Real Relationship Advice
Time has a way of messing with us. We are either bored, with too much time on our hands, or we are overwhelmed because we just don’t have enough time. Few people have a good relationship with time. They can manage their time well and always seem to have enough. While most of us are either running out of time and overwhelmed with the multitude of tasks that present themselves and we just can’t say no to another assignment or meeting and oh crap the teacher asked for a baked good tomorrow morning and when do I get to sleep and the sad answer is ‘when you die’. We understand life can be complicated. We also understand that time is an illusion and that we have become a slave to the clock. As we finish up our Tired Parent series we want to address the concept of ‘not enough time’.
Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Unfortunately, when it comes to sex, we are like kids in a candy store. We run in, try everything while frenetically singing Candyman and pass out in a satisfied heap (those of us who were lucky to find great partners). Sure, we remember those long afternoons watching the warm sun filter through the sheer curtain that moved lazily with the breeze while we lay there all tangled together. Sure, weekends dedicated to being horizontal with the occasional break to shower together were amazing. Many people think marriage will resemble these hedonistic time that only lacked someone fanning us and another peeling our grapes.
Things change and there are some that do not understand it. Marriage is a lot like Christmas morning and you open up the toy you always wanted. You would play with that toy morning, noon and night. You would dream of that toy. Slowly you would transition to playing with it in the afternoons, after school. Then it was on the weekends. Some people would tire of it and look for something new to play with. Some were committed to this toy and would keep it around and play occasionally with it. Wow, this metaphor is really depressing. Kind of like Toy Story 3 but about sex and it doesn’t end with someone else playing with the toys but Andy actually playing with them at least 2 times a week until he dies.
The reality of sexual boredom is like any kind of boredom, only boring people get bored. Marriage was not instituted for sex. Long term relationships wither and die if they are based solely on sex. Life happens. Stress and the occasional illness will make daily sex impossible. A great companionship and friendship is the real goal of any long-term relationship. Yes, sex is important and great but it really is the making time for one another and reminding your partner that they are sexual beings and not just Mom or Dad.
So, when sex is not an option and the clock has got you by the short hairs and the deadline is looming, remind that spouse of yours of how sexy they are and that if you had the strength, and time, you would gladly spend the afternoon tangled up horizontally with them in some bedroom (or hotel in San Diego). That can do more for someone than just an orgasm….not that there is anything wrong with an orgasm.
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