Posted By Lee and Paul on July 30, 2010

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Charter. All opinions are 100% mine.

          Do you want a laptop? Of course you do. Do you want to get a laptop for your kid’s school? Well, yes! Then go to Charter.com an try to win one for you and one for your child’s school.

          Entering to win a laptop for yourself is pretty easy. With any order of $300 or more of Charter services, you are automatically entered into the drawing. But you do not need to buy something. Go online to the laptop-a-day giveaway entry page and register to win your laptop.

          It is also just as easy to nominate your school. Just go to the Charter website and nominate your school. Charter is giving away 50 laptops to two schools and yours could be one of them. Promote it on Charter on Facebook to get more votes for the school.

          Charter is a communications company that offers internet, cable TV and telephone, like the big company, that shall remain namely, but without the horrible customer service and frequent drops in service. Just a note on the topic of 100% of the opinions are my own, I really, really do not like the other large communications provider whose name has a couple of c’s in it. So the first thing that I did when I saw Charter was look to see if they offered service in my area. I suggest that you do the same.

Posted By Lee and Paul on July 29, 2010

          Remember when you could roll into your home around dawn? Remember when you could sleep till afternoon o’clock and have breakfast for dinner because that was your first meal of the day and you weren’t being silly? Remember when you could lay in bed with your partner all day and nap and make love and talk and nap and make love … Well? Remember? Yeah, we don’t either.

          Lee says: I miss the halcyon days of being a newlywed. The days would bleed into the other. It was a time of hedonism and it was good to be selfish which generally meant that you were being pleasured. Those were the days where older couples would look at us and call us newlyweds and chuckle like it was a bad thing. Those were the days where we built castles in the sky and perused the Ikea catalogue to furnish our highest tower with a Malm of our own. So if things were that great, why have kids?

          Having children is a choice. Yes, there are some people that believe having kids is their duty. There are people who believe that it is the natural progression in life to go from child to adult to parent. There are even those who are a little perplexed with the whole process and have no idea how they even wound up with a kid. Ultimately, having kids is a choice. Choosing to become a parent is something that should not be taken lightly and is permanent. I know people who became parents and put more thought into a tattoo than how they would parent.

          I realize the topic of this post is a little harsh and in some cases, late. The thing is that I have developed more respect for people who choose not to have kids. These people have put some thought about themselves as parents, how it would affect their lives and the overall reality of child-rearing. It has been shown that the average couples’ depth of conversation regarding childbearing is limited to ‘do you want some?’ 

          Researchers have seen that unless a couple has experienced a delay in conceiving, the conversation of how a couple would rear a child does not take place until after the child is either already due or is born. In most cases, it never takes place at all. We put more thought into what theme to decorate a nursery. We put more thought into what kind of car seat we want. All of this is scary and is a disservice to a child.

          The decision of whether or not to have kids is serious. It should never be an after-thought or automatic. There are a million factors to consider such as the physical, social, financial, marital and relational issues. Just because you babysat the neighbor is not considered resume worthy information. How about checking if you even like kids? How about if you see how you do with other people’s kids? How about if you take a hard look at your marriage or relationship and do some soul searching regarding whether you guys can stand the stressors of a baby/child?

          Once a couple makes an informed decision, I believe it is important to respect that decision. I have met so many people who have said they did not want kids and watched as hordes bombarded them with judgments and clichés. Parenting is not for everyone and, in some cases, just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should.

           Paul says: OK, you have convinced me. Let’s not have kids. What? It’s too late now? Damn. In that case, children are a blessing and everyone should have one. Send me an email with an address and approximate age requirements and I will ship one to you. I have three in stock.

          (BTW That is a joke. When I get a good night sleep, I adore my kids. All the other times, I just love them.)

Posted By Lee and Paul on July 28, 2010

          Parenting is like a box of chocolate. However, it is frowned upon it you take a bite or poke the bottom and throw it back in the box. Wow, that sounded bad. Let’s try this: Parenting is like a fishing trip. Sometimes you have good days and some days they’re too small and you throw them back in the water. Nope! One more try: Parenting is like cracker jacks. All sweet and salty and you get a prize in every box. Unfortunately, it’s probably an ugly tattoo. Ah hell, forget it. Just read the post.

          Lee says: I am trying really hard to keep a stiff upper lip. I am trying to hold it together and not show how I feel. I realize it isn’t appropriate for a hippie therapist to suppress emotions but in this case, I think I may be saving a little of what is left of my ego. You see, I have one year before my daughter leaves for college and unlike other milestones, the deadline for this one is looming over me like a death knell.

          I am a Mommy/therapist. I acknowledge the importance of my role and I especially take note of how my job as parent affects me. Inasmuch, I grieve the everyday kid things. I mourned my last pregnancy. I mourned when my youngest stopped breast feeding. I mourned when he started to walk. I mourned when my middle child lost his first tooth. And I am mourning that my eldest is going to college in a year.

          Geesh, that sounds like a lot of mourning and I should probably be breaking down once a day because the youngest learned to lift up the seat or the middle child can finally fold a towel but it isn’t as easy or weepy as that. I am acknowledging the shift, the change and the development. This is how I prepare myself for the inevitable day that they will be out of the house and gone. It is already starting next year. Albeit my kids are spread out in age, I will still see the day when they are out of the house (and I will be receiving Social Security- I kid).

          Our daughter is picking out colleges and polishing up her educational resume. Will I cry when we drop her off at her dorm? Damn right I will. Will I cry when we go buy the sheets for her bed? Probably but I will try not to upset the Bed Bath and Beyond employees. Many parents do not understand how it is that when their kids leave the nest, they feel empty and may even feel useless. Much of the empty nest feeling is this concept of mourning.

          When we are parent, if we deny the grief, we tether every memory in our psyche. It’s like believing they will always be there. Sure, we know logically that someday our kids will be off to college, get married and have a family of their own. However, most psychological issues have no basis in what is logical. Most of our hang ups are silly or faulty thinking. So when the day inevitably comes you feel sucker punched. The kid is not to blame. This is the relationship you set up for them.

          So every little step they take, mourn it. Feel them growing up. Acknowledge it. This is how you will guarantee having a different relationship with them as they mature. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll call you at least once a week.   

          Paul says: I tried to ignore every milestone, breakthrough and stage and, I will tell you, it didn’t work so well for me. It’s not like the stuff doesn’t still happen. I’m going to look pretty silly talking to my daughter’s empty room. And do not get me started on the craziness of trying to change my boys’ diapers when they go to college.