Real Relationship Advice
CoupleDumb has been writing about relationships for nearly 4 years. We have tackled a lot of subjects regarding relationships and revisited the same subjects as the years have progressed. We have written and posted over 1000 posts and we still have 1000’s more to write. The subject of relationships is just as rich today as it was 4 years ago. The funny thing is that we are still asked the same questions. Why do some relationships work while others don’t? What is the secret to a happily ever after? And finally, how do you fix what’s seems broken?
First, we want to remind our readers that we are not about being miserably married. We are committed to happy relationships and sometimes what makes a person most happy or gives them the potential of the most happiness is being divorced/single.
So to answer the burning questions:
Why do some relationships work while others don’t?
This is a very loaded question because there is an element that there is a trick or magic behind a happy marriage. There is a supposition that you are either happy or un-happy. In reality, many people live in sex-less, love-less marriages. They go about their days feeling consigned to living a half-life; marriage being a death sentence instead of a relationship that encourages the highest possibility for each spouse. We would say being married is not the goal. Being happily married should be your goal.
Each relationship is unique but there are some red flags that are a sign that a relationship won’t work:
1. Disparity: Statistically, if a man marries a woman who makes more money than him or has a higher status, the relationship is not expected to work. The statistics on this have softened over the years as men become more evolved. However, disparity must always be discussed within the relationship. When a person in a relationship gauges their status in the relationship based on their income or contributions there will be an issue. Which leads directly to the next problem.
2. Competing: Couples that are constantly competing will not work. Marriage and relationships are not a competition. There is nothing wrong with a little competition but if you keep score in arguments, sex and other relationship areas, you are doomed.
3. Being right/Positioning: We don’t believe in compromise but we also do not believe that any position is worth losing your happiness over. If you are never willing to look at a different point of view, you have no business being in a relationship.
4. Sexual incompatibility: We take issue with this as an issue. Sex is not like baseball where you are born with a prowess that can only be called a gift. Sure, some people are better than others but that has more to do with commitment to the act than being gifted. Any two individuals that love each other should be willing to do what it takes to bring pleasure to their partner. If not, then you are doomed.
5. Different Values: A foundation is the most important part of a healthy relationship. Different values are not just a difference of opinions but a different way of looking at life.
Come back tomorrow as we look at other relationship questions.