2010 September » CoupleDumb

5 Wedding Traditions That Might Not Be As Romantic As You Thought

Sep 302010

There was a time when we believed that a seizure was caused by demons in our heads. To fix this, the people of old would pop a few holes in the possessed person’s head and let the demons out. Why are we bringing up malevolent spirits during wedding week? You would be surprised at the things that we do because some ancestor thought that it was a good matrimonial idea.

So here are 5 wedding traditions that might not be as romantic as you thought.

1. Brides wear white to symbolize purity, right? Wrong. The tradition of a bride wearing a pure white gown did not start until the mid 1800’s, which is relatively recent in modern history, with the wedding of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert of crank calling fame. She wore white not because she was making a statement on her purity but because she thought that she would look damn hot. By the way, all of her bridesmaids wore white too.

2. Since we are talking about wedding colors, why not blue? In the days before Queen Vicky busted out the white frock, women got married wearing something nice, Sunday best. If they wanted to do the whole symbolism thing, they might wear green for youth or purple for the courage of the soldiers in the Civil War or red for the independence sought by the colonists of the American Revolution. We actually think that blue is the best color. Blue means fidelity. We think that a blue dress with blue flowers for the woman and a blue tux for the man would be nice. Accent both with a blue hat, blue shoes, blue sox and that stuff that dentists use to make your teeth blue if you do not brush enough.

3. By the way, the veil, which some wedding websites consider to be the most exciting and romantic part of the ceremonial attire, means obedience to your husband. Are you going to wear a veil at your wedding?

4. In the days of old, the Scottish ancestors needed to mate outside of their tribe to avoid established incest taboos. So the ‘marrying type’ of man would go to a neighboring tribe and grab himself some nice wife material and if his father-in-law-to-be didn’t like it, he would need to be killed. Now carrying off an angry bride with good childbearing hips is a lot of work, especially if you are busy fighting off a tribe full of family members. The solution was to bring some friends with you to the ‘courtship’, preferably big friends with large swords. The biggest friend who killed the most in-laws was called your Best Man, as in the sentence ‘you bring your best man and I’ll bring my best man, and we will see who wins’. Also, the bride stands to the left of the groom so that he has his sword wielding hand free in case any surviving in-laws try to pull anything funny.

5. Of all of the traditions in this article, the stag party is one of the oldest. It dates back to the ancient Spartan soldiers who were having the party for exactly the same reason that we have it now. Amazing how men do not change, even over 2500 years.

There you have it. The foundations of the most beautiful day of your life as steeped in misinformation and some bloody violence. All of this information is to pound in the same point: stop focusing on the silly white dress and focus on the marriage that follows. This is just some loving relationship advice from CoupleDumb.

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A word from our sponsors

Sep 302010

Since Paul has a degree in Physics, he is, by default, a tech person. It comes with the territory. He can’t catch a ball to save his life but he knows his technology. One thing that he knows is that technology can be expensive. OK, everybody knows this. So any time that we can get a savings on technology, we will, especially if it is a good percentage off of a big-ticket item. And let’s face it, every really good tech item is a big ticket item, no matter how small the actual item is.

By way of nice tech purchases, Dell makes a good solid computer. As a matter of fact, that is one of the best things about the Dell laptops; they are solid. Their laptops are the kind that you can use to write a scathing email or just close it up and pummel the guy over the head. It’s all the same to a Dell. With Savings.com, you can get some pretty sweet Dell coupons that will get you a hefty percentage off of your purchase.

On a side note, one of the things that we really appreciate about Savings.com is that we can pick and choose our coupons. It is nice to have one place where we can get discounts on tech toys and shoes and jewelry and travel and…

Smackdown On Your TV.

Celebrity Smackdown

Sep 292010

Usually, Wednesday are dedicated to media’s contribution to relationship dysfunction. Since we are concentrating on Weddings and Marriage this week, we thought we would address one of the biggest enemies to marriage on the planet. You may think it an innocuous decoration or accessory and some may even call it entertaining. What we do know is that the television is the biggest purveyor of relationship misinformation that there is. But we also know is that television is the home for shows like Fringe and Glee that are like a panacea to savages such as ourselves. Nonetheless, we strongly urge people to keep the television sets out of the bedroom and are even providing you with the 5 Reasons the TV stays out of the Bedroom.

1. Pornography: With televisions comes DVD and cable. Those mediums are chock full of pornography. We are not prudes but we do know that the use of occasional pornography can lead to a deep addiction and an obsessive pre-occupation with sex. Ultimately, it takes more to stimulate and arouse the viewers in real life. Pornography is unrealistic, puts pressure on the couple to perform and ultimately makes certain acts seem blasé when they can have serious effects on those who engage in them.

2. If you have a TV, you won’t have sex: TV is a distraction. As the blush of the newlyweds is presented with the pallor of long term marriage, we must get creative to how to incite our partners. The television set is a distraction and before you know it, weeks have passed and there has been no activity. We can tell you that after nearly 22 years of marriage, we don’t need a TV in the room. Even studies confirm that a TV in the bedroom cuts your sex life in half (Seronelli, 2006).

3. Television attributes to poor sleeping habits: Aside from sex, you are in your bedroom to sleep. Many people become accustomed to falling asleep with the television on. This is considered a poor sleep habit and can probably signal a deep fear of being alone. Once again, the television distracts from what should be happening in the bedroom.

4. Contributes to family disconnectedness: If you have a TV in your bedroom, more than likely, you have a television elsewhere in the house. If so, then, you are setting yourself up for the following scenario: Everyone watching something different, in different rooms, all the time. Just because you are a family does not mean you have the same taste in everything. Also, it is unfair for anyone to dominate the television (as a 1 TV Household, we find this hilarious since the kids have the TV all the time.)

5. Violates the sanctuary: A television is an invitation to enter a room. Sit down. Take a load off. Kick back and watch some TV. A couple’s bedroom should be their sanctuary. If you are in bed, you should be sleeping, talking or fooling around. The only exception is some reading. Lying in bed, discussing your day or frustration is a natural place to garner a little privacy and intimacy. Please remember, sex is not intimacy but lying in bed talking is. With the TV showing you the latest episode of The Real Housewives, which, we will opine that if they are REAL then we are all in trouble, you have little chance for intimacy.