2010 April » CoupleDumb

Being faithful and other odd concepts

Apr 302010

Never!!!

          Friday is here and if you are eating lunch at your desk at noon Eastern Standard Time or grabbing a cup of coffee at 9am PST, tune in to see us talk about infidelity on ‘Relationship Rehab’ MingleMediaTV.com. We have live chatting and would love your perspective on the topic. But while you are here, go ahead and read our final post on cheating and cheaters.

          Lee says: I guess you can gather from reading a week’s worth of posts regarding infidelity that I have little respect for those who cheat and even less for those who partake in the sordid affair. I guess my reaction is really all about loyalty. My friends and family know that I am a faithful bitch and you would be hard-pressed to find a moment in my existence when I have not been loyal. I guess you can say I was bred that way.

          I have mentioned that my father was unfaithful to my mother and my mom tended to over-share and include the kiddies (as did my Dad). The worst part of all these flimsy boundaries was not the feeling of discomfort and wishing that my real parents would magically appear and pick me up and realizing ‘Damn, I look like my Dad and I have my Mom’s personality’. The worst part was what I perceived as the violating of the family unit. I felt that both parents had betrayed the family unit. That, more than anything, messed me up.

          When I began to date Paul, I was very clear that disregarding things like loyalty and commitment was a sure way to earn a one way ticket to singledom. I was not ever going to risk myself or my family to someone who regarded commitments as disposable as well as the people to whom they were made. I needed a partner who felt the way I did or I would be living alone and collecting knick knacks of chubby kids posed around wells and dykes.

          I was blessed. I am a very lucky woman that I never have to worry myself with the possible infidelities of my spouse because it will never happen. No, I am not being naïve. I know who he is and I know what he is capable of. And, since we write together and do the TV show and radio together besides having our three children, the only time he is ever away from me is to go to the bathroom. If he can make some time with someone during that time, I would be impressed.

          But it’s that very attitude of believing that someone who believes in commitment is actually being stupid that allows infidelity to proliferate. If we believe that it’s a given then it is. If we see it as an evil that we can do nothing about, then it is. If we conduct our lives as if commitments to spouses or significant others are insignificant and that sex is the true gold standard, then it is. I choose to live in a world where I believe that people can live by their words and can be responsible for themselves. I choose to live in a world that sees infidelity as an abomination towards man itself (no need to bring God into this since He already laid out a whole commandment on this subject).

          I guess I’m an old fashioned girl. I like being married and being faithful to my husband is very easy. Yes, in our 21 years I have been propositioned and have batted away more than one advance. Aside from being flustered, I was nauseated that anyone would even try to test my loyalty to my man and marriage. I am a loyal bitch and I love that about me. I also like to be scratched behind the ears and play Frisbee.

          Paul says: First, the only way that you will find me in someone else’s bed is if I am taking a nap. Yes, I’m a nap whore. Second, I love my loyal bitch. I can’t imagine straying. Honestly, I do not see the need. If it is just about sex, Lee will do everything that I need (wink, wink). If I want a redhead, she’ll bust out a wig. Ain’t no shame in either of our games.

Love, Cheating and Weaponry

Relationship Rejects

Apr 292010

Plastic wrap over the face cures all forms of cheating

          We are talking about cheating here at CoupleDumb. Why not? We figure everyone else in the nation is. Instead of asking why people cheat, how about we look at why people don’t. Yes, we’re optimists.

          Paul says: Before Lee and I got married, during our courtship period, we had some discussion about infidelity and the whole breakup process in general. Let me point out that infidelity and breakup went hand in hand at that time. First, you need to understand young CoupleDumb’s opinion on breaking up. The idea of an amiable separation was not a possibility. I have always had a flair for the brooding dramatic and young me was even worse than old me, if you can believe that. So, describing me with a sentence that ended ‘…before turning the gun on himself’ was perfectly acceptable in my construct of the first years of our marriage. Also, keep in mind that, at that time, I was the introvert. Lee was the outgoing passionate one. So I know that, if we ever broke up, I had better learn to shot and dodge because bullets were coming my way too.

          If break up was conventional warfare, infidelity was nuclear destruction. It was the fast track to all out insanity. It was the scenario where the cops are dragging me as I yell, slathering, ‘Yes, I cut the bitch up. I cut up her boyfriend too. You know why? Because she’s a whore. Whore! WHORE!’ And I continue repeating the word for the next 7 or 8 years.

          As we started writing about infidelity, I began to question where all of this passion came from. I did not have the same story as Lee. To the best of my knowledge, my folks were staunchly faithful. Cheating was a complete non-issue in my family, neither discussed as a cautionary tale nor was fidelity a badge of honor. It simply was not talked about at all. Then Lee asked, ‘What about grandpa’ and it all came into play. You see, grandpa was an addict; alcohol, drugs and sex. He had the trifecta. Of course, I did not understand all of this as a kid. I was all right with my parents being physically loving with each other but not grandma and grandpa.

          My grandparents were the classic example of dysfunction. They argued constantly. They used disrespectful language to each other. I understood, even as a child, that that part was bad. What I didn’t understand was how screwed up our simple strolls around the block were. When I was at my grandparents, which I did quite often, we would take walks around the block for exercise and just to get out of the house. Or so I thought. My grandfolks lived in one of those odd areas that was a really nice neighborhood but surrounded by the more seedy larger thoroughfares. Bottom line is that the prostitutes of the area all knew my grandfather by name. I thought that it was because he was just so friendly. Now, I must admit that I am rethinking this.

          There is a good possibility that my parents did not talk about infidelity because they saw it firsthand. My grandparents had a crappy marriage and my parents were wise enough to know that they did not want that. Nothing like watching someone else’s craziness to straighten your shit out.

          Lee says: Paul forgets that some of his psychological make-up also comes from his paternal grandfather who was described by my father-in-law as absent and unfaithful. His father was the role model of loyalty.

          Now, to clear up some misconceptions that Paul may have started, I would never have shot Paul if he had been unfaithful. Shooting is so violent and messy. I would have gone for poison since back in the day there wasn’t any of that fancy CSI shit to worry about.

Celebrity Smackdown: Celebs who cannot keep it in their pants

Celebrity Smackdown

Apr 282010

Lesbians. (Think about it)

          The history of this blog is short. We began in January of 2009. We write about relationships. Once a week, we give a celebrity a sound and snarky beating. We have been lax on the last one. However, with the topic this week being infidelity, we think we can safely tread these waters again without jeopardizing any karma points. Come on, this is like blowing up fish in a barrel. In other words, where’s the challenge?

          Lee says: I have tried to keep my opinions to myself regarding the rash of celebs being outed as cheaters. I have mentioned Tiger only in that the guy needed help. What I am noticing is this almost liaise faire attitude regarding infidelity in the non-celeb world. Its like, ‘Come on, everybody does it. There’s nothing new about that.’ It is true that the statistics on infidelity, around 50% for both men and women, are staggering but this doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. It’s like the common cold. Everybody gets it but how many billions have we spent trying to get rid of it?

          It is this same attitude, this permissive turning a blind eye, that has created the issues of today. Celebs are not the only ones who do it. In some cultures, its common place. It seems the bigger act of disrespect is not being discreet. ‘Go ahead and fuck a ho but don’t let me find out about it!’ How about NO?! How about we commit and become people of our words.

          I understand the world of sex addiction. As a therapist and a person who has confused love for sex before, I understand the need for release and how that relieves a certain need to be needed or feel better about oneself. This is the animal that is sex addiction. However, by the same token, an addiction is not necessarily more powerful than conviction to a commitment- unless you want it to be.

          So here is the smacking.

          Letterman – for God’s sake, could you be less fuckable? I understand that you have always had issues with commitment and only recently married your long time girl friend only to cheat on her. Perhaps this is why you were reluctant to put a ring on it. But quite frankly, your notoriety and money are the only reason you got any play. And with a work person, no less?!? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

          Tiger – You are not a bad looking man but you are a married man with children. Also, add to that that your whole persona has been based on the idea that you are the role model. You built your brand around being the good boy, good son, good golfer and later good husband and father. Because you could not keep it in your pants, all of those ideals are gone. You are now the asshole golfer who thinks he’s a rock star. The average golfing fan is not the rock star demographic who would accept this behavior with ‘He was rockin. Shit happens.’ You’re a golfer and you should be as boring as your game.

          Jesse – I guess I feel this one the most. You cheated on America’s Fucking Sweetheart asshole! Everybody loves your wife and forever more you are a dick. You cheated on your wife who is considered affable, intelligent, funny and beautiful with skanky, stripping hos. I have a few tattoos Jesse and I have no disparaging remarks on tattoos but facial tattoos? Seriously? Were you trying to distract people from your insipidness, you nasty whore?

          So you see I have no real opinions on these guys. I could add Larry King but since I am sure he really died long ago and what we are seeing is a zombie, I have chosen to refrain from smacking zombie cheaters and believe any woman who could fuck him is probably a necrophiliac.