Posted By Lee and Paul on February 9, 2010

          Our kids are driving us nuts. No, scratch that, our children, separately and together, at times, test our patience and make us reconsider this whole idea of feeling fulfilled because we were blessed with children. At times, we admit, that these three little blessings are more like curses. But, most of the time, we can step back and appreciate their rambunctiousness, stubbornness, rowdiness, messiness, silliness and general loudness. Our kids are funny, annoying and, mostly, wonderful creatures. However, in the world of Reality TV, all of those children are Satan Spawns and should be stuffed in burlap sacks and drowned with kittens.

          Lee says: Paul likes writing Tuesday posts since he spends much of his time trying to explain children in scientific terms. For me, a professional psychotherapist with years of training and experience, it is quite easy; they are animals. If you have any doubt about this, watch ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’.

          First of all, let’s ignore the obvious shit of how parents (and grandparents) sexualize and parade a small girl to the benefit of every perv in the country. Let us forget that these girls are asked to ‘work it’ and blow kisses to unknown judges to gain their favor. Let us forget that these girls are forced to see themselves as objects to be ogled at and that at no time during these competitions are they asked one question. Let us forget that these competitions/pageants, unlike Miss America, are not scholarship programs which encourage and require the girls to attend school and get an education. These ‘pageants’ are just that, beauty contests with elaborate costumes not unlike a dog show.

          Now, since this is about the kids and the parents of these ‘beauty queens’ are so reprehensible as human beings that they make me bite the inside of my cheek so I don’t start rattling off obscenities like a woman with Tourette who just stubbed her toe. These kids are evil. Simple. They are horrible. They are vile. They are what is wrong with society and why we are doomed as a race to end up riding a horse on a beach chased by apes only to find a chunk of the Statue of Liberty sticking up in the surf. These girls are being groomed and taught to be call girls. Wait, that is too harsh, perhaps some of them will aspire to be Hooter girls who moonlight as strippers. These girls believe they are the shit because that is what they have been taught.

          These girls will have little to no value for an education because they are meat. One episode showed Machenzie getting a three layered spray tan because we all look better with tans, according to the Mom. Meanwhile, these backwoods savants who live in mobile homes and have maybe a couple of minutes of sun a day, are getting this information from where exactly? Where and when did it become cool to look like an Oompa Loompa? When did orange become the awesome skin color? I always thought that sallow colors always indicated diseases like jaundice or gangrene.

          So with orange skin, fake teeth, make-up and hair pieces, these girls are lined up and moved along sashaying their hips as if they are seducing the audience. They are the bread winners. They are the ones who need to bring home the trophies, sashes and crowns and all hopes ride on their ability to perambulate with a seductive rotation of their pelvis and wink to the music. They are home grown divas with a side of self entitled little shit. But, you know what, I don’t blame them. If they are utter hellions and give their parents premature grey hair and never allow them one peaceful nights sleep, that is fine by me. These kids weren’t born with fake tans. These kids weren’t born wearing hair pieces. You reap what you sow and you have sown the seeds of narcissistic and histrionic girls and you deserve every last bit of their homegrown personality disorders.      

          Paul says: I winced through the whole show. There was no doubt in my mind that what I was watching was the preview screen that came right before you bought the membership to the kiddy porn site. I do have one question; what do the parents see when they look at their child? Do they see their little baby all dressed cute? They can’t see the horrific orange monster that we see?

Posted By Lee and Paul on February 8, 2010

          Monday is a day where we desperately need to refocus our attentions and pinpoint our addled brains on a topic that will fascinate and spark insight as to the issue of human relations. Sure, we’ve thought about doing weeks on feather top versus memory foam (neither of which we actually use) and Coke versus Pepsi (easy, Coke). Neither of these topics elicits ranting or even a contemplative moment. So this week’s topic was brought about by watching TV and the glut of Reality Programming that we are forced to watch to just escape everyday life. This week we salute the Reality TV program and discuss how it helps or hinders our understanding of human relations.

          Lee says: Personally, I watch Reality TV for the sheer rubbernecking aspect of it. As a psychotherapist, I see most reality shows are merely a thick gruel of pettiness, pathology and soft pornography. I love sitting there and predicting the whacko just in the first few minutes of the first show. No, I can’t watch a whole season of most shows. However, I will admit to some, which I just adore.

          I love Dr. Drew Pinsky! There, I said it. His shows Celebrity Rehab, Sex Rehab and Sober House have been incredible examples of rehab and the addiction process that I must commend him on doing such a great job. Unless you have been in rehab or worked in a rehab center, you may think that the drama is fake ala ‘The Hills’ or exacerbated due to celebrities acting like divas, but you would be wrong. In my experience as the Clinical Director of a Rehab and Director of Programs, I can tell you with complete certainty that this shit is real.

          My favorite so far has been Sex Rehab. Comcast is currently showing it On-Demand so you should catch a few episodes if you can. The show demonstrates some deep level therapy taking place with the bonus of great insights. I know that most of these people are unrecognizable and the term celebrity is extremely loose, but that takes nothing away from their work. In my opinion after their treatment, they were all rock stars (except for the Borderline that got kicked out). Dr. Drew even showed how they had to discipline a staff member (terminated) when she lost control and let the bitch of the season get to her. All of the drama was nothing compared to the realizations that the participants had. They did anger release, art therapy, group therapy and individual work that helped them work on issues such as sexual, physical and emotional abuse, abandonment and deep grief. And the best part is that it isn’t this bullshit ‘They all lived happily ever after’ stuff. Dr. Drew stresses the very present possibility of relapse which to the general public is just another reason to think that rehab is crap. What he shows is that relapse is real when you stop working your program. I loved that! Finally, some real television!

          O.K., I know, I’m weird. The reality of reality TV is that most of it isn’t. I know you know that much is scripted and set up for drama but these shows and others such as Intervention and Hoarders show some real emotions and provide us with an education to real human relations. Everything else out there is sensationalized, hyperbolic shit that shows the worst of relationships. Even Super Nanny shows children who for the most part should be tested and medicated. I’m sure some shows aren’t even aired when they find the 4 year old terror just killed another neighborhood cat or the Nanny gets treated for tetanus after getting shanked by the 5 year old girl who fashioned a shiv out of Barbie’s left hand.

          Paul says: Ok, so we are writing about reality TV. Is Battlestar Galactica real? No? How about Star Trek? No? Damn! I got nothing. How about Mythbusters? Yes! Great I love them because they blow stuff up.

Posted By Lee and Paul on February 7, 2010

Valentine’s Day is next week! Now CoupleDumb is not ones to encourage people to only express their love once a year but, Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to get extra romantic and sappy with your pooky. Yes, we said pooky! So CoupleDumb with the wonderful people of 1800flowers.com are making things a little easier for you to give your pooky something very special like the bouquet above. So you have two options:

*Watch the Super Bowl tonight and during half-time 1800Flowers is offering something super special. Don’t miss it!

*1800Flowers.com is offering free weekday shipping of special arrangements (http://www.1800flowers.com/refer.do?r=bloggers&d=10388) or check out their red roses collection (http://ww12.1800flowers.com/collection.do?dataset=10316).

* Or if you are feeling really lucky, enter our giveaway where on Wednesday at 11 am, we will give away the bouquet you see above to one of our wonderful fans. Consider it our love for you (and 1800Flowers.com)! How do you win?

One entry: Leave a comment on this post telling us who is getting the flowers and why.

Second entry: Fan us on Facebook (http:www.facebook.com/coupledumb) and 1800Flowers.com (http://facebook.com/1800flowers )and mention it in the comments.

Third entry: Tweet it – CoupleDumb, with 1800Flowers.com, is giving away a beautiful Valentine’s Day arrangement. www.coupledumb.com . (Then leave a comment telling us).

Wow, this is really exciting. And, if you don’t win with us, 1800Flowers.com’s Facebook fanpage is giving away an arrangement M-F 10am-5pm. Check them out and good luck!

Posted By Lee and Paul on February 5, 2010

          Today we are blessed with a post from our friend Christine the author of Raised Queer. We don’t remember if she found us or we found her but we are very happy to know each other now. Her blog is no-nonsense and whether she is just sharing her own everyday crazies (where she mentions us. We swear she never received a dime or sexual favor for this)or ranting about judgmental people, she is honest, irreverent and funny. Check out her words on heroes. Then go read her blog (especially the two posts we just mentioned). Thanks you Christine!

          Christine says: I’ll admit that I was really excited when Lee first contacted me about writing a guest post for coupledumb.com. I had never guest-posted before and was chomping at the bit. Then she told me the topic this week was “Heroes” and I was honestly like, well…..What the hell? Heroes, really? I didn’t want to tell her that we don’t do heroes in our family and to pretty-please give me another topic. I changed my mind  because I was reminded of spoiled actor-types that demand only green M&M’s and Evian in their dressing rooms and how I abhor that type of behavior. So I decided to just be thankful for the opportunity and embrace the challenge, come what may. 

          This acceptance proved to be difficult, though, because my mind was blank on the subject. After much unproductive thought, I decided to ask my family what their opinions were;  because even though I don’t do them, maybe they did and could give me some insight. Well, Ha and Ha. My oldest son when asked, said: “Hmm…I don’t really believe in the idea of heroes.”  And my daughter simply stated: “They’re stupid”. I said: “What do you mean, they’re stupid?” “Mom, I don’t believe in heroes. Stupid like Santa and the tooth fairy.” Ah, she’s thinking the make-believe-super-type of hero, the kind that can fly/hop around the world in 8 hours, visiting every house and dodge bullets while saving the day. I have to agree, those are stupid. And at this point, defeated, I didn’t even bother to ask my husband because I was afraid he’d say the same thing. Or worse yet, he’d say: Magic Johnson.  I won’t argue his skills on the court, because yes, he is a most excellent baller. But Magic fell from grace, in my opinion, when his condom slipped off somewhere between his wife and 999th mistress. 

          I think it’s popular belief that heroes save lives and that most of them embody great physical strength. Undoubtedly, people step up in extraordinary ways every single day. Firefighters, police officers, pilots, volunteers, etc. They have the potential to save lives at any given moment. Many of them do and they are often considered heroes. I wonder, though, is it really necessary to risk your life to be considered a hero? And do we need a head count on the lives that have been saved before the honor is bestowed? I don’t believe so. 

          If it is possible to be considered a hero whether or not you’ve risked your life or can count the lives you’ve saved, then I know who some of mine would be. To me, Dave Pelzer fits the bill, for things undone; actions not taken. He represents all of the nameless and faceless adults with similar case histories of unfathomable abuse suffered as children. Those adults who have made the decision somewhere along the line to break the cycle. We can only imagine the lives saved because they have chosen, somehow, to not perpetuate the violence. 

          At first glance, these people may seem unremarkable. They’re next door neighbors, co-workers and members of the congregation. There hasn’t been an article in the newspaper or a segment on the news that covered their acts of courage and bravery, nor have they been given a key to the city. They just go to work, pay their taxes, play golf, attend PTA meetings and come home and eat dinner with their families. Ordinary, I know. 

          I suppose it could be argued that just because one behaves in a manner that is socially responsible and acceptable, that that alone doesn’t make them “hero” material. But I believe these people are the exception. Especially since I see and read the stories in the news every day about criminals that have molested, raped and/or murdered a child with an “I was abused as a child” defense.  The choice to not intentionally harm another- whether it’s mentally or physically, in spite of all the wrong that has been committed against oneself, is exemplary behavior. That’s how I feel about the subject. 

          You know, I’m really thankful now that I was presented with this topic; it made me re-think my whole stance on heroes and my blanket disbelief in them. Holy shit! I do have heroes. And to think: just yesterday I was ‘heroless’ and today I am self-serving because I’ve redefined the word just so I could have some. Go me.

Posted By Lee and Paul on February 5, 2010

          Paul says: Buy a house, now. This may be a paid ad but I am finding myself saying this all of the time. I’m a Realtor and, even though writing has pushed real estate sales into the land of stuff that I never want to do again, I still help out friends. Right now, my biggest piece of advice is to start finding a house and to do it before April. The 2010 Homebuyer Tax Credits give you an $8,000 credit if you are under contract by April 30^th and close by June 30^th. This is a government extension, so I do not expect to see this again.

          Purchasing your own home means different things to different people. For some, it is a simple investment strategy but for others it is synonymous with safety. Despite my business knowledge, I find that I fall in the latter group. I am will to take risks in every other aspect of my life but, when I comes to my house, I believe that to be directly linked to my safety and my families well being. Buying the house the right way, getting a property at a good price, and getting a Real Estate Tax Benefit just adds to the value.

Posted By Lee and Paul on February 4, 2010

     It is Thursday of a really, really tough week here at the CoupleDumb. We had it all this week, from an extra workload to a sick kid. Since we are talking about Heroes this week, maybe one will come this way. We could use a visit from ‘Watch the kids while you nap’ man and his side kick, Ms. Maid.

          Paul says: What are the characteristics of a hero? We already know what we do not want in a hero. They need to assist but not rescue. They need to be accessible, only sitting on the pedestal long enough to get a good birds-eye view before joining the rest of the world.   So what makes a hero?

          Bravery seems to me to be on the top of the list. Obviously, if a hero is not willing to leap into action then he/she is not much of a hero. I can’t imagine the Man of Steel staying in his Fortress of Solitude because people are icky and he might catch something. I can see Spiderman doing this but I do not want to go off on a geek driven tangent so let’s just say that a hero needs to be brave.

          There is a difference between being brave and being fearless. A hero must be brave. A sociopath needs to be fearless. General Omar Bradley said that bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death. And speaking of performing properly, this brings us to the other thing that a hero needs to have : a plan. It helps if it is a good plan. A conversation that you never hear from a hero:

          ‘What are we going to do, Dark Knight?’

          ‘Hell if I know. Call me when you have an idea.’ (Then he strolls off to get coffee.)

          Even if the plan sounds like ‘we wing it’, a hero always has some idea of where to go and what to do next.

          Lastly but most obviously, the hero is the good guy (or gal to be PC-ish). No matter how dark, surly, twisted or angry, the hero always does the right thing in the end.

          So why all of the pontificating about heroes on a day that we are supposed to be talking about relationships? Because we are all heroes. We all have the capacity to put our fears aside, leap into the fray, and do the right thing. Over the past year, Lee and I have written about love, marriage, happiness and the corporate structure of a good relationship but somewhere in this search for union there is a hero. This is the person that says ‘I love you’ despite the fear, that says that everything will be all right even if unsure, that takes the high road and makes everyone better for it.

          For me, that person is Lee. This is not the part where I say nice things about her and know that I will get laid tonight. Instead, this is a matter of practicality. When I look at her, I know that she is there for me, that the day to day fears of living a life together will be pushed away for a greater good. This is the way that love has to be. First you become your own hero then you fall in love with one.

          Lee says: Aw. Now I need to check his cell phone and emails. I’m kidding.

          Seriously though, I’m with Paul on this. Not just the ‘Lee’s a hero thing’ but the part where in a relationship there is some signs of idolization of the partner. You see them in their highest possibility, in all their glory way before they ever see that in themselves. You know the image of Superman glowing on top of the world with his cape flapping behind him? That’s how we see our partners and that’s how, in a good relationship, they see us. We are each others biggest fans which is good since I already have his autograph and usually can do it better than him.