2009 May » CoupleDumb

Celebrity Smackdown: Drs. Phil and Laura

May 272009

All good advice comes from there.

Now, we aren’t ones to talk smack about people unless, of course, they really deserve it. This week we are focusing on advice and the people who peddle it. Many people are wondering, what’s the big deal? Why would CoupleDumb spend a few days concentrating on something as innocuous as advice? The answer is obvious. Some people out there actually listen to some of these hypocrites. The business of advice is alive and well, folks. The only way we’re going to kill this hydra is to do a Celebrity Smackdown on all these advice peddlers.

Here’s my problem with these people. As a trained therapist, you learn early on that you don’t give advice. Advice comes from a place of ‘I know and you don’t’. It separates you from the person with the problem because you feel superior. It’s hard to empathize when you feel incredibly superior to your client or guest. So when I hear about frauds like Dr. Laura or Dr. Phil, I wonder what happened to their last names. I’m kidding. I wonder what happened to their ability to feel. I wonder why they felt it was better to be hard core, no-nonsense pithy saying purveyors instead of real agents of change.

Dr. Laura is an interesting one since she has actually convinced people she has any authority whatsoever. The fact that her doctorate is in physiology should alert people to the fact that she is someone who is heavy duty denial of who she really is. So she was certified as a Marriage and Family Counselor in California many years ago but if she maintained any ethics whatsoever, she would drop the doctor all together.

At first, she passed herself off as an expert. Then she tried to convince us that her integrity was beyond reproach. Funny how some titty pics are the great levelers in our society. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Then came the information that she was unfaithful in her first marriage and assisted in the dissolution of another marriage. We soon found out that she lived with her hubby for many years and even had a baby out of wedlock. This from the woman who berates and humiliates people for doing the exact same thing she did. Now, if she would have said from the beginning that she was a titty flashing, unfaithful, marriage breaking, bastard having woman then her words may carry a little more weight in my book. Denying who you are is just one of those minor things that set me off. Call it a quirk but lack of integrity is my biggest pet peeve.

I could mention her opinions of homosexuals but do I really need to waste anymore space on this bitch?

Then we have Dr. Phil. At least this guy actually has a psychology degree. Sure he’s been sanctioned by the ethics board for having a dual relationship (in plain English-he was either diddling a client or gave one a job. Either way, big no-no), but he at least has an understanding about psychology that Dr. Laura probably doesn’t. What chaps my butt with this guy is the gross commercialism of his practice. Yes, I am calling his show a practice since people come to him with problem and they expect him to intervene.

The cases I am referring to are Britney Spears and OctoMom. To pursue clients like this just cheapens the psychology field in general. Targeting the crazy bitch du jour to have on your show makes you look bad, Dr. Phil. But if you insist on doing that, do it right. Get licensed in California, get a van with a cool crisis team and go after those crazy bitches with a vengeance. Tranq them and throw them in the back, then bring them to your show for you to work your magic and say shit like, ‘A dog never peed on a moving car’ and other gems like that. Maybe you can go over to Dr. Laura’s house first and try to find out what happened to your last names. Don’t worry; this is just some friendly advice.

Want my advice...?

Kids and why you can't kill them

May 262009

What...?

Woohoo it’s Tuesday! We hope everyone had a relaxing Memorial Day weekend. CoupleDumb actually took a day off and didn’t post yesterday. It was a little weird but we figured why waste a good post if no one will read it. Our day off was spent challenging our 5 year old to Wii games. He’s finally reaching the age where we no longer need to let him win. Sure there are those ‘experts’ out there who say you shouldn’t let your kid win but we all know what they say about opinions.

Lee says: I remember being a new Mommy. We had adopted Jeannie and everyone and their mother needed to put in their two cents. According to some, she was already doomed since she had no bonding with her birth mother. Others were of the opinion that we could have her sleep with us for a couple of years so that she could bond. And still others believed it didn’t matter because it was stupid and crazy to adopt in the first place. Our families were not what you would call supportive on the outset. Paul and I made the decision on our own despite the cries that we had lost our minds.

Once we had her, the advice became different. Then it was stuff like, ‘Have you taken her to the doctor’, ‘You should get her eyes checked’ and ‘Hey, have you two even noticed that her eyes are funny?’ Our eyes didn’t need to be checked and to overlook Jeannie’s eyes would take an eye condition that could only be remedied by a seeing-eye dog. Our daughter saw (this is a true number, not exaggerated for artistic purposes) 17 doctors in one week. We took her to a wonderful pediatrician who then coordinated the best of the best in Los Angeles.

And yet, years later, we still get the parenting advice. I know what you’re saying, ‘Isn’t that what you’re about to do?’ Sure, but this is different. People think they are helping by dispending their golden nuggets of wisdom. People believe that the way they were parented and parenting their kids is the best way. I believe parenting is an intuitive process. We are all human beings and I believe we are all connected. I feel people will parent well if they allow themselves to be themselves. Come on people, kids were getting parented long before the Bible talked of sparing the rod or Spock wrote a book (not live long and prosper Spock but Benjamin). It comes naturally to hold and suckle a child. The other stuff, or the tricks, are things you will pick up from here and there.

I will admit I listened to my Mom. Not on topics such as ‘how to mother’ but the secrets she acquired in her years of mothering like rice water and her magical chicken soup. It’s scary really when parents listen to all the crap out there. I soon expect to see children swaddled in bubble wrap and wearing masks all the time. Maybe Michael Jackson has the right idea and that would be the scariest advice of all.

Paul says: If I take the boys to the store, just me and them, I will always get some woman telling me how to raise them. Realize, I spend a lot of time with my kids. I am what you would consider a participatory dad. Yet I get ‘you should read to them’ (which I do at least once a day) or ‘you shouldn’t feed them chocolate’ (which I do not because I’m not sharing my chocolate). For me, the bottom line about advice is that it should be given if sought. Admittedly, if someone is doing something grossly wrong then advice might be appreciated but I have never held my kids by one leg, upside down, in the store. I reserve that for home. Even with my often poor self esteem, I am certain that I will not screw up my children between getting the eggs and checking out.

BTW: as I am writing this, I am feeding my son donuts for dinner, letting him play with knives as he runs around the house naked. Any advice?

WTF of the Week or Nothing Good Can Come of This

WTF of the Week

May 232009

Lord, I hope they're dating! We could write about that for months.

Please understand: we love Bette Midler. The woman is an icon and we adore everything she does from getting our freeways clean in L.A. to beautifying the streets of New York to wearing a mermaid outfit and dancing to a choreographed wheelchair routine. Love her!

This week Bette was seen chumming it up with former gangster now rapper 50 Cents aka. Fiddy. Por Qua? WTF? Que Carajo?

This is less a WTF and more a Nothing Good can come from this union. We said the same thing when they started frying Oreos. Yes we love fried food and we love Oreos but for the love of the sweet baby Jesus why the hell would you do this to our already obese nation? Is that Bette’s and Fiddy’s intent? Or are they being brought together to offer us a confection so evil and tempting that we will brave coronary artery disease to try it? Perhaps.

We just want to know what either of them were thinking or what their first conversation was like.

Bette: You’re a rapper. 50 Cents? Why not Silver Dollar?

Fiddy: Who the fuck are you?

Bette: I’m Bette Midler. I starred in Beaches, Ruthless People and The Rose.

Fiddy: Hole up shawty. You was in that piece o’ shit Jinxed too!

Bette: Yes I was. And you were shot a million times and Kanye West kicked your ass in album sales.

Fiddy: Respect bitch!

Then Bette pulled out her glock and popped yet another cap in his ass.

Or maybe they will record a new song. Something like Wind Beneath My Wings meets Candy Shop. The lyrics would go something like ‘After you work up a sweat you can play with my stick, for you are the wind beneath my…’ WHOA. They need to work out the rhyme but something like that.