2009 May » CoupleDumb

WTF of the Week: Upholding the Gay Marriage Ban in California

May 302009

WTF? Just keep saying it.

There are many things one can say about this ruling announced on Tuesday. We can look at this logically and say that the plaintiffs didn’t argue the right angle by asserting that it’s too easy to change the Californian constitution. We can say that the California Supreme court is just upholding the law and is not going to legislate from the bench. Sure… and we can also say that the justices were a bunch of wimps and know that Prop 8 is a poorly veiled legal way of treating people as second class citizens.

We are Californians by birth. We were born and raised in Los Angeles County. We met in L.A. and married in L.A.. In our hearts, even after living in Miami for almost 14 years, we are still Californians. So it pains us to see that the ‘left coast’ just can’t seem to live up to its hype. One word: Iowa. That’s right.

And while we are on the subject, Maggie Gallagher, president of the National Organization for Marriage, was pleased as punch and cookies when she heard the court’s ruling. Maggie, a former single mother, sits on her large throne and runs a think tank that obviously has no ventilation since the only thinking they do is to come up with new ways to scare Christians into thinking that homos marrying is the same as killing the baby Jesus. This is the same woman who defended Carrie Prejean and called her a martyr. Yeah, we know. Martyrs usually die so if she was planning on offing Miss California, she better get to it.

I guess we can say what everybody else is saying. It’s sad. We’re sad we live in a country where some of our friends are treated like second class citizens. We’re sad that people stand behind their faith to force their bigotry on everyone. I guess we are sad that bitches like Maggie and Carrie are doing pudding shots off of Carrie’s fake titties because of this ruling. I guess we’re sad that we just put that image out there and will now drink until the picture in our mind goes away.

Readers Questions and other Unsolicited Advice

Reader's Questions

May 292009

Yep.

One of our favorite readers asked the following questions: ‘What is the treatment protocol for a narcissist and how do you depose of the body after you deal with it?’ As we have said before, we do not shy away from any questions and even though the answer may implicate us in a possible felony, we maintain that commitment.

Lee says: Dearest reader, the sad truth is that there are no treatment protocols for personality disorders per se. Narcissists, in general, do not seek out help since they are perfect and the rest of the world is crazy. Narcissists find themselves in treatment when they go into crisis. What is treated is their Axis I diagnosis (i.e. Mood Disorders, Psychosis, Addictions, Anxieties), not their personality disorder.

There is no medication that stops an over inflated sense of self. Long term individual psychotherapy is the only form of treatment that has shown any promise. However, that depends completely on a narcissist feeling the need to change. Do you see a problem with that? Usually what will bring them to seek help will be a lack of relationship. They will continually try to blame the other party and use words like ‘envy’ to describe how others see them.

I will defer to Paul’s sub personality to answer the second part.

Paul says: Under advisement of my legal counsel, I will refrain from giving specifics. On a completely unrelated topic, I will say that large vats of acid are hard to come by and easily traceable. I live in Florida. We have a lot of ocean.

Lee continues: As we wind up our week on advice, I wanted to make something perfectly clear. We think it’s great for people to share their concerns and issues with others. I think we take offense when people think their advice is the answer or they offer it without anyone asking. I personally see that as a violation of boundaries.

Last night I was having a conversation with a friend and I mentioned how a parent can assist their child by being a role model and also seeking therapy so that they will be healthier. She suggested I tell a mutual acquaintance this information since they were having issue with their child. I respectfully said hell no! There are two things you should know about me: 1. I won’t do nudity even if it’s integral to the script and 2. I don’t force therapy or advice on anyone. Sorry thems my rules.

I wonder about people who give their advice out like Halloween candy. Maybe we have hit on the narcissistic streak people have? Most people who do this aren’t what you would call, free from sin, foible or issue. There are very few people out there who really have the resume and reputation to be able to give any kind of advice and yet they don’t do it without someone asking. I think this is why Dr. Laura bothers me so much. She is successful for being opinionated! Shit if this was the criteria for success, my Dad should be the friggen’ King of the Universe.

Paul continues: I also need to set the record straight. I’m a writer. I have some nice stories and I can string together a pretty swell sentence. But, when it comes to true knowledge of interpersonal psychology, shit and Shinola look the same to me. Keep that in mind before your start the Holy Religious Order of Paul.

I know why they dumped you.

Relationship Rejects

May 282009

"I don't know why girls don't like me."

This week we have been talking about advice. The topic came up after reading the myriad questions and answers posted on relationship chat groups. They read like soap operas with topics ranging from ‘I think my boyfriend is cheating’ to ‘how much oral sex is enough?’ When we first started reading them (for purely business reasons) it was like striking a vein of dysfunction. We had enough fodder to write about to take us well into our old age. Then the question arose; why are people spilling their lives out onto cyberpaper for total and unqualified strangers to critique.

Paul says: One day I was reading the daily seven hundred emails of people bantering dysfunction on a Yahoo group when one of the posts asked the most vocal member whether she was a therapist. I assumed that the person was because she answered every question and did so with authority. When she said that she was not a therapist, just someone that has been around a lot, I was amazed. Honestly, what would have someone give advice about relationships when their only qualification is that they had had many? So a relationship expert can be either a psych professional or whore? Not that I was expecting to be reading actual therapy on the internet but, with that statement, the group went from a support group to a bunch of people bitching about their exes or their dumbass boyfriend /girlfriend /husband /probably-not-significant-for-long other.

First of all, I want to say that I am not a therapist and, as a person that sleeps with one, I know the allure of being a counselor by proxy. I know that I have good insight and I have done a fair amount of psych work on myself. Then I see Lee work and I need to step back and it remember she went to school for this. Contrary to popular belief, there is actually some training and science behind this whole psychology thing. Like the time I saw her speak to a man named Rocket Boy for over an hour at a party. By the end of the conversation she had the list of meds he was no longer taking and his social worker name and number. That was impressive!

But these people are putting their lives out there, on display, because seeing a professional is a commitment. It is easy to elicit sympathy from the crowd of broken and wounded compatriots in the war of the sexes. It is another to seek solutions within yourself.

I do not know why these relationship groups set me off so much. I think that it has to do with the bottom line premise that they all have: I will never have a good relationship, no way, no how, so let’s talk about it.

Lee says: When it comes to having problems, I have never shied from asking for advice. I have always figured that feeling crappy was worse than any embarrassment I may suffer by sharing my issues. However, these people that Paul is referring to are not your ordinary folk. These people really like to see there shit splattered across the cyber universe for any asshole to take a whack at it. The best part is reading the advice. I’m talking get some popcorn and watch the drama unfold. The level of dysfunction displayed on both sides, advice wanter and advice giver, is better than watching Maury, Springer and Bad Girls Club all at the same time!

Maybe I’m jaded because I am a therapist. Maybe I lack the ability due to my education to appreciate the grass roots, Middle America perspective on things. And maybe, just maybe, I use the brain God gave me and know you go to experts for help. In other words, don’t ask a toothless man to be your dentist.