Real Relationship Advice
If you read CoupleDumb or if you simply look at previous posts, you know that I am no shrinking violet. I am the one who will ‘go there’, stay there and sometimes make camp in the provocative. If you have watched ‘Relationship Rehab’, you know that I do not shy from sex talk and I am quite vocal about being sexy and remembering that we are sexual beings. Also, if you have read about addiction on our site, you will recall that I have admitted to being a sex addict and my drug of choice was porn. I say all of this to preface why my main point here and it is that I WILL NOT BE READING ’50 shades of Grey’.
My understanding is that ’50 shades of grey’ is an erotic novel which is a nice way of saying that it’s a sex book hiding beneath the veneer of something you can read in a book club. I remember these books. They were the type you could pick up in dildo stores and they usually had covers of cartoon sex or a couple that looked a whole lot like Ken and Barbie who were in mid disrobement. These books always had the same premise; 1. Innocent girl doing good girl things like working hard or going to school 2. Man who is sexy and he can’t take his eyes off of her (does he seek to consume her innocence?) 3. Man has weird sexual proclivities and he can’t wait to deflower the girl. 4. Girl gets deflowered and likes it. Without having read the books, how close am I to the premises of these books?
Look, I have nothing against porn or erotic writing. I have nothing against a little fun. I do caution everyone on what these books and images do to unwitting readers/viewers. Whether we want to or not, the images elicited from these pornographic materials pervert and warp our mind. As I have mentioned countless times, when we indulge in certain sexual fantasies we raise the bar or threshold for sex. In other words, if you engage in sex with multiple partners, this will be your new threshold. Regular, missionary sex with one person will not cut it anymore. If you read or watch sex that is different than what you do normally, it can encourage you to expand your repertoire but it can also create a vacuum between what you know you can get from your partner and what you really want to fulfill a certain fantasy. In other words, porn breeds dissatisfaction due to unrealistic expectations.
There is nothing wrong with regular missionary sex. In fact, regular missionary sex is probably one of the best positions for both men and women because of the positioning of his pelvis to hers and the angle of thrust. Physics-wise everybody is happy! There is nothing wrong with toys in the bedroom. You know I don’t mean the odd Lego on the floor but something that vibrates. The problem is when you can’t achieve orgasm without them. The dependency is where the addiction is.
So, I will not be reading ’50 Shades of Grey’. Godspeed to all of you who have. Me, I will dress up my husband in a nice grey suit and we can have our own party.
Lee and Paul
