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Real Relationship Advice

Slapping some silicone

Burning out some batteries

Riding the crotch rocket

The vibrator is nothing new. Women have been using vibrators for over a century beginning with steam driven massagers. In fact, Hamilton Beach patented the first electric vibrator in 1902 which also happened to be the 5^th small appliance they produced. It seems historically that the advent of electricity heralded a multitude of products for women designed to massage and to reduce stress and hysteria. That’s right; vibrators were medicinal back in the day of Freud. Doctors felt that the eliciting ‘hysterical paroxysm’ or orgasm was the only way to treat hysteria. Since Hysteria was named after the uterus, it made perfect sense that the treatment should address the lady’s naughty bits. Today, the vibrator is as commonplace in a women’s nightstand as the Gideon Bible is in hotels. But, is it really a good thing?

Pros:

Every time a woman orgasms an angel gets its wings. No? Close enough. As we discussed last week, orgasms are not always easy for women. There are a myriad of reasons that may cause a woman to have a difficult time achieving orgasm that vibrators tend to fix. Many women require direct stimulation on the clitoris to be able to climax that regular intercourse does not provide. Many women report that a vibrator is the only way they can climax.

Cons:

Sex is like many other addictive things. And as such, there is a certain potato chip rule: one is not enough. When it comes to sex, the more experiences you have the more you raise the bar on what gets you off. The amount of stimulation provided by a vibrator can literally make you numb to ‘normal’ sex. In other words, your partner will not vibrate or flip their penises 360 degrees. This can affect your ability to achieve orgasm with your partner which could affect your intimacy.

Pros:

Orgasms are great for your health and being able to have them whenever you want makes life a lot easier.

Cons:

Some women develop vibrator dependence (back to the addiction model) and experience frustration when not available.

Pros:

It can accentuate sex play with your partner. There is nothing that says the vibrator is solely for women or that it needs to be used penetratively.

Cons:

Some partners become jealous of your BOB – battery operated boyfriend.

Everything in moderation. The use of vibrators can heighten the sexual experience but should not always be the main course when you are in a relationship. There is no judgment if you require it to achieve orgasm but CoupleDumb strongly suggests that there should be plenty of discussion surrounding their use when you are having sex with someone. It is hard to compete with something that shudders at adjustable frequencies and has gopher to directly stimulate your clitoris. Men just aren’t built that way.

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Real Relationship Advice

Mental Health is a complicated issue. On the one hand we have the individuals with difficulty assimilating into daily life and then we have society completely misunderstanding mental health and how it affects everyone. First of all, Mental Health refers to everyone and how we react, adjust, accommodate and deal with reality and daily stressors. Some of us demonstrate a good state of mental health while others are overwhelmed by the mildest of stresses. Some of us are predisposed to certain mental illnesses which devastate our mental health while others overcome these disabilities and learn to address life’s daily obstacles in a healthy manner.

The problem that people have when it comes to issues of mental health is the general societal ignorance as to the nature of mental illness. Mental Health is a term we give to the spectrum of mental issues; from healthy to debilitating. We can be symptom free our whole lives and then suffer a deterioration of how we deal with daily life due to a trauma. Most people would think that this is easily dealt with by drinking a few and ‘getting your mind off of it’. For some that could work but for others, professional help is the only way of overcoming this life hurdle.

The difference between that type of mental illness and one that can only be managed in the long term is time. As clinicians, we diagnose a mental illness and label them acute or chronic. The difference being that a person depressed after the loss of a job or home has a definitive starting date and will eventually overcome this issue. The chronically depressed individual does not usually have a specific triggering event but generally addresses life through the eyes of depression. Both of these people can be helped with talk therapy and medication but ultimately the chronic sufferer will fall back into their depression albeit not as deeply or better equipped to deal with it.

Mental Health is on a spectrum and as we understand and accept this we can begin to embrace the difficulties that individuals with mental illness face on a daily basis. We have stigmatized and separated mentally ill individuals to the point that we generally fear them. We have clumped together all mental illness as people who need to be separated from society either by institutionalization of imprisonment. In reality, people with mental illness are around us every day. They work, go to school, manage their families and are probably sharing a meal with you right now. We can pretend all we want but our ignorance is showing.

Organizations like BringChange2Mind were established to rid our society of the stigmas attached to mental illness. According to SAMHSA, 5% of the population, across the ages, races, and gender, suffer from a severe mental illness (excluding substance abuse and developmental delays). 1 in 6 individuals suffer from a mental illness (not considered debilitating). Mental Illness is color and race blind. More women are diagnosed but that number is usually elevated because men do not seek treatment as often and end up committing suicide or killed due to their violent behavior. As a society we laugh about erratic behavior but are generally unprepared when the erratic behavior occurs within our domains. If 1 in 20 people suffer from a severe mental illness, or 1 in 6 suffer a less debilitating mental illness, then it goes to reason that you know someone who is mentally ill. This is not something that can be ignored or joked about anymore.

Awareness is the first step to gaining some understanding. Acceptance will be the next step for society.

Who do you know with a mental illness? How are they treated by the world?