Relationship Rejects » CoupleDumb

10 Ways To Get A Man, Numbers 4 To 7

Jan 312012

THE Relationship Blog

Life is too short to not have what you want. This is why CoupleDumb is sharing THE 10 WAYS TO GET A MAN! This list was found on stone tablets not too far from the Dead Sea Scrolls and the next cave over from the original blueprints to the ancient Thigh Master.

THE 10 WAYS TO GET A MAN! (#4-7)

4. Sweet like sugar is not bad, even for diabetics

Did your Mom ever tell you that you get more flies with honey instead of vinegar? Why do people find it hard to say nice things to each other? The job of a partner in a relationship is to support and the easiest way to support is to say nice things. No one is saying to lie. We are saying that complimenting him on things can go a very long way. Don’t be fooled. Men have shitty self esteem as well. Having a woman him that he is awesome is better than steroids.

5. Are your legs sturdy?

Men love women who can show their sensitive sides. However, men adore women who do not need to lean of a man for everything. You can hardly be in a relationship when you have no life yourself and the idea of hitching your wagon onto a man and making him hold you up is long past. Interdependency is the way to go. Two independent people who choose to be together and can depend on one another for love and support are awesome! If you need a piggyback ride to get around the house, you are not ready for any of this wisdom.

6. Is that your flock?

One of the top 5 reasons people break up is a direct result of family and friends meddling in their relationship. If you have poor boundaries with family and friends and they feel they can interfere in your relationship on your behalf then we hope you really love these people because you won’t be in a relationship for long.

7. Possession is 9/10^th of the law

This one is complicated. This one deals with passiveness of things and people. If you can’t let go of things you probably can’t let go of people. Being attached to things in your life is unhealthy. Why? Because you are investing your energy in something that cannot and will never validate your existence. Some people operate as if their things in some way define them. If you are this kind of person, if you are possessed by your possessions, what room do you have for a relationship?

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10 Ways To Get A Man

Relationship Rejects

Jan 302012

THE Relationship Blog

What’s the secret? What are the fabled instructions on some stone tablets found in some cave in the Middle East that have been lost to time? What does a woman have to do, or be, to get the man of her dreams?

CoupleDumb has un-earthed some tablets with ancient writing on them. Luckily, we are fluent in many dead languages. These nuggets of advice have been hidden by tons of sand and a general lack of common sense. So, for the first time in modern history, THE 10 WAYS TO GET A MAN! (#1-3)

1. Make sure what you have to offer is worth a man…

Women are socialized differently. Through our parents, education and media, we get the message that we will be happy when we get a ring on our finger. Many women have rebuffed this notion. In fact, whereas in the 80s, the number one priority of a single woman was to get married, today’s woman wants a good career! 88% of young single women are not interested in marriage, see it in the future but do not feel that it is necessary. These are great breakthroughs but the result of this shift is an entire gender with poor socialization as to how to handle relationships. As women, we think our alternative to being altar focused would be to be whores.

Self-worth is a powerful aphrodisiac. A woman who is sure of herself, what she wants and where she wants to go is probably the sexiest thing for a man. If you believe in yourself, maintain your integrity and live your life without regret, you have more than enough to offer a man.

2. Junk in the trunk is one thing but do not haul a trailer…

If there is anything that turns off a man it is a woman with a past. We aren’t talking about being promiscuous. We are talking about women who allow their past to dictate their present. A man broke your heart once and now all men are pigs. You broke up with a guy and have had an on-again off-again affair. This speaks directly to grieving and having closure with people. Move on. New relationships do not need the playback on the bad relationships.

3. Do you know how to shoot straight?

If there is one thing a guy cannot handle it is a girl who plays games. Men are simple in nature and say what they mean and mean what they say. (Unless the guy is a complete pussy and if so, steer clear of him). Women, take a lesson from a man and say exactly what you want, what you need and what you think. Don’t couch it in innuendo, meta-messages and passive aggressiveness. Just say it! He can’t read your mind so don’t expect him to.

Tomorrow we will unearth more of these pearls. Until then, aloha!

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When To F^^k

Relationship Rejects

Jan 242012

THE Relationship Blog

So you look across the table and decide that you really like this person that you have been dating now for 1, 3 or 15 weeks. Yes, you know that you are going to ‘give it up’ at some point with this person. So the big question becomes, when. When is it too early? We have a name for women who drop their panties too quickly. Unfortunately, we also have a name for women who drop them too slowly. And, yes, guys do not have all of the bad names but they do have just as much of the crazy. Too soon and you are a player, not serious about the relationship. Too slow and you’re into other guys or you’re a monk.

When to fuck?

The answer to this is that you will know when it is right. Your gut will tell you. Yes that is the simple and accurate advice but it really can only be given to you by your Auntie Mame type granny who curses, has buried a husband and taken a lover twenty years younger than her. This advice assumes that we are in touch with ourselves. As we wrote yesterday, that is probably not the case.

If you are asking the question then what you are truly concerned with is promiscuity and impulsivity. On the spectrum of psychosexual dysfunction, one end holds the things that stop you from having or enjoying sex. The common folk would call them frigidity or prudishness. We have written about this before and will again, but not now. Just know that that is one end. The other has the impulse control issues. This is where promiscuity and sex addiction reside. You want to fall somewhere in between.

Oddly enough, most people, especially women, are not worried about putting-out too slowly. So let’s focus on too fast. Are you being impulsive? If you are with your guy, stewing in a pool of your own panty pudding, doing everything you can not to claw his shirt off then this is not the right time to address your impulsivity. Impulsiveness is a personality trait, according to scientists. This means that it is very hard to stop the impulse while it is happening. Instead you need to go into the situation with forethought. Have you had sex too early for you? Have you woken the next day with that Oh Shit feeling? Monitoring impulsiveness means looking at your life patterns, knowing them then, if you want, changing them.

With any impulse control issue, like addiction, there is a point in the treatment when you realize that you cannot do what you have been. Or in other words, if you do not want to feel like a whore then stop having sex on the first date. Put your ugly panties on because you know that no one is seeing them tonight.

If you are pretty sure that you are in the healthy middle of the sex spectrum then when do you have sex? You are not a prude and you are not an addict so can you give it up tonight? What does your gut say? Ask yourself why you are going to have sex (which we are writing about tomorrow). And know that, all hang-ups aside, sex is good. Anthropologically, the mating ritual is what removes promiscuity (sexual wanderlust) from the community. If not for sex, we would be a nomadic tribe of horny humans. Thanks to sex, we have cities. Animal culture, including human, is built on sex. So go ahead. Have a good fuck on us.

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