have to offer is worth a man…

Women are socialized differently. Through our parents, education and media, we get the message that we will be happy when we get a ring on our finger. Many women have rebuffed this notion. In fact, whereas in the 80s, the number one priority of a single woman was to get married, today’s woman wants a good career! 88% of young single women are not interested in marriage, see it in the future but do not feel that it is necessary. These are great breakthroughs but the result of this shift is an entire gender with poor socialization as to how to handle relationships. As women, we think our alternative to being altar focused would be to be whores.

Self-worth is a powerful aphrodisiac. A woman who is sure of herself, what she wants and where she wants to go is probably the sexiest thing for a man. If you believe in yourself, maintain your integrity and live your life without regret, you have more than enough to offer a man.

2. Junk in the trunk is one thing but do not haul a trailer…

If there is anything that turns off a man it is a woman with a past. We aren’t talking about being promiscuous. We are talking about women who allow their past to dictate their present. A man broke your heart once and now all men are pigs. You broke up with a guy and have had an on-again off-again affair. This speaks directly to grieving and having closure with people. Move on. New relationships do not need the playback on the bad relationships.

3. Do you know how to shoot straight?

If there is one thing a guy cannot handle it is a girl who plays games. Men are simple in nature and say what they mean and mean what they say. (Unless the guy is a complete pussy and if so, steer clear of him). Women, take a lesson from a man and say exactly what you want, what you need and what you think. Don’t couch it in innuendo, meta-messages and passive aggressiveness. Just say it! He can’t read your mind so don’t expect him to.

Tomorrow we will unearth more of these pearls. Until then, aloha!

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The Sigh Breath

Relaxation!!!

Jan 262012

THE Relationship Blog

We have been discussing breathing this month. The breath is such a simple thing and yet everything we do depends on it. We can do nothing without it. As we mentioned a couple of weeks ago, most people don’t take a deep breath all day! No wonder we get tired!

Today’s breathing lesson is simple as well and can be done anywhere. It is recommended to do it at least twice a day if you are feeling particularly stressed.

The Sigh Breath

1. Get comfortable. (This technique does not require the closing of the eyes but you will feel more relief if you do the technique while your eyes are closed and include the self talk).

2. Once again take in a deep breath through your nose, for a count of 10.

3. Hold it for a count of three. (1,2,3)

4. Exhale slowly through your nose for a count of 10.

5. Do this three times.

6. On the fourth exhalation, slightly open your mouth and allow the breath to be expelled and allow the sound of a sigh (Ah….). Exhale slowly for a count of 15.

7. While exhaling, allow your shoulders, jaw, neck, face and chest to relax.

8. Do this 3 times.

While sighing, tell your brain to ‘STOP’! The chatter you keep going in there is tiresome and just adds to the anxiety. While you do your sigh breath, concentrate on the Ah…. The slow exhalation allows the carbon dioxide to build in your lungs and that will relax you.

Next month, we will start self talk and guided imagery.

Namaste!

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Why to F^^k

Relationship Rehab

Jan 252012

THE Relationship Blog

Why…..Is the hardest thing you ever have to answer. ‘Why’ is the root cause, the impetus, the answer to the riddle… ‘Why’ we do anything has been the question since the beginning of recorded time. In fact, there is a whole school of thought in psychology that says, ‘forget why, just focus on the what’ because we don’t have the time to wait for that answer. Well, CoupleDumb is not from that school. We are what you would call, ‘Old School’. We are all about the ‘why’. We are all about getting to the motivation, traumas and decisions. Only when we answer ‘why’ can we move on to ‘what’s next’.

Why to fuck?

We have the ‘who’ and the ‘when’, but the ‘why’ is a little more complicated. Why do we have sex at all?

For some of us it is an easy question. For others…well, that’s where it gets complicated. We often say that sex is a physical release that you share with another person. Intimacy is not necessarily the purpose for sex. If we limited our intimacy to sex then feeling close to your partner comes at a cost. We believe that intimacy is something you share with a touch, a snuggle, a long kiss before going to sleep. Intimacy is not an orgasm. Intimacy is the emotional connection, a sharing of a moment of the heart. Fucking is not the place for that. Sure, you can feel intimate with your partner but if you are fucking someone for the first time, you are kidding yourself if you believe that intimacy has anything to do with it.

Of course to understand any of this, we must look within. We must be aware of our sexual beliefs and hang-ups before we start knocking boots. The lack of self understanding has killed more than a million relationships in their infancy. You can be having a wonderful time in bed and all of a sudden something he or she does triggers a memory or emotion and the fun-times are drowned in a sea of insecurity.

For some people, the why of sex is ‘because the partner wants it’. That is probably one of the saddest reasons to have sex. Where are you in all of this? Sex is a dance, a tango of the naughty bits. If you are just doing things to appease your partners desires than when do you fulfill your desires? This harkens back to a common CoupleDumb theme of rescuing. Rescuers always end up resenting their victims. It works out like this, ‘Ah, you poor thing. You want to have sex? O.K.’. Which evolves into, ‘Oh you want to have sex? What about my needs?!’ This is one of the slippier slopes of relationships. Sex is not something you grant people or give into. It’s not like having pizza when you wanted a salad.

Why to fuck is simply based on carnal curiosity and, for those who have been doing it for a while, carnal sating. Nothing more and nothing less. It is not the foundation of a relationship. It does not make the relationship better or worse. It does not bring you closer! Sex is a physical act. Sex is fun. Due to our family of origin, hang-ups, messed up dates in our misspent youth and such, sex becomes complicated. Uncomplicate it by remembering that sex in itself, with someone with whom you feel safe and trust, is just a physical release.

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