WTF of the Week - CoupleDumb

Real Relationship Advice

I have tried to stay Zen and maintain my chakras open and love every creature on this earth but sometimes people do some stupid shit that just makes me say, ‘What the fuck?!’

Lately, almost as if they are trying to incite a riot, politicians are doing some seriously stupid things that just get my dander up, panties in a twist and generally piss me off. The biggest culprits of these stupid bombs have to be white, middle aged men who have decided that they know what is best for women. One of my favorite moves was Congressman Issa’s congressional hearing to oppose President Obama’s birth control coverage plan. He got together 10 witnesses and not one of them owned a vagina themselves. Sure, they may grab their mate’s vagina and say Neanderthalic things like ‘this pussy is mine’ but that does not mean they understand the experience of having one. I would ask Congressman Issa this: ‘Do you really think a man knows more about a woman’s need for birth control?’ If I’m not mistaken, men insisted for years that PMS was a myth and it wasn’t until women entered the Gynecological field that they began to address PMS as a real condition that could be very serious.

You know what Congressman Issa, don’t answer that. You know it will get you into trouble and I already think you’re an asshole anyways. But, you are small potatoes. You should take classes from the State Senators around this great nation introducing bills to make it the law that all women seeking an abortion get a transvaginal ultrasound. Yeah, those guys are really special, if special means sadistic, Hannibal Lecters sitting in a small room with no windows, coming up with innovative ways to make women chattel before the Mayan Apocalypse. Men like Idaho State Sen. Chuck Winder (R-Boise) and Alabama State Sen. Clay Scofield have introduced bills requiring that women get probed like some bad sci-fi movie with aliens. My favorite has to be Illinois House Agriculture Committee. They created the ‘Ultrasound Opportunity Act’ which requires a doctor to show the woman the ultrasound (yes, she can refuse it but cheeses on a cracker, why not just beat her with a stick!).

Just so we are clear, a transvaginal ultrasound is performed with a ‘wand’ that looks a whole lot like a G-spot vibrator and it is wielded around in your lady business by a disaffected middle aged woman who took ultra sound courses in night school while working as a waitress and it is sheathed in a condom and wiggled around until they can find something the size of a pea inside your womb. The best views occur when they press it against your vaginal walls. Yeah, doesn’t that sound fun?

Here’s the thing, I want all of you Pro-life people to gather round and take a fucking seat. There is a fundamental problem with the debate here and CoupleDumb is here to clear it up. First, people who are Pro-choice are not pro-abortion. In general, Pro-choice people are not handing out wire hanger favors and punch-cards that give you a free snow cone with your 5^th abortion. The reason most of us are Pro-choice is because, ultimately, what you do with your body is your choice. We respect that and hope you respect our right to choose for ourselves. Shitting on my right to choose is downright Un-American! We choose to trust the woman in making her own choice based on her circumstances and not on some rich, middle aged white man’s judgment who’s rudimentary understanding of how these things work is based on some inflammatory sermon they heard in church and not on the Constitution of the United States!

We do want to give a shout out to Pennsylvania State Senator Larry Farnese who is introducing legislation that requires men to get prostate exams, sex therapy and cardiac stress test before being prescribed erectile dysfunction drugs. Brilliant sir, we salute you!

Listen, I say live and let live. I say, deep breaths and move on. I want to stay on that mountain top contemplating the sound of the beating of a butterfly’s wings. And trust us, I won’t do another ‘what the fuck’ if they promise to stay out of my cooter.

sharebookmarx Womens Rights or Leave My Vagina Alone

h solidpurple Womens Rights or Leave My Vagina Alone

Real Relationship Advice

The National Organization of Marriage is calling for a boycott of Starbucks. They are reacting to the following memorandum according to their boycott website: ‘On January 12th, 2012, Starbucks issued a memorandum declaring that same-sex marriage ‘is core to who we are and what we value as a company.’ The funny part is that that isn’t really the full quote from the memo. Are you surprised? What Starbucks actually said in the memo was, ‘This important legislation is aligned with Starbucks business practices and upholds our belief in the equal treatment of partners. It is core to who we are and what we value as a company.’ The legislation they refer to is the Washington State legislation to recognize marriage equality for same sex-couples. So where is the WTF about this? I know fish got to swim and bigots need to get pissed at big corporations that give credence to the need for equality.

The WTF comes from this: nothing is more important to the silent majority than our coffee. We would sell our children for a good cup of coffee. We would walk on glass for our java. We would provide sexual favors to a master barista for a good cup of Joe. NOM’s call for a boycott on one of our major suppliers is tantamount to declaring war on all of us. Are we going to let these narrow-minded, uptight, kyriocentric assholes take our coffee away? Are we going to keep our mouth shut while these hypocritical, prejudiced, ignorant, homophobes picket, disparage our pushers? I say HELL NO! Mama needs her Venti, Non-Fat, Latte with one raw sugar and I will be damned if these love and coffee hating people will take it away from me.

You see the problem is that we have been too quiet. We see these assholes campaigning for Santorum and deriding our beloved Starbucks and we laugh. We think, ‘Nothing will come of this’, but the reality is that all of this affects the world. We figure these whackos have no traction. We figure who the fuck is going to be OK with shutting down Starbucks; they don’t need my voice among the millions of others. But, the truth is, we do.

Starbucks stood up for equality and these assholes are pissed about it. They talk about people imposing legislation for same sex marriage. Impose is a weird word. You see as a normal human being who believes in equality in every aspect of life, I don’t believe marriage equality would be imposed on me. They won’t come into my house and remove my husband and trade him in for a swarthy, Latin lady who will call me Mami and Paul won’t be paired with a twink named Blake with a tongue and eyebrow piercing. Allowing same sex marriage won’t affect my marriage in the least. No one will be imposing anything on me. It kind of makes me think that these closeted freaks may not be fantasizing about being ‘imposed’ while bent over.

The reality is if these fuckers manage to get any traction on their Starbucks boycott, they will be imposing on my ability to procure my espresso. If these guys rally the vocal minority we could be seeing some difficulty in getting your Mocha Frappuccino in the afternoon. Now that would be an imposition.

The words they use show such an incredible lack of understanding and delusional position when it comes to the fundamental aspects of marriage. I feel that when a couple marries to divorce a few months later, that affects the sanctity of marriage. When a normal course of antibiotics is longer than your average marriage, that affects the sanctity of marriage. When people talk about marriage being between a man and a woman and anything else is an abomination, that affects the sanctity of marriage. Marriage is a contract based on a commitment that comes from love. Entering into it because Mommy said so or for financial gain or to increase the power of a business/government affects the sanctity of a marriage. All of these are good things to rile against. A marriage based on love, mutual respect and a commitment to the needs, dreams and desires of your partner should be celebrated regardless of the composition of gender of the partners.

I stand with Starbucks. I will buy my coffee from them. I will procure my marble loaf and ask for an extra shot for good measure. I applaud their position on respecting partners. I would be totally OK if NOM boycotted liver. For that I will shut my mouth and look on from the sidelines.

sharebookmarx We Will Not Boycott Starbucks

h solidpurple We Will Not Boycott Starbucks

I am in love. I have loved the same person for more than 20 years. I fell in love after only a few short weeks of courting. In the last 20 years, my love has grown and we have shared that by starting a family. We have a home, a good support system and participate in our community. Now here is the question: Does it matter at this point whether the person I love is a man or a woman?

We decided to take a second and write something concerning the terrible rash of suicides committed by gay teens after being bullied. We have several very close friends who are gay and the idea of someone pushing them around because they are who they are just boils our blood. Unfortunately, this is normal for the GLBT community. One our friends just posted a status saying that every gay person has a ‘horror story’. Does that make anybody else angry? How many people have to get hurt or die for people to notice? Should it even matter that they are GLBT? We don’t think so.

These are hate crimes. Picking on a person because they are different is a hate crime. When Nazi’s burn down a synagogue, we easily identify this as a hate crime. When a group of rednecks beat up a black man and drag him behind a car, we easily identify this as a hate crime. When you single out a person, group or religion because they are different from you and subject them to abuse, that is a hate crime.

One of the reasons we are having any issue with charging children for bullying other children because they are gay is because too many adults have done this in their youth. One of the reasons we have difficulty calling this a hate crime is because, up until the other day, we were using the f word and referring to something as ‘gay’ when it was stupid. One of the reasons we have difficulty calling this a hate crime is because we buy into this concept that we have freedom of speech and stating your dislike for a homosexual is your right.

If we were honest with ourselves, we would be locking up every gay-bashing homophobe in the country. If we were honest with ourselves as a nation, we would start the homophobe round up with jerks like National Organization for Marriage (NOM) and arrest every one of them. If we were honest, we would see that being anti-gay isn’t like being a democrat or a republican. If we were honest, we would see that you would have to be a masochist to choose to be gay in this schizoid climate of acceptance and intolerance.

Things are coming to a head. All must reach the point of a revolution to effect a radical change. This is not only a change of laws but also a change to the zeitgeist. We must become intolerant of intolerance. We must see organizations like NOM as nothing more than hate spewing fronts for fearful people who still throw rocks at the sun and try to run from their own shadows. And when this revolution happens and equality is finally won, then we can begin to teach acceptance. Then we can teach our children that there is never a reason to tease another child. It is unacceptable regardless of the beliefs they are taught. Then, teens like Seth, Asher, Billy and Tyler will rest in peace, free from the bullies and hateful society that would never allow them a normal life.

Women's Rights or Leave My Vagina Alone

We Will Not Boycott Starbucks

Gay Suicides

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